1. What does SSTB mean? See our glossary of acronyms.
    Dismiss Notice

Joke thread

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by Purple-Days, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  2. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
  3. His_Highness

    His_Highness In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

    Messages:
    2,337
    A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

    The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

    "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 -- but then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

    The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. The officer said, "It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

    The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

    "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
     
  4. Bologna

    Bologna je pense donc je vape

    Messages:
    215
    Location:
    a Boston 'burb
  5. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  6. GreenHopper

    GreenHopper 20 going on 60

    Messages:
    1,803
    Dogs on a coffee break.

    Dog 1: "Heard a great joke"

    Dog 2: "oh yeah?"

    Dog 1: "knock kn-"

    Dog 2 goes fucking nuts....
     
  7. unsorted

    unsorted Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    234
    Location:
    Off Center
    Damn! Now even Dog 2 can't take a fucking joke....
     
    GreenHopper, Summer, macbill and 2 others like this.
  8. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Jesus
    Jesus who?
    Oh stop screwing around Judas, you'll be the death of me.

    =======================================================

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
  9. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  10. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  11. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
  12. DDave

    DDave Vape Wizard Accessory Maker

    Messages:
    4,057
    Location:
    Judge the Vaper by the Vapor
    The Skateboard

    Three men die and go to Heaven
    They meet Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, who greets them and says "So Heaven is a vastly large place for everyone to spend the rest of eternity, and God has decided to grant vehicles to everyone upon admission, and he asks only one question, the answer to which determines what vehicle you are granted."

    So St Peter goes up to the first guy and asks "How many years have you been married and how faithful was your marriage?" The first guy responds "I've been married 20 years and cheated on my wife 4 times." A rusted Geo Metro appears suddenly, St Peter gives the guy a nod, so the man gets in and scoots on through the gates.

    St Peter goes up to the 2nd man and asks "How many years have you been married and how faithful was your marriage?" The 2nd man says "I've been married 40 years, and only cheated on my wife one time, but I admitted it to her and she forgave me" A Chrysler minivan suddenly appears, and the 2nd man gets in and drives through the gates.

    St Peter approaches the 3rd man and asks "How many years have you been married and how faithful was your marriage?" The 3rd man lifts his head up high and boasts "I've been married 60 years and never even looked at another woman!" A mint condition Ferrari 458 appears, the 3rd man happily jumps in and speeds through the gates.


    Later the first two men see the third man sitting on the ground next to his Ferrari, weeping with his head in his hands. They ask him "what's wrong?" The third man looks up and says "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!"
     
  13. Abysmal Vapor

    Abysmal Vapor Shaman of The Pyramid of Orlin'Malah

    Messages:
    3,573
    Location:
    7th heaven - 666th pit (EU)
    :D I actually came up with this one myself,lol...
    Weeed is the best cure for workaholism.
    A true stone age remedy.
     
  14. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  15. Nooky72

    Nooky72 Dog Marley

    Messages:
    1,595
    Location:
    Dagobah System
  16. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Click to play YouTube Video
     
  17. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
  18. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    [​IMG]

    *Forgive me if you guys saw this before 'cause I don't know if I saved it from FC or not.
     
  19. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
  20. Nooky72

    Nooky72 Dog Marley

    Messages:
    1,595
    Location:
    Dagobah System
  21. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
  22. macbill

    macbill Gregarious Misanthrope

    Messages:
    4,161
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
  23. His_Highness

    His_Highness In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

    Messages:
    2,337
    What do you call it when a lizard can't get it up? Reptile Dysfunction.
     
  24. GreenHopper

    GreenHopper 20 going on 60

    Messages:
    1,803
    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

    The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

    Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

    Then I asked my wife for help.
    She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

    We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

    The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

    The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
     
    Madri-Gal, Summer, Nooky72 and 6 others like this.
  25. Summer

    Summer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,546
    Location:
    Long Island, NY

Support FC, visit our trusted friends and sponsors