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In a war, who wins between Oompa Loompas and Ewoks?

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by 2 Cycle, Sep 8, 2018.

?

Who wins in a fight?

  1. Oompa Loompas

    28.6%
  2. Ewoks

    57.1%
  3. I like turtles

    14.3%
  1. 2 Cycle

    2 Cycle Well-Known Member

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    This is a fight to the death! Even number fight between rival tribes. Weapons are hand weapons and /or hand to hand combat. Both of these things have their strengths. Ewoks may have more combat experience but are easy to trick. Oompa Loompas might take this, they are tough. What do you think?
     
  2. arb

    arb Well-Known Member

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    Turtles for the win.
     
  3. nosmoking

    nosmoking Fogmonger

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    Have the Oompa Loompas been trained to fight? Ewoks would be battle ready so I am going for the Ewoks but if you train the Oompas I would bank on them. Both are essentially just another form of minion right? Are the troop sizes equal? I feel like there are a lot more Oompa Loompas out there then Ewoks.
     
  4. pxl_jockey

    pxl_jockey Barely-Known Member

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    My money is on the Oompa Loompas. They’re so jacked up on sugar and every one of them have a chip on their shoulder because they’re vertically challenged. I also believe they run 45’s tanning salon.

    However, I have always been fond of turtles. So there’s that.

    @2 Cycle You really know how to ask the questions that show us who we really are.
     
  5. 2 Cycle

    2 Cycle Well-Known Member

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    Pxl, some great points. I think that tactically, the Ewoks pose a real threat. They like to set traps and poke people with spears. However, I am willing to bet the Oompa Loompas would swarm all over their enemies with a fury. They would gouge eyes and bite savagely, perhaps even rip noses off faces. Years of living and working in that factory clearly impacted their sanity. Imagine being swarmed by them and hearing that singing :::cringes:::.
     
  6. Ramahs

    Ramahs Fucking Combustion (mostly) Since February 2017

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    Ewoks have pokey sticks, sure...but that's all they have. Also, I heard that they are all Care Bears who'd sold their magic powers for hard-drugs.
    Oompa Loompas on the other hand have access to, and know how to use, technology.

    I'm fairly confident that the Oompa Loompas would probably just vaporize (or simply shrink to microscopic size) any threatening Ewoks from a safe distance.
     
  7. GreenHopper

    GreenHopper 20 going on 60

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    All good points, but if those Ewoks were on a limited supply of crack cocain for example then that could change things. Those Ewoks would be more like wild rabid hyenas frothing at the mouth. For starters minor injury wouldn't even slow them down.

    Now if you were gonna vaporise an Ewok, what vaporiser would you use? I think the flowerpot would do the trick.
     
  8. pxl_jockey

    pxl_jockey Barely-Known Member

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    Like so many of us, I’ve been haunted by this hypothetical since our dearest @2 Cycle posed it. It can’t be forgotten or easily dismissed because these races have both been woven into the fabric of the Human Experience and have made an indelible impact on our world. I’m still of many minds on this hot-button subject and haven’t found a definitive answer; indeed, it seems I’ll wrestle with it for the rest of my days.

    For me, this is THE BIG QUESTION of the week! There are simply no bigger issues that could have even more bigly consequences for America and impact on the global community. I really wish that there was voting thingy deal that everyone can say what they think and where they stand on the Ewok/Oompa-Loompa Death Battle Royale scenario that’s been on everyone’s minds since September 9, 2018.
     
  9. invertedisdead

    invertedisdead FC-OG

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    Are the loompa's being overseen by a fellow oompa, or is Gene Wilder calling the shots?

    Cause Wonka Man is totally crazy, dude has a chocolate river.
     
  10. ginolicious

    ginolicious Well-Known Member

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    Ewok. They are vicious. Look cuddly but damn will rip your head off. Like a coaloa bear.
     
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  11. crawdad

    crawdad floatin

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    ewoks evolved on a moon and could hunt and defend themselves, and helped the rebels beat the galactic empire invasion. loompas sang, danced, and took orders from an eccentric and lonely candy man using nothing but a whistle...come on.
     
  12. duff

    duff The world is so small, 'til it ain't

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    Nobody wins in war.
     
  13. His_Highness

    His_Highness In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

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    According to Wiki....(it's on the interweb so it must be true)....

    "Ewoks are a carnivorous race that considers humanoid flesh a delicacy".

    I would classify the Loompas as humanoid. The only question left is what time is the BBQ?
     
