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Making new friends after 30 yrs old?

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by randybishop, Jul 10, 2014.

  1. randybishop

    randybishop Member

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    How does anyone make friends after 30 years old?
    By 30 yrs old most people have gotten married, started a family (kids) and seems to have no free time to hang out. Most of my friends from high school and college have moved away or if they have not moved away they are immersed in family life. Making new friends (to me at least) is very awkward and not successful. By the age of 30 most people are very selective (including myself) and it seems not willing to invest time into a new friendship. It just seems very hard to make new friends after 30 yrs old.

    Your thoughts?
     
  2. EveryDayAmnesiac

    EveryDayAmnesiac Bad news from the stars.

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    Buy me a beer and I'll be more than happy to be your friend... :cheers:
     
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  3. VaporsVaporizer

    VaporsVaporizer On the Stoop

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    I'm almost 60 :lol: put yourself out there-join a club, take a class, just GO OUT. It's not a bad thing to be selective, but you're not gonna make new friends unless you try. If you immerse yourself in the things that you like to do, you'll find new friends ;). Some friends are cyclical , some are forever .
     
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  4. Caligula

    Caligula Maximus

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    I want to be freinds with OPs avatar.
     
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  5. bellas

    bellas Well-Known Member

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    I'm a loner. I have a family and am close to them. I still am friends with people I went to high school with but, we never see each other, no dinner dates, no facebook, no bowling. We might run into each other every now and then. Funny thing is when we talk we are usually all doing very similar things in our lives.
     
  6. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

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    Even harder when you're chronically ill and handicapped. I haven't made a new friend in many, many, many years. Not to mention no dating for over a decade...
     
  7. Madcap79

    Madcap79 Jack of all trades, master of none.

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    I'm in my mid 30's and only have friends from high school and some 'work friends'. I'm quiet and socially awkward. I agree with @VaporsVaporizer , the best way is to go do something you like and at least then you'll have the activity to discuss initially so things aren't awkward. Best of luck!
     
  8. basement farmer

    basement farmer My face is melting...

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    After 25 of age, your average male has less than one close personal friend

    My ex dumped me and her kids to persue the life (biker chick) she never had with with the three of us. Good ridance....bitch. Since then, my life has improved manyfold, which includes having friends over for beer that are anywhere from young enough to be one of my kids to old enough to be one of my parents.

    I'm 47, you're never too old to stop making friends.

    PM me if you want to talk. Trust me, it aint that bad.....
     
  9. crawdad

    crawdad floatin

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    agreed. also, since you have kids perhaps having their friends over and their parents. if your kids are anything like you and their friends anything like their parents you might have some common ground there.
     
  10. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

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    I tried this to no avail. Joined R/C airplane clubs, literary clubs, and others. Ate up a shitload of time and money and yielded zero friends.

    In my case I think part of the problem is where i live (just outside of DC) and work (in DC). Between how full of assholes DC is and being fat, bald, handicapped, and in constant pain, nothing has worked. Hoping to move to a different area, work and health permitting. Even Baltimore is much better, I just can't do the commute from Baltimore to DC every day. Working at a DC law firm does not help either. Not gonna meet friends there.

    To quote Bananaman from Adventure Time, I don't want to be alone, but I've gotten pretty good at it.
     
  11. Enchantre

    Enchantre A short, pithy statement

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    Um, sounds like your motivation for joining these clubs was just to make friends. Didn't you join because you are actually interested in the subject? "ate up a shitload of time and..."

    Perhaps you should just try being happy with yourself, where you are, before you start shopping for friends.
     
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  12. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

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    691
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    Sounds like someone who has not been grappling with chronic social isolation and illness for long, if at all. Go a decade alone most of the time and you'll try all sorts of shit just to be around other people.

    I joined the clubs on the recommendation of family and doctors based on both interests and wanting friends. In the end the friends didn't happen and the clubs were pricier (and less fun) than doing the same activities informally.

    Other than lack of friends and constant physical pain I am perfectly happy with where I'm at and who I am. I have a great family, for the first time in my life plenty of money, numerous hobbies, great pets. But getting on 20 years in constant pain and over a decade without any friend within an hour of where I live is a bit much. I have plenty of friends that live elsewhere - TX, NC, NY, NJ, CA, CO, even in the same state as me but in a different part of it - just not where I live or work.
     
  13. Enchantre

    Enchantre A short, pithy statement

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    ah, I can perfectly understand if the clubs themselves were not enjoyable in themselves. Gotcha. Didn't catch that the first time.
     
