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Schizophrenic

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by shadyonedeath, Jan 6, 2014.

  1. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    Anyone here diagnosed with Schizophrenia?

    I got diagnosed because I was gullible enough to dwell into conspiracy theories, consider they MIGHT be true, and talk about it with a specialized autism psychotherapist. Apparently that's a big no-no if you're convinced by documentaries that the government doesn't have your best interest and does shady things to its citizens in the name of social order (control).

    I don't here voices. I did believe I reached some kind of 'Christ consciousness' though. Like Buddha consciousness, Kundalini, enlightenment etc. They said I was becoming paranoid, according to them, for thinking modern psychiatry was a form of social eugenics. Anyways, I suspected my therapist tipped off the police, whom tipped off my job that I was "mentally unstable". People start acting weird around me, having meetings (excluding me), and basically acting like someone told them I was a psychopath to spook them.

    I lost all my relationships at work, from what I suspect was slander/character assassination from the basis of authority figures. (Picture your local police going to your job, having a meeting with your co-workers, and telling them "Okay folks, your co-worker is a possible maniac(because he's casted himself a traitor to his country in conspiracies), be careful around him, try to act normal, but keep an eye out"...then having those same co-workers "try to act normal" after their sense of security has been told is jeopardized around you and you, not feel a thing is out of place or out of the ordinary. Kinda like the TRUMAN Show with Jim Carey. People invalidating you and pretending to keep the "show" going.


    They gave me anti-psychotics, Risperidone, and I refuse to take them after one dose. Worse feeling ever. Attacks your nervous system and right side of brain. Also, I went to therapy for 2 years before they would diagnose me. They said they can't unless I accept treatment (medication). After two years I said, fuck it...give me the "treatment"...and now im fucked. I can never become a professional and now its harder to get a job because its in my background check.

    Its almost as if they were trying to get me to accept treatment so they could 'trap me' with the diagnosis. Nobody wants to hire a 'schizo'.

    That's my story.
    Ansel, grokit, Your Highness and 2 others like this.
  2. syrupy

    syrupy where a vape has no name

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    That's quite a story. Things may not be as they seem. It's easy to mix up cause and effect. For instance, if you think people at work are acting funny around you, it may be that something in your behavior that's triggering that. I've seen it before-- a person thinks people are strange around them, and it feeds on itself. There's a ton of information that happens non-verbally. If you are uncomfortable around people at work, I guarantee you they are picking up on that, and maybe that is causing the issue. Of course I can't know, not being in your head and around your job site. You seem very focused on the big picture stuff, like the psychiatric industry as a whole, but most people I've worked with don't process that way. They just want to talk about their weekend and what's on TV.

    So my question is: how are you going to get better about how you feel about the world? I'm not trying to prod, but you don't sound happy with this situation at all. Just my opinion, but I've seen good and bad results from people taking anti-psychotics. There may be medicine out there that can help. Don't be quick to lump everything together. You may be closer to a resolution than it appears.

    Edit: all that said, mental health remains a taboo subject. It's sad, because it's all health, whether mental or physical. If someone has diabetes, we just give them medicine. But for mental health, as you've discovered, the rules of the game are much different.
  3. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    Hello there, thanks for your post and concern. Could you elaborate on positive SSRI stories?

    Right now its trying to find a job. I quit my job because the stress of people acting strange was too much. I had to make fruit punch mix one time for the group, and my co-workers, especially the one's closest to my boss, who I suspect was behind all the gossip/manipulating...hesitated to drink until I finally drank it. The thought of people thinking I would poison them really struck a chord. Them thinking I was this 'bad' person was something I couldnt handle on a daily basis. I felt judged and watched every day. Very bad vibes.

    Im getting better by going outside and experiencing things. I do have issues with past experiences and carrying them over to defeat new ones. But I'm fine, the only thing that made me paranoid was fitting majority of abnormal symptoms of he personality disorders. I felt like a monster...everyday.
  4. syrupy

    syrupy where a vape has no name

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    Someone close to me sounds like he's had similar experiences to you. I don't think he was on SSRI, I think it was Seroquel. He said it helped him to keep things together and not worry about filling in the details, if that makes any sense.

    You know, your story about the punch and work isn't that uncommon. Once at my work, with chips and salsa, someone "double-dipped" and people starting freaking out, like they were going to catch something. People are strange, I tell you.

    Trust me, I can tell from your posts you are a conscientious person, not a monster.

