Maybe the problem is that you're asking them to do something shady. They don't know who you are, and emails aren't really private these days.
I've had only good experiences with customer service.
Personally I like how the black cap matches the stem. I think the proportions of the 5.5 inch stem are more pleasing.
I only have the plain torch, but it's easy. It'll overheat long before your thumb gets tired.
Yeah, I've had great success showing newcomers how to use the Lotus. They almost all get it on the first try. The ones who seem to have the most difficulty are regular smokers -- they're used to the harshness of smoke, so they don't realize they're getting vapor until they have too much to handle.
I've never used the Gnome, but judging from pictures, I can't imagine passing it around as easily as the Lotus, which is exactly like passing around a bowl + lighter.
Ground small but not powdery. Basically as small as you can get it without it falling through the screen.
You shouldn't "pack" it in the sense of compacting the weed. I generally fill the bowl to about 2/3. Lighter flame at 1/2" to 5/8" may get you better results.
If you're ordering from the manufacturer, just use the contact form. If it hasn't already shipped, maybe they can cancel it and you can redo it.
Vector butane from Amazon and head shops.