Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by Vicki, Oct 10, 2015.
No criticism of online dating, @macbill . If you speak for it, that's good enough for me.
Lots of good advice all around. No problem at the workplace? I would only think if it would be awkward if say things didn't work and later it would cause friction at work. But she sounds nice and would probably keep work and relationships separate enough.
Lots of dancing advice? All true. And there are safe ways to build slowly on being social, in that element and at least you will have energy. For when things go quickly. Is it true that dancers live longer?
There are other ways to allow women to approach you. Like walking a friendly dog. Or if there are clubs/groups where you might meet someone with a similar interest. There is already an interest to share in place.
I haven't practiced much of my own advice. TBO. If you go in any situation giving off the right amount of confidence, they'll sense that. If they are become talkative with you, then being a good listener will be helpful and put you at ease. I have to literally bite into my tongue sometimes, if they are chattie cathy's. and gain from the experience.
He offended a lot of women and and came off superficial and sexist with that vulgar approach, but those few exceptions might have paid off. I kid, I kid. But, We all know that type of person.
Nice that good people are finding each other. I know a few people who ended up getting married in my circle. The Positive is that you can chat with the 'potentials' and find out more with no pressure of dating until it is time. I would conversely, get advice for watching out for people who catfish or feel they need to exaggerate their profile, etc. Just the ordinary caution you would use plus rules of thumb advice.
For a first encounter. I might pick an event or place where I would have a good time by myself. If there is a no show. That way it doesn't weigh on you. You came out to have a good time regardless of outcome. Or at least start there. Just my 2 cents worth of dating advice to add. Good luck out there!
Or cower under your desk when she visits that space. Despite all my advice, That is more in line of what I'd really do. Is she gone yet? Is safe to come out? I kid I kid...
Don't dip the pen in the company ink.
I am arrhythmic. When everyone claps at a song at the concert, I'm just a bit behind because I don't "feel" it so much as try to copy others. Combine that with a youthful fear of girls and a natural shyness, there were no dances for me in high school. Even when I tried, at home, in the dark, behind closed doors, alone; my inconsistent jerks of limbs would have looked to Elaine in wonder at her fluid movement.
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When my wife died, one thing I promised myself I would do is to learn to dance. Just because I couldn't, didn't mean I didn't want to. I knew getting out there would be important, otherwise I would have balled up under a blanket and hid until the pain went away. So, even though I was still freshly hurt and was not looking for anything, I took some community classes.
@Madri-Gal is 100% correct on what to expect.
While I can't really "dance" now, I can move my feet meaningfully to music--WITHOUT COUNTING IN MY HEAD. (Dancing is a lot more fun when you just move rather than count and plan where the next step will take you.) My wife now was a lot like me and had no desire to move to the music in front of others. But, when I stand up at the table and hold out my hand, she takes it and we hit the floor. At first she didn't. When rejected I'd just offer my hand to another and pull them to the floor. I don't know if the ease of me finding a another partner changed her mind, but, I no longer need offer my hand a second time any more.
Then again, that was my thing. What I wanted to be for myself. That doing my thing made me more attractive to women was only a side benefit. Even if it weren't for dancing, women love a person who is interested in something and who works at getting good at it. If I had general advice to a person looking for love is to find a hobby and work it. The harder you work it, the more attractive you will be to the person you will finally end up with.
When I actually left enough grief behind to begin to date, I agree with @macbill. Online dating has been very good to me. Not the swipe left/right thing, which is not what I sought, but the sites where you get to exchange posts for a bit before seeing each other.
Too true. It works even less when that person is screaming it at you and you haven't said a peep all day. Biking, however has helped me calm down from my stressed out co-workers and avoiding unnecessary confrontation. Or sometimes a relaxing trip to the farm ?
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Good news! I figured out the key to not even wanting to look at someone or have anything to do with them whatsoever. I just started picturing a MAGA cap sitting on her desk. There isn't one, but even the thought that anyone could support that is a massive turn-off!
Just IMAGINE where that thumb has been!
Wouldn't work for me....put that hat on Scarlet Johannson, Vanessa Hudgins, Nicki Minaj or J-lo and I'd still trip over my tongue.
@OldNewbie - is it me or is that thumb really, really small
Small? His hands are YUGE!
Different woman at work than the one I previously mentioned. This one I work directly with, so it's a real no-no.
She has talked about this yoga thing she has gotten into. A couple weeks back she tells me that she felt so good when she looked in the mirror that morning getting dressed, as she noticed the yoga actually made her boobs perkier (she's a tiny woman without big'uns.) So we laughed about it & I was congratulating her, blah blah blah. So she's wearing a t-shirt & not the normal bulky sweater. I hate that it's inappropriate to even on just a human-to-human level you can't say "Wow! You mentioned the yoga thing before, but your tits look great today. Good job on the yoga!"
Could be taken the wrong way.
Even before the MeToo movement took hold I had developed a "non-reaction, reaction" to things like this in a corporate environment even when prompted by a lady herself. In some ways it's a shame because I've worked with some very funny ladies who were comfortable with their sexuality and were also comfortable being "one of the guys".
A late 20's lady temp who was really funny, pretty, super competent and confident was working a project I was managing. The topic turned to getting one of the male directors to pay attention during design meetings. She turned toward me and faked opening her shirt to expose herself saying "maybe this would work". Several of the guys in the project room laughed. I was looking right at her and remained expressionless. Being the funny type and not reacting...I could see I caused her to be embarrassed. This lady was strong/aggressive (not to be confused with abrasive as some guys are apt to do when a woman is strong in a work environment) and could hold her own in male oriented topics like MMA. What she did wasn't wrong as far as I'm concerned and in another environment I might have laughed my ass off at the thought of that director's reaction.
At a previous job I worked with a woman who was in school studying sex therapy (seriously, not a sex worker thing, but like a psychotherapist focusing on sex.) One day she tells me to feel her up. Uhhh... NO! We went back & forth long enough until I finally gave in, put my hands on her boobs & coldly asked "Are you happy now?" She was PISSED! LOL
I once dropped a few tabs of LDS, and I ended up in Costa Rica wearing a white shirt and tie in a middle class barrio of San Jose.
Sorry, what is LDS??
I was making a bad joke, the only kind I know. LDS stands for Latter-Day Saints, or The Mormons. Every Mormon does a Mission: spreading the Word of their religion. They are always very nicely dressed, with white shirts and ties.
I thought it a pretty good joke. In 'merica.
We had a homophobic guy in the office, so my gay teammate decided to have a romp in his cube with his boyfriend once after FAC. Every time I walked past that cube afterwards I had to smile wondering, if only that guy knew....
Wild. I remember a story where a Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on a plane. After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”
What, exactly, is going on? Just a fear because of lack of due process in the colleges or a #MeToo thing? Or, is it the message of past generations as to success getting lost? (Past generations taught us the way to riches is to graduate high school, get a full time job before getting married, get married before having kids and to stay married.)
When 1/2 of the people between 18-34 don't have a steady partner, there is some societal change that has or will happen. Is it related to swipe left/right?
Just got back from the VidaCann grand opening in Orlando. Awesome place! The swag bag was incredible! Had a t-shirt, ball cap, glass, and tons of other stuff. Got some great medicine for 30% off too. Love this place.
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