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Why Does Being In Love Suck So Much?

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by Crohnie, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. Crohnie

    Crohnie Well-Known Member

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    For the 4th time in my 50 years, I'm in love with someone. I'm simply not the kind of person who can casually date...it just doesn't work for me. The other 3 times I was in love, the person was either taken, or I knew they were wrong for me, no matter how much I loved them.

    This time is different. For the first time in my life, the guy I'm in love with is single and would be right for me. The problem is that it's a friend I've known since 1992. I've always loved him as a friend, but before about 6 months ago, I didn't think of him in a romantic sense.

    When I was young and foolish, I thought it was impossible to fall in love with someone like him who "wasn't my type." How wrong and shallow I was. Many years ago, he made a pass at me in what I assumed was a joking playful way. Looking back at it now, I'm not so sure he was joking. I have a terrible time picking up on romantic social clues. You pretty much have to hit me over the head with a hammer to get the message across.

    The worst agony is not being able to tell the person you love how you feel, but I'm not willing to risk our friendship to express it. This really sucks, I just wish I knew how to deal with it. Thanks guys, for letting me get this off my chest.
     
  2. Breathemetal

    Breathemetal Well-Known Member

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    The risk may prove to be worth it and if he is a true friend he wont let that come between you and him even if it proves to be awkward
     
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  3. 215z

    215z Well-Known Member

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    "It's only awkward if we both want it to be"
     
  4. momofthegoons

    momofthegoons vapor accessory addict Staff Member

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    Chronie, you might find that this just "happens" as you spend more time together. People who are in love send out signals, no matter how hard they try not to. If this is meant to be, he'll pick up on it.

    And next time he makes that pass, open your eyes and go for it. ;)
     
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  5. goatgobaahh

    goatgobaahh Well-Known Member

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    Most of all don't stress or worry about this. I'm dating someone right now who "isn't my type"

    The fact is I can't get enough it's been almost eight months (of course talk to me in another 8 months)

    The point is relax...and enjoy!!!

    this life is worth living!
     
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  6. Crohnie

    Crohnie Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the support, everybody. :nod:
     
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  7. Crohnie

    Crohnie Well-Known Member

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    Location:
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    On my Facebook today:

    "I was thinking of you floating down the Roaring Fork River." He lives in Colorado

    "The fish miss you."

    Sigh...:luv:
     
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  8. goatgobaahh

    goatgobaahh Well-Known Member

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    375
    You better tell him how you feel before he finds a girl who will!

    Unless you don't of course!
     
    Crohnie likes this.
  9. Crohnie

    Crohnie Well-Known Member

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    I don't think I have to worry about him finding a girl. We are both guys. :evil:
    But I hear what you're saying.

    Yes, Virginia. Crohnie is a big HOMO! :haw:
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2014
  10. lwien

    lwien Well-Known Member

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    You do realize that the beginning stages of romantic love is really a type of mental illness, right? Just want to put it in the right perspective. ;)
     
  11. tuk

    tuk Well-Known Member

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    Sounds to me like you owe him one back....fairs fair.
     
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  12. RUDE BOY

    RUDE BOY Space is the Place

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    OK @Crohnie Time to stop jackin' yourself around and decide which is worse ;

    Deal with and overcome the fear of possibly being rejected ! scary for sure but not certain by any means.
    Or
    Live with Regret for rest of your life for not acting and working for the love and happiness you deserve

    if you don't put your Heart and feelings out there you will not know the joys of sharing that love But for sure you will still be able to feel the Pain of being Alone.
     
  13. CarolKing

    CarolKing Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur

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    Crohnie, Life is short. We need to grab happiness when we can. It sounds like he may be interested in a romantic relationship . You said he made a pass at you.

    Next time you are together, you make the pass. See what happens. It sounds like you know each other very well. You will be able to tell by his demeanor if he is interested in you romantically. Its a risk worth taking. I know easy for me to say.

    It sounds like you are around the same age myself. You have to reach out and grab happiness when you can Crohnie we're not getting any younger.

    I have a best friend who is gay, she's female and I love her like a sister. We have been best friends since middle school. She had boyfriends when we were teenagers. When she was in college, she was even engaged to a young man. They split up and sometime after that she realized she was a lesbian.

    We didn't see each other for a couple years and when we did, she was living with another woman. She practically had to hit me over the head that she was lesbian. I didnt get it right away. She didn't sit me down and tell me. Over time I just knew.

    She denied herself happiness for many years. She stayed in a loveless, lonely relationship. She met someone else and felt so much guilt breaking off with her other partner. The guilt was making her sick. Her other partner was very angry about the break up. She had to free herself from a very manipulative angry person.

    Last summer I sang at her wedding. My best friend is now happy and in a loving healthy same sex marriage, and it's legal. It's harder if your gay to find the right person I think.

    I think if you don't tell him, you'll always wonder, what if?
    Be happy and healthy friend.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2014
  14. Crohnie

    Crohnie Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Chicago
    Thanks again, guys. By now you've probably figured out that I'm not very experienced at this. When you're an introverted recluse/eccentric whose had a chronic illness for more than 20 years, these things don't come easily. Remember, this is my best friend that I've known for more than 20 years. Breaking down the barriers isn't easy.

    EDIT: The fact that I'm in Chicago and he's in Colorado makes things a bit difficult....
     
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  15. 215z

    215z Well-Known Member

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    There is more than one reason to move to Colorado!
     
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  16. Crohnie

    Crohnie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    I had planned on moving to Colorado before all this happened. Probably next Summer. :D
     
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  17. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu drawn to FC like animal magnetism

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    It is hard. My mind is going to the future where I may have to consider changing my assumption that each one I love is 'the one' :(
    Sometimes things don't work out. People fight and hurt eachother. They are just words but they cut deep
    I hope it all works out for everyone. Nobody wants to be alone
     
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