How to attract bugs with stink?

[Jeremy Driscoll]

Please all advise is welcomed. Since this is the section of FC that is meant for off topic fun. I will ask here. So here's what happened. My HOA of the place I am renting said that now they have found yet another old rule that nobody but only they can care about and act like it is life or death. And that rule is to keep your car clean up to standards. Now my car was washed last week but since the day it was washed it has not been used at all. It has been parked. And for a week now it has been parked and is as dirty as a car can get in a week. Well the bitch lady from the HOA on her power trip. Well she ended up seeing me as I was coming home from work. (Because that's just what you want to put up with is some bitch on a power trip who sits home all day watching opera reruns in my face). Well anyways I saw her going up the steps ahead of me and in the back of my mind this little voice told me, (oh shit it's her, Jeremy you should do what everyone else does when they see her and run and hide around the building to avoid her seeing you before you go to your door until she is gone.) Well I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. So like an idiot. I go up the stairs too. Well just like I thought she turned around and stopped me for 5 minutes to criticize my cars cleanliness. She said she would like it if when she parked her car next to mine that she at least saw the side of my car. That is the same side that faces her to be spotless after all it is a rule she says. And then she walks away smiling. The worst part is. Is the way she says it. Like Rays mom in everybody loves rayeNd. How that mother of his (acts like she is being nice) and smiles as she criticizes rays wife constantly.

So I think to myself is it just me. Or is this a power trip or is it just me?

The next thing I know the same lady knocks on my door, and as always I ignore the knock. Just like all the other neighbors do. And on the door she leaves a copy of the Home Owners A. Rules.

Like I really need a copy of rules I didn't ask for.

So I read the bulletin boards at the mail boxes, and it says that not enough people are recycling so the dumpsters are getting too full and that costs the association more money. So ofcourse. I stopped recycling which will add at least a couple more bags a month to the dumpsters.

But I want to do more. I will wash car. But this time I want to wash it with something stinky. Something that smells so offensive and attracts bugs like crazy. Because no where ever. Does it say WHAT you need to wash your car with, just that it has to be washed.

Any helpful ideas that will also allow my car to LOOK clean?

 

[farscaper]

Go online and buy some stink bombs. Real ones!

They used to come in a glass vial that had to be broken..

We hid them under the rug in the scoutmasters cabins and tents back when boyscouts really could kick ur ass.

That was the most putrid stuff! Konda like dead bodies wrapped on rottong garbage covered in skunk funk. I did not buy them and this was years ago (pre everyone online) so idk where they procured them.

Never the less, subtle distribution all over. Stink city... But I would do up her mailbox, door handle, anything she amd only she will touch.

Im a trickster... So its nice to put ideas in others heads so I dont have to get kicked in the nuts by karma.

Good luck with your mission cadet!

 

[pakalolo]

My advice is to put that copy of the rules to good use. Study it carefully, make sure you're not in violation, and then watch her carefully for the rules she's breaking. If there are a lot of rules, then she'll be breaking some. You just turn the rules around on her. That's how I've dealt with self-important righteous rule-upholders all my life, and it usually works.

PS: Anyone who thinks you can pull this on us mods should note this rule:

• Rules are interpreted and applied at staff discretion.

 

[Tweek]

I agree...use the game against her.

You could also either:

A) Smear poop on her car late at night

B) Hide a raw fish someplace on her car

The problem with these suggestions, is if she finds out you are just giving her more ammo to use against you, press charges, etc. So I would go Paka's route before all else. Even consult a lawyer for some advice...he may be able to draft a letter for you that essentially tells her to f-off.

 

[thesoloman]

maybe these would work? http://www.amazon.com/Stink-bombs-3-Glass-box-Stinky-Smelly/dp/B0037LF3N8
If i were you i'd make a trail from her door to her car with them, and then throw like 5 more all around it. Not really washing your car, but getting back at her is what your really after?
EDIT: here's the liquid version http://www.shomer-tec.com/product/special-ingredients-liquid-roadkill-330.cfm

 

[djonkoman]

I make this stuff a use as a fertilizer for the garden, made from stinging nettles. you take something that can contain fluids(bucket, tub, whatever), fill it with nettles, fill iy up with water and let it ferment(just let it stand for a week or so).

if you get it on your hands, they will still smell about 10 times washing later. and the container I have it in atracts flies like crazy, especuially on a sunny day. when I water the garden with it and there are flies around, I often see a lot landing on the groun in between the plants.

it can also be done with other plants btw, apparently dandellion stinks even worse but haven't tried making it with that yet.

(also, fpr a quicker solution, a few cloves of garlic cut uinto bits into a soda bottle full of water, 2-3 days later you'll have a liquid with a strong garlic smell, as in you twist open the cap and almost instantly someone at the other end of the room remarks about a strong garlic smell)

 

[Jeremy Driscoll]

I will do all of those things, however I have decided to do them when I someday move. That way even if. They catch me it won't really matter. Also I don't pay for water sewer or garbage. Instead the HOA pays for it from dues collected from the condo owners. So drum roll everyone. Here is a hint of what I will do, (watch home alone 1).

Yea them wet bandits.

EDIT: Just to inform everyone. I want it to be clear that I will not stuff drains like in the movie.