    I missed the part about not working anymore. Bummer. If society doesn't want you in the workplace, it seems they should be able to foot some disability checks. It kind of sucks, because from your posts it seems like you want to be working, but accepting a check each month to not work might be an option?

    I feel for your situation. Once things get diagnosed a certain way, it is very difficult to shake the baggage that comes with it. Another friend of mine was sent in for some psych testing, and because she answered "yes" to the question of if she believed in angels, apparently they thought she had all kinds of delusional behavior. Psychiatry is still kind of in the dark ages, I think.

    Hoping the best for you.
  5. Seek

    Seek Apprentice Daydreamer

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    THC is known to cause few symptoms that occur in shizophrenia. I think this is why its been believed so long that weed causes it.
    It can make you accept conspiracy theories openly.
    It can make you paranoid.
    It can derail your thoughts.
    (CBD is good at calming these "psychotic" effects of THC. MAybe this is why it's being studied as a new potential antipsychotic)

    All of this is very common in schizophrenia, but having only these symptoms is not enough to label one shizo at all.
    Conspiracy theories? Yeah, so easy to label someone psychotic so nobody will believe them.
    I also believe a lot of conspiracy theories, just like most of stoners.
    Paranoid? Every healthy person can be paranoid sometimes and even extreme paranoia alone is not a proof of schizophrenia.
    Thought disorder? This is one of the key symptoms of shizophrenia. Ranging from frequent derailing to incomprehensible word salad.
    People experience thought disorder on weed normally and a lot of people have very mild case of this when they're otherwise healthy.

    Does your paranoia make no sense? Nope, if you connect the dots, it makes sense, it's not illogical, just paranoid.
    Is your train of thought fucked up? For me it seems you have it under control.
    Are you hallucinating? You say no.
    What about your emotions? Schizo emotions are either flat or almost flat (this can also be depression etc). Or very inappropriate.
    Are you experiencing any weird involuntary movements?

    If nothing above is true for you I doubt you are shizophrenic. Maybe I'm not any doctor, but that above is basically the definition of schizo...
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2014
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  6. basement farmer

    basement farmer My face is melting...

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    Schizophrenia is a serious psychiatric disorder that I doubt too many of us have the qualifications to comment on authoritatively. This forum is probably not an appropriate outlet for such advice. JMO.
  7. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

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    SSRIs are not anti-psychotics, though they cane used in combination with them.

    It sounds to me more like you need talk therapy than an anti-psychotic. But I'm not a professional. My mom is (a licensed clinical social worker), and always reminds her students that psychosis is so relatively unusual that many therapists go their whole career without having a single patient diagnosed with it.

    But at the same time, for many serious psych disorders, you are not aware of how ill you are. I was that way during years of clinical depression - I thought I was just responding appropriately to a fucked-up world and life, until I finally got a functional anti-depressant. In retrospect I know I was seriously off then, but at the time I had no clue and freaked out at anyone who said I had a problem. And I was raised by a psychotherapist.

    I have had two friends develop schizophrenia, and they were both positive they were fine (but at the same time, you can know you're schizophrenic and still be so). But they were truly acting whacky - one spent an hour yelling at a thunderstorm, the other (a guy who doesn't cross-dress) turned up in public dressed as Tina Turner and began pissing on random people. THAT is psychotic.

    If you don't trust psychiatrists, you may want to try a clinical social worker. They have good clinical training, but are less trusting in the meds, and make far less money than psychiatrists. And they tend to be more left/liberal and open to the idea that odd opinions don't mean you have a problem. Hell, my mom was a beatnik and freedom rider before becoming a clinician and never thought any of my (or my dad's) leftist conspiracy theories indicated a problem. Nor have any of the half dozen therapists I've seen.
    grokit, syrupy and RUDE BOY like this.
  8. Magic9

    Magic9 Plant Enthusiast

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    Who sent you to the specialized autism psychotherapist? That shit is expensive and hard to have done.

    I'm no doctor, so take my post with a grain of salt. As any true paranoid should. You come across as more BP1 or schizoaffective more than schizophrenic. Delusions of reference, "Christ-like" mania, and I'm betting you are not sleeping well.

    Fuck the Risperidone. Try Abilify or Seroquel. Far less intense. Maybe with an SSRI/mood stabilizer. Talk it over with your pdoc. Try it for a few weeks.

