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I'm 46. Not saying I'm in that midlife crisis mode where guys buy fast red cars, but I understand it a hell of a lot more. At least for me it's not about recapturing youth, but fuck it... Life is just too short not to have nice shit.

Put a pack of condoms in the office first aid kit. Then wait to see who complains that they haven't refilled the condoms.

Nobody dies from consumption these days. I wonder who cured it? (edit: so I looked it up. I never knew that consumption was TB. I always figured it was the catch-all term for "don't have a clue why they died, but got to put something down.)

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I'm on the train. This woman gets on with two HUGE rolling luggage things. There are two guys with her, each with rolling luggage. They all jostle through people to get to seats with the luggage. She sits next to me & starts brushing her waist-length hair. Two stops later they jump up &...

My HT's... I finally set up a cabinet to keep everything hidden, but easily accessible.

Well, this news sucks... not that I need any more glass! The graphite just looks to me like it would be more difficult to tell when it's dirty. Last HT I bought was that last recycler they had.

Nobody was in the office, so I loaded up my portable for an enjoyable evening commute. 10 min later a coworker comes in. "It smells like pot in here." "What? Really? I don't smell it."

There is a guy at work who traps people in neverending one sided conversations where the other person just nods or says "yeah" for like 30 minutes to an hour when he gets going. He apparently hasn't missed being in the audience of SNL for like a decade. This past week I heard he was pissed...

Being friends with an ex is weird. Like when she tells you she's about to sign up for a dating site because it's been too long & she's getting that itch. Then later when listening to music & for the first time really listen to a recently released Prince outtake & think to send it to her...

Been on the phone for the last hour with an old friend who wants to do a podcast with me. I told him I don't have the time... and he has been talking for the last hour about it like I said I can do it. He doesn't realize I've been "uh-huh"-ing him for an hour.

Remember back in the day... when you would have smoked out a modified Coffee-mate "bong?" Nice Swagger.

I'd be afraid of the cotton fibers cooking into the nail. Unless you do the rest of the cleaning every time. When I need to clean a nail I just turn the EVO to max & wait.

A friend comes over & as I am getting the EVO warmed up he asks if we can just vape off my Pax. Said the EVO is too much for him. I was laughing inside, as the PAX hadn't been charged or cleaned in a while. It tasted bad & died after a couple pulls. Sorry wimp! Go home to your edibles...

At a previous job I worked with a woman who was in school studying sex therapy (seriously, not a sex worker thing, but like a psychotherapist focusing on sex.) One day she tells me to feel her up. Uhhh... NO! We went back & forth long enough until I finally gave in, put my hands on her boobs...

Different woman at work than the one I previously mentioned. This one I work directly with, so it's a real no-no. She has talked about this yoga thing she has gotten into. A couple weeks back she tells me that she felt so good when she looked in the mirror that morning getting dressed, as she...

Good news! I figured out the key to not even wanting to look at someone or have anything to do with them whatsoever. I just started picturing a MAGA cap sitting on her desk. There isn't one, but even the thought that anyone could support that is a massive turn-off!

Cristina Hated Every Zebra Toupe H A T E R

There are no rules against dating in the workplace, but I made that mistake a long time ago and know all too well how when it crashes & burns (as everything has done so far) how that can make things much, much, much worse. Imagine going from the awkward "I wish my eyes didn't look at her...