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  14. Madri-Gal

    Madri-Gal Child Of The Revolution

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    I think that when you take into account that the Oompa-loompas are wearing what at first appears to be green hair, but are in fact fairly solid and durable helmets, and what looks like white lederhosen are body armour, you realize the Oompa-loompas are actually battle ready. The bizarre and irritating songs are coded communication, so the well dressed, eccentric, yet cruel, factory owner (oh come on, he sucks children up pneumatic tubes, turns them blue and blows them up, shrinks them, etc In The Sight Of Their Parents! He never met children before? Didn't he know they ate more candy than they should, over watched television, demanded what they wanted NOW!? Especially when over exposed to sugar? Of course he did!) won't understand they are planning rebellion.
    Oompa-Loompas know every inch of that factory, do all of the work, and if how quickly they removed errant children is any indication, they wouldn't have any trouble removing the Psycho-dandy running the place, and his replacement, the underfed and gassy Charlie . Rebellion was coming , and the mistake is to underestimate the cunning and stealthy Oompa-Loompa.
    Fight Ewoks? Please. They were used to Whangdoodles, Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers as natural enemies. They didn't survive by waiting for a weird guy wearing velvet to save them.
    Oh, and cocoa beans aren't their favorite food. It's Ewok.
     
  15. invertedisdead

    invertedisdead FC-OG

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids!!
     
  16. Madri-Gal

    Madri-Gal Child Of The Revolution

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    Please, Ewoks have sticks and rocks. Which would you bet on as a weapon, an Everlasting Gobstopper, or a same sized rock? Tie a chain around it, and an Everlasting Gobstopper is a pretty effective mace. Wonka was a chocolatier, he didn't create the technology. It was the multitalented Oompa Loompa who built the Great Glass Elevator. And it can go into space . That, my friends, is a rocket, and where there is a rocket, there are bombs. There are soda powered cars/tanks. Ewoks think a robot is a god, how are they going to react to a giant tank car that spews bubbles everywhere? That is a weapon of terror. They have access to chemicals to inflate and change the color of the enemy. That would quickly debilitate an advancing army. What would they do then? Roll? If they can put the chemical that changes color, size and shape into a gum, what's to stop them from putting it in the enemies water supply? Or aerosolizing it and spraying it over the enemy?
    Fizzy lifting drinks, for children. Really? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen. It's for paratroopers. No need for planes. Send 'em up and burp 'am down.
    And geese that lay Golden Eggs. That's financing for weapons development and technology. Yes, the sort of technology that allows a soldier to be sent over the airwaves into people's homes . They can hop out on their own, Mike TV showed that. That technology wasn't developed to send candy bars. What would that cost, sending a giant candy bar to have it shrink into standard candy bar size ? Not even King size, but regular. There you are, sitting at home, watching t.v., when the program stops, and your living room is over run by mini Oompa Loompas attacking you at the ankles with Everlasting Gobstopper on chains. Worse yet, they could come in at night while you are sleeping, slip the blueberry growth additive into your food. Bad enough with the puny 17 inch t.v.s of yore, they wouldn't even be that small coming out of a 54" inch job. And what about the trained Army Of Squirrels (book and second movie)? You send them through a T.V., and they wouldn't have to shrink, they Might Even Be Bigger. How would an Ewok deal with Jumbo Squirrels trained for combat? Obviously the Oompa Loompa would have to bring a screen to battle, but they could ride it around in the Soda Car/Tank, and import an entire second army of Battle Ready Squirrels for support.
    It's about technology. My only question is, were they planning to rebel, or was Wonka a demented general bringing in children to test the weapons technology on? As this is a battle between Oompa Loompa vs. Ewoks, I'm setting Wonka aside for now, or else we have to bring in C3PO, et al. It has to be invading Endor or a specific set up for a death match, because if you got Ewoks in the Chocolate Factory it would be a Death Trap.
    I'm putting my money on the Oompa Loompa.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
  17. 2 Cycle

    2 Cycle Well-Known Member

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    I just remembered that guy who played Willow also played the lead Ewok. I think he was the Ewok who grabbed Leia's butt in a story my buddy created. If Willow was one of the Ewoks, then they would have a nasty little leader who knows a thing or two about wizardry and stuff like that. That guy is shifty, nearly impossible to snare
     
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  18. Madri-Gal

    Madri-Gal Child Of The Revolution

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    Why would Warwick Davis being Willow in an entirely different movie have anything to do with him being an Ewok? It's about Ewoks and Oompa Loompas. Willow wasn't an Ewok, ever. Warwick Davis didn't even play Willow until 5 years after he played an Ewok.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
  19. 2 Cycle