    Don't worry about the pdoc telling people. He is bound by law. Unless he feels you are a danger to yourself or others, he can't alert the police. If he did, you'd be in the hospital my friend.
    RUDE BOY likes this.
  9. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    And I dont think you either have any authority to commend how "serious" it is. There are numerous cases of Whistle blowers being slandered/socially exiled/and disconnected from society by groups such as the CIA by means of manipulation, intimidation, and character assassination. Many of whom are deemed schizophrenic/dangerous which gives unknowingly authorities an excuse to commit such acts against a citizen.

    Don't get me started. But you, playing 'professional' advocate, is highly annoying. This forum is where a person(s) CHOOSES to discuss his/her matters outside of a 'professional' and money motivated opinion.
  10. crawdad

    crawdad floatin

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    SO had the unfortunate situation of saying too much to a doctor who made a knee jerk reaction and basically institutionalized someone who didn't need it, even though temporary it was quite the ordeal. we all have emotions and thoughts and some of us delve deeper than others when not satisfied with the status quo, not everyone will understand or interpret properly.

    in my experience, those feelings are driven by others not you...dealing with that might mean excluding certain people from your life as well as choosing how much of your thoughts you choose to share. being reserved with some does not mean you are not being yourself.

    best to you shady. :peace: (schizophrenia runs in my family, im familiar.)
    4tokin and shadyonedeath like this.
  11. zymos

    zymos Well-Known Member

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    Well you brought it up in the first place- what was your expectation? BF's statement is true.
    Sorry to hear about your problems with work, etc- that really sucks.
    Quetzalcoatl and basement farmer like this.
  12. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

    Messages:
    472
    Location:
    In the Shadow of the Beast
    You are right, numerous governments have used the label of mental illness to illegitimate opponents.

    And there are plenty of functional schizophrenics in the world. One of the friends of mine it happened to has lived a perfectly normal life for 20+ years now, almost no meds at this point. He dealt with it through meditation and being lucky enough to marry an understanding and kind woman, who helps him hugely. Of course since I haven't been able to get a date since landing in a wheelchair, I have no idea how he landed her. But luckily he did.

    There is far too much stigma re mental illness in this country. Only a tiny percentage of the mentally ill are a danger to themselves or others or even need to change their lives in a permanent way.
    grokit, RUDE BOY and shadyonedeath like this.
  13. basement farmer

    basement farmer My face is melting...

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    This topic had train wreck written all over it, I should've known better.
    zymos likes this.
  14. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    True? And by what merit? Majority? Authority? Are you implying either has never been wrong? We used to burn people for the same stigmas we give "mentally ill"...because they weren't of the 'ordinary' way of thinking/life.

    The most helpful posts are those speaking of their knowledge on the subject, or personal/proximal experience in order to help me. The most useless, IMO, are those whom choose to take a stand against deep discussion on a subject. In my experience, those who oppose/interupt people in discussion are those who desire a subtle sense of power/control.

    And now you label it a train wreck? Well, maybe your the one throwing the wrench into it.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2014
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  15. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    I believe i had no other expectations other than individuals freely discussing the topic. Not individuals commenting "YOU!? You of all people(s), can't comment on this! This is for serious people and professionals! How dare YOU mere peasants discuss these matters with someone who' life is being affected by the issue!? Blasphemy!"

    Something like that.
    Dreamerr likes this.
  16. zymos

    zymos Well-Known Member

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    WTF dude? basement farmer correctly pointed out that it's a complicated issue. You attacked him. He never tried to censor anyone, just gave his opinion.
    I wasn't the one who said this thread would be a train wreck, but you are proving that to be true.
    Quetzalcoatl and basement farmer like this.
  17. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    That was a misquote. Attack is a strong violent word. Expressing contempt might be more appropriate.

    You're still failing to understand that there is no right or wrong. Only perspective and what you believe. The problem is he's imposing his beliefs on others and simultaneously snubbing the members of this forum who are contributing to this thread, which from my perspective is helpful.
  18. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    Emotions are in check when in public. No weird movements.

    When I was going through this, before the 'schizo', I went in there for suicidal thoughts initially. I was so depressed with how I managed my current life circumstances, that I constantly had thoughts running in my head about suicide.

    Once I checked into therapy (kaiser), they started giving me the "well, you might have major depressive disorder. And PSTD from your childhood abuse 'incident' and random acts of violence."

