@Mowgrassvapegrass - Today my girlfriend rang me up to say she was feeling really anxious and depressed. She felt so bad she had actually taken the day off work. We spoke for a while and I told her similar things to what I told you earlier. She decided to write a list of all the things she was feeling anxious about so she could no.1 contain her thoughts, and no.2 confront them. She also wrote a list of all the people that make her happy in life. I would advise you to do the same thing. Make these lists. It may help you clarify a few things on how and where to move forward.
Anxiety can take over your whole body and mind. My mum is plagued with anxiety and so she watches/listens to 'mindfullness' videos/audio all day and night to help with this. She wakes up every night without fail at around 3-4am filled with irrational anxiety and cant get back to sleep. Mindfullness teaches you to live in the moment and and stop worrying about the future. The sort of teachings you will also hear in Buddhism. I would advise that you watch some mindfulness videos and do some reading on this subject. I'm sure there are videos on youtube.
I get anxiety a bit like my mum sometimes, as i'm trying to fall asleep, or when I'm waking up in the morning. It's usually really irrational, but related to work. You might want to check out some Allan Watts videos. It's not essential but check him out. He is an american who teaches Eastern philosophy for a western audience. Some are more relevant than others. Here is one I think will be good for you and is a favourite of mine.
The media constantly bombards us with DOOM, GLOOM and FEAR FEAR FEAR. It makes us look for the negatives in life instead of the positives. Shawn Achor did a talk on TED where he outlines how to reverse this. I did it and it really works.
The purest and most natural antidepressant available and its totally free!!! Honestly this works, Ive done it. DO IT!!!!! Write 3 things you are grateful for, every day, for twenty one days.
https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?language=en
Sometimes I take 5HTP which is a herbal antidepressant/dopamine replacement. Its very mild compared with prescription meds. Some can't even notice its effects. (It has been proven to
not be placebo). Even so; I still try to not to use it all the time. I only take it when I need it. It's not something you have to take a course of. Sometimes when life is at its hardest, it really does help me get through the day. I carry a bottle with me wherever I go. I use it on and off; sometimes not for months, and then sometimes nearly every day. It's not powerful but it helps me on my way for sure. I don't think its good to 'self medicate'. You should always talk to your doctor before using a non prescription herbal drug such as 5HTP.
I do not think drugs are a solution to your problems. BUT everyone has the right to know the choices out there. I use the stuff all the time so I can't deny you the knowledge. I just don't like to sound like a drug pusher. Please don't take over the recommended dose, or abuse it.
Oh and don't forget to get off nicotine! 'Alan Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking'. You can get the book, the audio, the video. Whatever you is best for you. I got the video off itunes for about £7. I like the video as the images help me to remember key ideas. Loads of my friends quit with his ideas. AND SO DID I!!!
It is one of the most popular and successful quit smoking regimes in the world. People used to call me Smokey Sam. Now they just call me Sam. I think quitting tobacco will destroy this running in circles feeling you mentioned in your first post. It made me feel like that.
One love x