Alright, I'll play along.
Once on a business trip in Sweden, some colleagues and I shared a cab ride back to our hotels/apartments. Trying to be chivalrous, I agreed to be dropped off last so some female colleagues wouldn't be in a cab alone late at night. After a night of bar-hopping however without hitting the washrooms, my kidneys were screaming at me and it kinda felt like my back teeth were floating I had to pee so bad.
I remember asking the cab driver to let me off a block early because I couldn't take the effect that the bumps in the road had on my bladder. I was in Sweden somewhat long term so I was in an apartment building and not a hotel. I trotted as fast as I could (was scared to sprint) into the building lobby. At this point my heart sank because I remembered that I had two options that were both bad.
I could take four flights of stairs up to my place (which I knew my bladder couldn't take) or I take my chances with the old-ass "elevator". It was this old-timey elevator with an iron folding gate that you had to drag closed by hand before the outer doors closed and it would move. It was basically a steel cage with closed doors in front but you can look through the steel bars at the elevator shaft all around you while it's moving.
So I rang for the super slow, old timey elevator, resigned to the fact that the fate of my kidneys rested on an elevator that was probably built in nineteen aught six. As soon as it came I ripped the gate open and started mashing the buttons. The minute the door closed however, I knew my time had run out. So I pulled down my pants and peed down the elevator shaft as the uber-slow elevator rambled its up to my floor.
I knew it was kinda crazy but I was gonna explode. I could easily have encountered someone on any floor and I wouldn't have been able to stop the stream. As luck would have it, it was 4am and I didn't get caught. I went to bed laughing and hoping the elevator shaft wouldn't smell like a urinal the next day.