    This is where I began to self diagnose myself, reading DSM's and symtom websites and people discussing their "psycho/sociopath/narcissist/bi-polar/aspergers/autistic/etc.. boyfriends/friends/co-workers. I began to identify with a lot of the symptoms and behaviors in all of them, which freaked me out into 'panic attacks'...or as I call them "They want me dead...society wants ppl like me dead or in prison". (Note: don't smoke weed and self diagnose on the internet)

    I would return to my therapy sessions confessing all my 'discoveries' about myself somehow thinking if I had admitted it, I would be patted on the back for being a 'good honest' person. Little did I know, this was the beginning to a nightmare. The therapist became VERY interested in what I had to say, in my family's behaviors, and our relationships. I became paranoid here because I thought I had done something terribly wrong; I turned in my family to the "system". If I was truly all those things, I would be a 'psychopath' (a learned psychopath; through social intelligence "how to attract women" websites, kinda like "How to win friends and influence people').

    The paranoia came rushing in, feeling like an enemy of the state. Feeling like I just ignorantly "tagged" myself and family as undesirable personalities to the society, therefore the 'system' would put us through tests/slander in other to lose our jobs/credibility/etc. I started connecting theories on autism behavior, the MMR vaccine, and social control. Apparently autistic/Aspergers children, if not taught empathy, are at higher risk of "psychopathy". I became suspicious when the newer DSM volumes kept changing the labels for Psychopathy/sociopath into more friendly terms such as "Anti-social personality disorder". I assumed it was because its more appealing for people to request help for someone who is 'anti-social' rather than accusing them of being a psychopath. The appealing changes in labels for 'disorders' didn't seem right. I mean, how many kids did you know in highschool who kept to themselves? Nothing wrong with that.

    -----
    On Autism. Autistic children are known to exhibit "mimicking" behavior. In my theory of the MMR vaccine bring true, they poisoned us all in 1993-1994 causing an inflation of autism. The mimicking behavior was used as a strength for social control. Use the celebrities/idols to give the people something to mimic. This was the key in the further discussion bellow on the media. The vaccine also impaired peoples social skills, further increasing the strength of control within the masses. Some may repute the MMR claims saying the man blowing the whistle was a liar, but think about this. Who's easier to blame, an individual blowing the whistle (slander), or the medical field? Who has more influence/control? Who has more money?

    -------

    I also connected Maslows hierarchy of needs to be manipulated through society. Each block being controlled, from the bottom up, by; Pharmaceutical field, Banks, Workplace, and Media. Each having an impact on the needs of a person, suppressing development into self-actualization. Basically, keeping people down on a primitive larva level of existence. (mainly minorities; the used)
    [​IMG]

    So I kept going on and on with 'research', connecting dots, and finding psychological studies on how when animals are stressed (and level of security; survival), their levels of anxiety rises. Which in turn causes them to eat more, fuck more, and fight.

    I connected these findings to how humans (also from the animal family) are being manipulated by societies rulers/law makers/rich (influential) to feel insecure, unsafe, and majority kept poor in order to keep them busy with "surviving" instead of thriving into higher levels of consciousness (See 8 levels of consciousness) Also, how "arts" are being eliminated from public schools in attempt to suppress creativity and focus on institutionalizing minorities (whom are the majority) into willing servitude to authority (teachers; in the form of pleasing them with the work they demand) and competition (through competing with your peers for 'better' grades/property/spouses/etc, encouraging the 'dog-eat-dog' lifestyle, which in turn, turns people against each other, promotes civil hostility/rejection to those 'different' than the individual, and prevents people from uniting as a collective force which keeps the majority divided and conquered by the ruling classes.

    The Media affects self-esteem. News channels promote fear, distrust, and paranoia. Magazines/film/mainstream (manufactured) artist are constantly convincing young people they are 'not good enough' through bombardment of sex appeal and social status that the average individual most likely "won't" be able to achieve. In turn, attacking the self esteem of the individual through their own self worth, as people are naturally inclined to compare themselves to others; think in school when your friends compared test grades to see how they stood against their peers. (IMPORTANT: everything is done through one's own will; self defeat, as it leaves no trace/blame but to the individual). Media also promotes worship of "idols", instead of one's self. Celebrities, athletes, etc used as methods of individual self-defeat through conditioning beliefs that a person is "BORN" with gifts, instead of the reality that one can too master skills through self-discipline and work ethic. Idols are used as means of 'living bi-curiously', defeating ones motivation to strive for greatness themselves.

