True Confessions

So a bunch of years ago, in the UK, there was a radio program called True Confessions. People would write into this program and confess to something they had done and wanted to get off their chest in an anonymous manner. I accidentally picked up a book of stories from the show and got a lot of wierd looks as I was laughing to myself on the tube after work.

The only one I really recall is the BBQ - a buddy's vegan in-laws were coming over for burgers and sausages, and were bringing their own meatless ones along. Buddy is cooking everything and the food is coming along great, except the vegan ones look anemic and don't really change colour as they cook. Buddy has a brilliant idea, pricks meat sausages with a fork and dribbles the drippings on the vegan sausages. In-laws said they were the best vegan sausages they'd ever had, and buddy couldn't confess anywhere except drive-home radio...

So we recently moved, and needed a new BBQ. Propane is all thats available here, so thats new to us as well. We find a 'True Infrared' thingie, which means the things above the grill aren't exposed to direct heat. This means you can toss woodchips on the grill as you bbq. So I invited the neighbors for smoked salmon, with lovely applewood. And a handful of Pink Kush. Standing in the smokestream was delightful - if it could only be bottled...



PS - I did tell Mr Neighbor what I was going to do, and he watched me do it, but claims he has no recollection of that conversation or event. He recalls the salmon and 3 bottles of wine tho, and they both still rave about how good it was...

I was helping my husband out at his office for a while. He has a gal that works for him once a week and I was using her office. This gal is really 'nitzy pitzy.' Everything has to be just so. I realized that the way she was matching up freight bills to jobs was really convoluted and streamlined the process for her. She didn't like that at all... and proceeded to complain to my husband that it was a "big hassle" the new way.....

Sort of pissed me off that she didn't just chat with me about it (since she is a 'friend') and that she was so opposed to a minor change in the system. She also hides her pens so no one can find one and insists that the entries into the freight journal be done in blue or black ink. That's just fine if you can find one. But since I couldn't and I was irritated...

I looked inside her drawer and saw all her paper clips all perfectly put in their little cubbies; the big ones all in the big section, medium in their place...etc. I lifted half the big paperclips and put the smallest ones in the bottom and mixed them all up. Then I put the big clips back on top so it wouldn't be immediately visible...

I know... a small pay back. But I bet it drove her crazy....

I severely flooded my parents house while I was supposed to 'looking after' it while they were away on holiday. I was 18 and incredibly stupid. I started running a bath then went back to bed. For two hours!!!!!

Woke up to the buzzing sound of the mains/grid electricity shorting out.

No joke, I had a torrent running down the stairs and it was raining in the living room. I was crapping my pants.

It was the middle of the summer so luckily I was able to dry out the house and was forced to re decorate the kitchen. I re painted it 3 times but water stains kept re appearing so I painted a layer of PVA wood glue on the walls then painted on that and thankfully it held.


I kept this secret for 15 years for fear my Dad would kick the shit out of me, when I eventually told him, he just laughed and commented what a good job I'd done and confessed he had wondered why his ceiling plaster roses and coving had all moved a little.

killick said:

So a bunch of years ago, in the UK, there was a radio program called True Confessions. People would write into this program and confess to something they had done and wanted to get off their chest in an anonymous manner.

Click to expand...

Bravo! Awesome thread! I really wanted to create a thread for exactly this purpose, but calling it something like "The Crosses We Bear".... but this works!!!!!

======================

Back in a time I was a much different person, hateful as anything...struggling daily with every aspect of life... well, there was a guy who would sit between some trees on a corner I had to drive by frequently. He was in a lawn chair and people would pull over and give him all sorts of things. Items, lunch, bags of who knows what... To me, he looked ok. Not well off, but enough to be able to go out and seek work, etc.... Didn't look homeless...And of course the old me kept thinking to myself "what right does he have to get off easy?" while I was dealing with Menier's and struggling.

A couple months later, he was no longer there... in the place where he sat was a small white cross... with a name written on it... I guess his name was "John".

At that moment, the old hateful me died as well, realizing what a piece of shit I was. I never again judged anyone at face value...Everyone got the benefit of the doubt and I passed that along to anyone I saw judging another... letting them know things may not be as they perceived them. (Being an Aspie, I've always had difficulty seeing the grey areas that exist between the black and white that was right in front of me ...) I got involved in charity, be it through organizations or just buying lunch for a lost soul sitting on some bus stop bench who looked hungry. Now I do what I can to help. I have shown my kids this compassion in action and through them, I have seen it reoccur in their friends.

It will never make up for the thoughts I had, but it helps lighten the weight of this cross I carry.

Anytime the old me tries to claw its way back to the surface, bringing back the old negative thoughts or feelings, John steps in to remind me not to give up on being human.