    2 Cycle Well-Known Member

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    626
    It has everyone to do with it, don't you see? It shows that he has advanced training. Training that could turn the fight around. Guy is a living weapon, don't underestimate him. His Ewok persona clearly exhibits the same traits. I could see the final battle being wonka and this badass Ewok
     
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  20. Madri-Gal

    Madri-Gal Child Of The Revolution

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    The actor isn't an Ewok. I don't see his persona as an Ewok exhibiting advanced training as it didn't happen, or why the Ewok character gets to borrow from a Later Character the actor plays. If you have to resort to that sort of thing, then it's clear the Ewoks can't win fairly against the Oompa Loompa. The heading clearly says Between Oompa Loompas and Ewoks. It doesn't say, A war between whatever character Warwick Davis might ever play, and whatever else gets thrown in arbitrarily because the Ewoks are losing vs. the Oompa Loompa.
    Wonka also isn't an Oompa Loompa, thus can't be in the fight.
    If you want a fight between Willow and Oompa Loompas, that should be the stated fight.
     
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  21. Ramahs

    Ramahs Fucking Combustion (mostly) Since February 2017

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    I donh't think that the Oompa Loompas have the ability or the technology to just separate themselves from Wonka's hive-mind.
    Don't have any misconceptions as the OL's hordes surround and destroy the Ewok army, that the big man is not controlling every one of those poor bastards.

    There is no way that the Ewoks would be prepared for that level of lethal organization and almost perfect synchronicity of movement.
    Willy is one hell of a strategist.
     
  22. Madri-Gal

    Madri-Gal Child Of The Revolution

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    I wondered about that. At first I thought rebellion, but it's not as if Wonka didn't know about the goings on in his factory. Starting to think candy factory has become a front for weapons development. Wonka wouldn't even let local workers in for fear of "secrets" being stolen. Every other candy manufacturer manages well enough, and really, who needs candy THAT complicated? Just coat it in sugar, and kids will eat it. The kids were brought in for testing. You want to retire, you sell the place. You want to leave your factory to someone, you have kids. You don't round up 5 randomly selected children and determine who's the least horrible, then pick that child to take over. Charlie was selected because his adult was determined to be the least likely to fight, being old and frail. The point was weapons testing, and to end up with a kid in that elevator ( most other reasons are to creepy to contemplate).
    I agree Wonka is a master manipulator. Just look at his entrance.
    And Oompa Loompas are the perfect army for Wonka.
     
  23. 2 Cycle

    2 Cycle Well-Known Member

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    Madri, you certainly bring up some good points. How do you think Grampa Joe Bucket fits into this whole war?
     
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  24. Silver420Surfer

    Silver420Surfer Well-Known Member

    Best post on here in years hands down, no questions.

    . I haven't laughed so hard in quite a long time.:clap::tup:
     
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  25. Madri-Gal

    Madri-Gal Child Of The Revolution

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    Grandpa Joe helped get Charlie through the door. He's no warrior. He hung out in bed for 20 years with three other old people (!), letting his impoverished daughter wait on him when she wasn't doing other people's laundry. He's over 90, yet despite being bedridden for 20 years, he can spring from his sick bed to sing and dance when good fortune falls upon the house, and he can get dressed and tour Wonkas factory, so there is a bit of spry left in the guy, but this doesn't make him a warrior. When you first look at his scheming , you might be misled into thinking he could strategize, but he just instigates, irritates, and almost costs Charlie the factory. He wouldn't make a good spy, as he says to Charlie With Wonka In The Room, that they would give a Gobstopper to Slugworth. At the very least, he's a horrible, ungrateful guest, but the guy is ancient, so we could put this all down to senility. This doesn't mean gramps is off the hook, just that he needs to get back in bed, and out of the way. He's shown what he's made of, and if he doesn't step out of the way, his best use might be as a body shield for Charlie. While I do think the Oompa Loompa would win against the Ewoks, and I haven't heard anything to convince me otherwise, they could easily take out Grandpa Joe.
    Good, bad or demented, Joe is an old man needing care. He has no place in a war. I will say, it sure looks like he became a father at a very advanced age. This is especially impressive as his wife looks almost as old as he is. Charlie's mother looks tired, but not old, so it doesn't look as if she had Charlie at an advanced age. This won't help anyone, but it could indicate Gramps has some fizz and surprises, and it might come in handy fighting the other set of Grandparents over cabbage water.
     
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