Fuck the Parkinson's, the Dr just gave me a reason to smoke MORE!
- Thread starter mvapes
- Start date
Hi everyone,
What hit me so hard was that yesterday the doctor hit one of those triggers that sent me off into depression. He said that he himself has never felt this way about a patient. He is taking my case very seriously and it was hard for him to tell me that the pain I'm feeling is going to get worse.
When somebody gives you medicine followed by the comment "this should help for a few months, when it stops helping we'll move up" it is very hard to hear. I guess our brains are wired to expect "this should help, you'll be back to normal in a few day's." It sucks when some of us learn that this isn't the case.
I feel like I'm being a pussy now, what's it going to be like for me in further stages. Is it OK that I'm scared, is it normal?
It's hard not fighting thought's like "why is G_d doing this to me" or is this what I get for being a drug addict?" - or is this just Karma for what I neglected in my past or what I've done? Cause what I remember was being a good boy, never cheated on a woman, I'm a loyal husband and father - unfortunately though when your a drug addict you tend to burn some people.
I didn't mean it. It wasn't me! But I guess it's better than the outcome my little brother had. How I wish he was here to lean on. I hope he watched over me and offers me the strength I need to be ok.
And I want you all to know, I'm venting. I'm not thinking of picking up a straw or G-d forbid something worse. I'm not that guy, I never will be again. I just need to talk to people who don't judge me, and some of you know exactly how I feel.
What hit me so hard was that yesterday the doctor hit one of those triggers that sent me off into depression. He said that he himself has never felt this way about a patient. He is taking my case very seriously and it was hard for him to tell me that the pain I'm feeling is going to get worse.
When somebody gives you medicine followed by the comment "this should help for a few months, when it stops helping we'll move up" it is very hard to hear. I guess our brains are wired to expect "this should help, you'll be back to normal in a few day's." It sucks when some of us learn that this isn't the case.
I feel like I'm being a pussy now, what's it going to be like for me in further stages. Is it OK that I'm scared, is it normal?
It's hard not fighting thought's like "why is G_d doing this to me" or is this what I get for being a drug addict?" - or is this just Karma for what I neglected in my past or what I've done? Cause what I remember was being a good boy, never cheated on a woman, I'm a loyal husband and father - unfortunately though when your a drug addict you tend to burn some people.
I didn't mean it. It wasn't me! But I guess it's better than the outcome my little brother had. How I wish he was here to lean on. I hope he watched over me and offers me the strength I need to be ok.
And I want you all to know, I'm venting. I'm not thinking of picking up a straw or G-d forbid something worse. I'm not that guy, I never will be again. I just need to talk to people who don't judge me, and some of you know exactly how I feel.
I've been through this thought process before...all the questions, wondering if I was being punished for past
"sins"...you know what, my friend, it has nothing to do with any of that at all. Sometimes bad things happen to really good people, but you know what? A great guy like you has this huge support network because of the fact that you are a good guy. Your wife stays by your side, because she knows what a wonderful man you are.
Vent, let it all out...but then come to a point where you can forgive yourself of your perceived wrong doing, and then focus hard on living as well as you can. Remember that yesterday is done and gone.
None of us will judge you here.
Get high, put on some of your favourite tunes and have some fun here with us. I know that works for me every time
EDIT: Is it just me or does it irk anyone else when when a member all of 8 months and less than 50 posts decides to label themselves "vapor wizard"?
I'm like what the fuck, I've spent years and fucking thousands of dollars to become the idiot I am today. Forget about all of us, what about fucking Alan, Hippie, G, SM, Pipes, Vito, OF, just to name a few.
There should be some type of rule about that shit!
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Enchantre
Oil Painter
Karma is a bitch - and mvapes? Dreamrr? Vicki? all you lovely people - She will bitch-slap the ones that are being insensitive, and totally CRUSH the ones that are snarky to you about your pain/prospects/limitations.
It is tough to deal with chronic illness. Not only the pain, discomfort, limitations, but also the mental side of it. The emotional. It is devastating to live without hope. I also think it is wrong of us to abandon Hope, when shit hits the fan.
It is more wrong for someone else to try to take away your hope. Always, always, always, there is hope. There is hope that a random researcher will stumble across the key to relieve the illness (any of them), to ease the pain, the remove the limitation.
There is hope that the human body, with its amazing interconnections and abilities, will develop a compensation effect that will alleviate illness.
There is hope that better pain management will be developed, which will actually take the pain away, without damaging us.
It's a tough road, but we are tougher people.
It is tough to deal with chronic illness. Not only the pain, discomfort, limitations, but also the mental side of it. The emotional. It is devastating to live without hope. I also think it is wrong of us to abandon Hope, when shit hits the fan.
It is more wrong for someone else to try to take away your hope. Always, always, always, there is hope. There is hope that a random researcher will stumble across the key to relieve the illness (any of them), to ease the pain, the remove the limitation.
There is hope that the human body, with its amazing interconnections and abilities, will develop a compensation effect that will alleviate illness.
There is hope that better pain management will be developed, which will actually take the pain away, without damaging us.
It's a tough road, but we are tougher people.
momofthegoons
vapor accessory addict
Beautifully put Enchantre. 
momofthegoons
vapor accessory addict
Edit: Shit..... I didn't see your post Tweek. This wasn't exactly the appropriate next post.
Yeah, it was shocking. Apparently even after being arrested, they laughed about it. Their family was swearing to the press, threatening to kill them if they didn't turn off the camera...bizarre.