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  14. lwien

    lwien Well-Known Member

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    When you say, "friends didn't happen", I have to ask you a question but please forgive me if the question or questions seem really basic or possibly condescending because that is not my intent. I'm just trying to find out how you are going about this and what your expectations are so that I may be able to provide a bit of insight.

    When you say, "friends didn't happen", that statement sounds kinda passive. What was it that you did other than just joining the club and going to club gatherings? Did you hang back waiting for people to approach you, or did you make an attempt to approach them?

    You also said, "Working at a DC law firm does not help either. Not gonna meet friends there." My question is..........why not? And I ask this because most friends, and relationships are cultivated at work, with the emphasis on "cultivate".

    Edit: One other thing I gotta add. Being alone and being lonely can be two totally different things, eh, for one can be alone but not lonely and one can not be alone but very lonely.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2014
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  15. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

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    691
    Location:
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    Did all sorts of things- spoke to everyone I could, both about the club topics and other stuff. I'm not exactly shy (sarcastic Jew from New York, former academic and tour head). Got into some political arguments with people. But that happens in the DC area.

    I think the biggest part of the problem is where I live and work. DC is the only place I have ever had a problem making friends. I've made new friends in other parts of the country in the last decade, again just not where I actually live.
     
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  16. lwien

    lwien Well-Known Member

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    LOL. I'm a sarcastic Jew from Los Angeles, so we got a little in common, eh? I also spent a year in DC working at the NSA.

    What is it specifically about DC that makes you believe that you can't make friends there but you can at other places?

    Hell, if you can make friends in New York, you can make friends anywhere. Kinda reminds me of a few lines in New York, New York, eh?
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2014
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  17. lwien

    lwien Well-Known Member

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    Location:
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    I was going to add this to my post above but I think this question deserves it's own post.

    Ya gotta answer this one totally honestly. This one is almost as tough to ask as it is to answer, but here goes. It "can" provide a lot of self-input.

    Why would someone want to be friends with you?

    Edit: Just an aside. I've asked myself this exact same question.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2014
  18. FlyingLow

    FlyingLow Team NO SLEEP!

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    I am a member of several RC clubs as there are few places I can go to fly my giants, and admittedly they are all a bunch of sheep-shaggers and tossers.

    I love to build and fly scale, acrobatics, and FPV- but you gotta go out with the right guys.
    Screw the rules, grab a jar of moonshine, and remember what it should be about;)
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2014
  19. thisperson

    thisperson Ruler of all things person

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    Location:
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    See my stoner buddies and I agreed when we were young that we would chill with one another and smoke bowls for our HS reunion.

    Because of that we keep in touch and every once in a blue moon we hang out again and smoke bowls.

    I suck at making new friends so I'm really glad I have these ones.

    The place where I had no problem making new friends was church, although I wasn't able to smoke with them.
     
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  20. Snappo

    Snappo Caveat Emptor - "A Billion People Can Be Wrong!" Accessory Maker

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    2,160
    Friends are not just about sharing the good times & laughs ...friends are just as much about sharing the really bad times & tears. AT ANY AGE!
     
  21. arf777

    arf777 No longer dogless

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    Location:
    In the Shadow of the Beast
    Well, I cook like a motherfucker and love doing so for people, know all sorts of shit about lots of weird shit, am told I'm a mensch, am generous with my herb, food, time, vapes, and glass, and people say I'm funny.

    Biggest things that seem to be different about DC (and different than DC used to be before I moved away and then came back) are that a) lots of people are very self-centered (I mean that literally, not as a- even more than NY, people here these days are very self-focused); b) those that are not are extremely political and intolerant of any disagreement of any kind; and c) it really feels like the people are the most handicapped-intolerant of any place I lived. The couple of handicapped coworkers I have agree. That seems worse in the last 6 or 7 years.
     
  22. Ansel

    Ansel having a tolerance break.

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    Location:
    an island in the sea.
    i have schizo affective disorder so i am dosed up on emotionally numbing meds, it sucks but the ganja helps take my mind off the meds nasty side effects. i'm single with no kids but very happy.
     
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  23. Snappo

    Snappo Caveat Emptor - "A Billion People Can Be Wrong!" Accessory Maker

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    No more fucking chemical castrating emotional numbing pharma dope for me. I learned my lesson. Never again - all natural, that's it!
     
  24. Ansel

    Ansel having a tolerance break.

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    Location:
    an island in the sea.
    i hear you. but the deal is if i stay on it i get welfare. no brainer for me right now.
     
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  25. Snappo

    Snappo Caveat Emptor - "A Billion People Can Be Wrong!" Accessory Maker

    Messages:
    2,160
    I completely understand. Make that your short-term plan only. Think long term - life time!
     
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