Since it's not possible to say it in person, will say it now... Thanks John for what you didn't leave undone before you had to go.

Delete

Melting Pot said:

I am missing my mom so much...
Nov 3 rd will be the 3 yr anniversary of her passing and it is just eating me up lately. Its been tough going through all this without her.
Great now im crying.
Probably not the confession you were looking for.

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I'm sorry to read this and for what you're feeling. The good memories you can recall, and photos if you have them, they'll hurt a bit... but they will also replace the bad feelings soon after. Trust me... been there... doing that currently....

When I was a high-school senior who suffered major anxiety about my future. I was a solid student, but in no way was I academically exceptional. My parents went on a trip to visit an injured relative, leaving me alone in the house. After being goaded by my friend Miles, I decide to call a prostitute named Lana who spent the night with me. When I lacked the $300 to pay her in the morning, I went to the bank to cash a bond, but upon my return, I find that Lana has stolen my mother's priceless decorative crystal egg.

Miles and I traced Lana down to recover the egg, but ended up helping her escape from her pimp Guido. Me and Lana begin hanging out together and eventually we became friends. When I took Lana out on a date in my father's porsche, the car accidently ended up rolling into a nearby lake. I needed thousands of dollars to repair the car, and so me and Lana hatch a plan to raise the money by throwing a large party at my house where, for a price, my virginal high school friends can "party" with Lana's prostitute friends.

The party is a smash success. However, a college recruiter from Princeton University drops by my house in the middle of the party and discovers that I am running the prostitution ring. After I walk out of my interview with the Princeton recruiter, me and Lana decide to leave the house and end up making passionate love to each other on a subway car. We decide to become an actual couple. I then pay for the restored Porsche and even had several thousand dollars left over. Upon returning home, I discovers that Guido has stolen all of my furniture. Guido sells me all the furniture back, and I was left with no profit at all from the party. Though me and his friends manage to get all the furniture back into the house before my parents come home, my mother discovers a small crack in the crystal egg and I was punished.

My story ends with me being accepted into Princeton, with the recruiter saying that Princeton could use a man like me. Lana seemingly has left her life as a prostitute behind, but we both admit that our relationship will probably not last after I go to college. Finally we agree to spend one last night together before I left for Princeton.

True story..




Or it might have been "risky business"

You decide..

@Joel W. is this the 'alternate' version, where Lana and co were trannies? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

killick said:

@Joel W. is this the 'alternate' version, where Lana and co were trannies? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

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There was this one prostitute that I am still wondering about named Jackie....

Date night?

Once I got accused (/thanked) for these little square pieces of paper that somehow ended up in the new bottle of Tequila I pled the fif tho.. and it was a fun day the girls tops wanted no part of it!




Good memories of the psychonaut commune

So one time, back in the old daze, I was working in the oilpatch. This is way back before safety was mandated, so it was more fun than anything else.

I got back late from a rough day of doing toxic stuff and needed a ride home. Buddy in the mustang says 'jump in', so I do. He jumps in, puts key in ignition and turns it, and immediately screams, rolls off the seat onto the mud. WTF? Buddy gets up, looks at his seat and see's a wire. Tracing it back it ran from under his seat, out the door, under the car, and straight to the ignition coil. When he started the car up he basically got a bunch of short duration high intensity sparks to somewhere around the pieces that sit on a car seat.

Anyways, it turns out my cousin did that to the guy to get even with some work prank. He was really happy I could tell him how successful it was...

I used to put like 5 of those big ass zip ties that cops use, around my co workers driveline on their work truck, OMG is that freaking loud when they just keep driving, like they don't give a fuck..

@Joel W. parts of that story sounds like the movie "Risky Business".

It should, It's the movie plot I changed to first person.. My life was boring..

My name is the same though..

So, ya know how people like to look through your medicine cabinet when they use your bathroom? Well, not everyone, but some people do. Guess it's human nature to look though other peoples shit. I never did, but I remember when I was a young kid, like 10 or 12 years old, I used to go through my parents closet when they weren't home. Never found any porn though.

Anyway, back to the medicine cabinet. Had a party for a small group of friends one night and I heard of this idea somewhere, don't remember where, but I thought I'd try it and this thread is a PERFECT place to pass this idea on.

Next time, before ya have some people over at your house, friends or family, take out all of the stuff in your medicine cabinet that's above your bathroom sink and fill it with about 50 marbles or as many as you can cram in there while still being able to close it.

The racket that those marbles make as they tumble into the sink is like an alarm for your medicine cabinet.