    People are also manipulated to believe that one must 1)find a spouse/mate in order to feel complete, 2)create a family, and 3) have children/get married by a certain age...increasing one's anxiety the older one gets and increasing the chance of a desperation to 'catch' a partner and him/her not being a suitable match...perpetuation the failing marriage trends of societies adult-youth.

    In the work place, people are given a choice; Do as I say, or find another job. We are quickly shown that 1) YOU are replaceable by someone(usually younger and proportionally ignorant to life experience) willing to do what the employer demands and 2)If your job conflicts or with your core beliefs/values, a)you're either going to stand for them and suffer consequences or b)relinquish them in exchange for your means of survival/security/money...aka...selling your soul. It is made clear that in order to get ahead, you must please the boss (authority;think back to the conditioning of the teacher(authority) in schools aka. 'institutions'). And how pleasing the boss, instead of work ethnic/quality, promotes alternative methods of coercion, flattery, loyalty, validation, etc.

    There's more but i'm becoming quite drained/tired.


    To sum this part up, we're being lied to, forced to do things against our beliefs that covertly taxes our spirituality(same as situations and people that can tax/drain our emotional/physiological energy), and are given unhealthy short-term 'solutions' to relieve our anxieties instead of promoting the wellness and emotional/physiological/spiritual growth of the masses. Why? Money. If they can make you Hungry, horny, and angry...they can provide temporary relief...and then it repeats every Monday Morning. A Vicious cycle that flows the money up the pyramid.




    Feel free to ask question regarding holes in my 'theory'. Im sure there are plenty as I wrote all this off from memory.
    :)

    [​IMG]
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2014
    Magic9 likes this.
  19. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    Kaiser. She's has PhD's specializing in autism and 75% of the books in her office say Autism/Aspergers.
  20. crawdad

    crawdad floatin

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    what can be more overwhelming than the knowing is the believing that you need to do something about it on a cosmic scale (not that you are saying that, i am). your life can be lived within the bullshit and if change is what you are about an example to others is how you live.

    part of me lol'd and part of me just yep'd.
  21. Jeppy

    Jeppy JedHI Vaporist

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    Location:
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    Mental illness is a touchy subject. I suggest one have an education prior to giving any advice. I also suggest discussion be done in the appropriate 'therapeutic' setting.
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  22. lwien

    lwien Well-Known Member

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    Totally agree. Not only is it a touchy subject, but it is also a very serious illness that not only affect the person afflicted, but also, everyone around them.

    I too urge those that are giving out advice, especially advice in regards to medicine to someone who may be inflicted with mental illness, not to do so simply because you could be doing MUCH more harm than possible good.
  23. zymos

    zymos Well-Known Member

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    For advice about vaporizers , I trust people on this site more than I would anyone else's opinion anywhere.

    For advice on anything else, this site is just like the rest of the Internet- some people know what they're talking about, others don't but act like they do.
    grokit, lost nebula, lwien and 3 others like this.
  24. shadyonedeath

    shadyonedeath Well-Known Member

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    Yea, that's what i'm trying to do now. I still have the issue of falling back to those psychological profiling videos such as these and feeling targeted. Notice near the end, how it talks about people organizing and holding meetings in the work place. Thats exactly what i felt happend to me. Except, I hadn't seen this video until today.



    Its kinda ironic...there are people out there teaching others how to act like psychopaths in favor for attracting women/power/social status...and there are people teaching people how to expose/attack psychopaths. It doesn't make sense to me but its there.

    To me, its; wolves raising wolves....and wolves teaching sheep how to catch wolves. But who's the real culprit?
  25. Magic9

    Magic9 Plant Enthusiast

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    Everyone is real sensitive about mental health issues now huh? Op didn't ask for medical advice, he asked to be heard and maybe have an open discussion. Is that the best thing for someone to do? Maybe, maybe not. He did though. So fuck it, I'm here for you @shadyonedeath.

    I think you are probably crazy. Probably even schizo. Schizophrenic is considered one end of the spectrum with autism on the other end. Nobody here can dx you, but you seem to have a deep therapy background consisting of professional opinion. If they say you're schizo, you probably fall somewhere on the spectrum.

    That said, that doesn't make you wrong. Social control has been happening since the beginning of time. I agree with a lot of what you said and don't think it's too far off.

    Talk to your pdoc about another AAP. Try it for a month or two. It might help regulate you and not fuck with your brain so much.
    RUDE BOY, grokit and Seek like this.

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