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Joke thread

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by Purple-Days, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. FlyingLow

    FlyingLow Team NO SLEEP!

    Messages:
    3,951
    "The sound of a velcro wallet opening is the opposite of any sex noises"
    -The Great Sandy Danto
     
  2. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

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    Location:
    The Evergreen State
    [​IMG]




    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2020
    TiSteamo, ataxian, Poostuff and 5 others like this.
  3. OldNewbie

    OldNewbie Well-Known Member

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  4. Ramahs

    Ramahs Fucking Combustion (mostly) Since February 2017

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    The Internet
  5. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
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    Location:
    The Evergreen State
    Mannaquinal Adjustments

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Ramahs

    Ramahs Fucking Combustion (mostly) Since February 2017

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    The Internet
  7. Bologna

    Bologna je pense donc je vape

    Messages:
    218
    Location:
    a Boston 'burb
  8. Bologna

    Bologna je pense donc je vape

    Messages:
    218
    Location:
    a Boston 'burb
  9. Relaxed

    Relaxed Active Member

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Sasquatch Lives Next Door
    A blond was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
    Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
    The shop owner saw that she was a blond, so he decided to have some fun.
    He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

    So, the blond went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blow...ing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
    Her blond roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first blond told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.."
     
  10. OldNewbie

    OldNewbie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,730
  11. Ramahs

    Ramahs Fucking Combustion (mostly) Since February 2017

    Messages:
    4,176
    Location:
    The Internet
  12. OldNewbie

    OldNewbie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,730
  13. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    6,255
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  14. OldNewbie

    OldNewbie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,730
  15. OldNewbie

    OldNewbie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,730
  16. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    6,255
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  17. Ramahs

    Ramahs Fucking Combustion (mostly) Since February 2017

    Messages:
    4,176
    Location:
    The Internet
  18. Relaxed

    Relaxed Active Member

    Messages:
    68
    Location:
    Sasquatch Lives Next Door
    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
    'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

    I thought....well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.

    My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'

    I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

    We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

    I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

    He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

    After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

    'OK.' I nervously replied.

    He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

    And I just sat there....


    on the couch....

    naked....
     
  19. abracadaver

    abracadaver Billy was a mountain.

    Messages:
    391
    Hard to follow that one...
    What did the leper say to the prostitute?
    "Keep the tip!"
     
    His_Highness and macbill like this.
  20. Relaxed

    Relaxed Active Member

    Messages:
    68
    Location:
    Sasquatch Lives Next Door

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