Have your camera or phone ready to snap a pick as the "perp" makes his/her exit from your bathroom.

momofthegoons said:

I was helping my husband out at his office for a while. He has a gal that works for him once a week and I was using her office. This gal is really 'nitzy pitzy.' Everything has to be just so. I realized that the way she was matching up freight bills to jobs was really convoluted and streamlined the process for her. She didn't like that at all... and proceeded to complain to my husband that it was a "big hassle" the new way.....

Sort of pissed me off that she didn't just chat with me about it (since she is a 'friend') and that she was so opposed to a minor change in the system. She also hides her pens so no one can find one and insists that the entries into the freight journal be done in blue or black ink. That's just fine if you can find one. But since I couldn't and I was irritated...

I looked inside her drawer and saw all her paper clips all perfectly put in their little cubbies; the big ones all in the big section, medium in their place...etc. I lifted half the big paperclips and put the smallest ones in the bottom and mixed them all up. Then I put the big clips back on top so it wouldn't be immediately visible...

I know... a small pay back. But I bet it drove her crazy....

Click to expand...

Omfg.....

This one had me laughing out loud for real....

I used to be a Supervisor for a very busy high end restaurant, and was offered the Manager position over and over again by the VP of this HUGE chain.

This man (the VP) loved me like a child...lol
Even though I wasn't technically the "boss" on paper, all the Management looked to me as so.

Well, the Manager at the time was found guilty of using the Company Credit Card for personal purchases.. (I always wondered where/How / why she gave me a Case of Monster Energy Drinks every month) lol

Anyhow, a new "Manager" was assigned immediately, apparently he didn't get the message... That I'm the Head Chief of this here tribe.

I was hourly,but the arrangement was.... I worked hourly rates, but can come and go as I please, take lunch without clocking out...etc..

The new guy tried to make me clock out for lunch, and I told him how it works in deez here parts.... He still insisted.. So....

I smile and don't clock out, and take my lunch as usual.

Except the VP gave me his personal cell to text him whenever I need anything, I texted him about the new manager, and I'm guessing he got an ass chewing because he came up to me the next day apologized and said I was "clear to do what I've been doing "

Well.... I didn't like the way he said it.

I had all the passwords changed once a week in the POS.

I changed the safe combination every other day.

And... Here's the worst.... (Or the best, depending upon which side of the fence)
I had MANY MANY Loyal customers write into Corporate and complain about him .

We ended up being friends, but I never really liked him because of the first interaction.

lwien said:

So, ya know how people like to look through your medicine cabinet when they use your bathroom? Well, not everyone, but some people do.

Anyway, back to the medicine cabinet. Had a party for a small group of friends one night and I heard of this idea somewhere, don't remember where, but I thought I'd try it and this thread is a PERFECT place to pass this idea on.

Next time, before ya have some people over at your house, friends or family, take out all of the stuff in your medicine cabinet that's above your bathroom sink and fill it with about 50 marbles or as many as you can cram in there while still being able to close it.

The racket that those marbles make as they tumble into the sink is like an alarm for your medicine cabinet.

Have your camera ready to take a pick as the "perp" makes his/her exit from your bathroom.

Click to expand...

Totally going to do this at the next family gathering!!!!

So back when I was still a corporate person I wound up going to the occasional technology show, or software launch, places where loads of vendors would be. Some of the vendors have great freebies, but they want you on their mailing list, so you give them a card and you get a couple of freebies...

So what I started doing was travelling with a bunch of other peoples business cards. I got sent to some monster huge show in Germany (CEBIT) at the last minute. The nearest hotel was 95 km away, and the only rental car left was a Mitsubishi Pajero. Thanks for arranging the trip with all this warning, boss.

I came back absolutely loaded with freebies. I got the best stuff! I got to go to hospitality suites and get the expen$ive stuff they save for CIOs. Cause thats whose card was being given out to anyone that looked like they might want a biz card. It seemed a fair return for having to spend 1/2 the day finding the autobahn. Has anyone here ever been passed by a Smart Car on the autobahn? Or is it just me?

When I worked for a pizza joint I used to give free pizzas away to the local homeless and crazy population. I got in a lot of trouble all the time for food waste and my costs being a little high due to said waste issues. I blamed it on the highschool help. not that I needed to since I was spanking projections with a spatula!

did it for a couple years til I was fired for getting caught saying the word "fuck" by a teen employee whos mom reported I said fuck in front of her daughter and was feeding the local druggies.

i guess she was concerned I would lower her property value and teach her daughter bad language by feeding the heroin/meth junkies who sleep in the dumpster and on the street?

im sure a few smelly folks needed to use the phone and bathroom after their food source got cut off.

This thread reminded me of this:

https://vine.co/v/OMWWDMp6WWx

Here's the radio program I stole the idea from:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02nrvdq/episodes/downloads

You can download/listen, but might have to switch your region... BBC is funny like that...