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Dear Dorkus.......................

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by dorkus_molorkus, Sep 29, 2012.

  1. dorkus_molorkus

    dorkus_molorkus My member is well known

    Messages:
    1,100
    Location:
    Allens Snackbar

    Meh, You are just another self enamoured chronic masturbater

    what? you got callus's?
    youre ripping the skin off it?
    You are whacking off in private right? and not in front of the store window of macys where the nativity scene is located?
    I fail to see what the problem is??


    'stop it, you will go blind.' said my mum.
    'Fair enough, cant I just do it till I need glasses?'

    As for the looking at yourself all the time.
    Youve heard of the saying 'a face only a mother could love??'
    you wish jelly fish!
    Man, you got a head like a dropped sloppy-joe.

    So, have at it my good man while at least you find yourself attractive
    Get your self a watermelon and have a poke at that.:tup:

    No wonder you are always looking at yourself in the mirror,
    picking out the cookie dough I expect.
    Hows the job going at the biscuit factory being the gorilla biscuit mold?
    Steady work I hear, the special bus drops you off and picks you up each day, and the biscuit factory gets a nice tax break for hiring a retarded degenerate inbred who cant keep his hand off his knob while stamping his face into cookie dough 8 hours a day.

    winners all round I say.:tup:

    But if you are really concerned,

    Poke your eyes out with a sharpened dessert spoon, or chop your hands off.
    up to you
    problem solved.

    NEXT!
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2013
  2. grokit

    grokit power cosmic

    Messages:
    3,380
    Location:
    the north
    You ruined it Dorkus!
    In my mind's eye, @Quetzalcoatl was a hot babe.
    :whoa:
  3. fluffhead

    fluffhead Recovering Idealist

    Messages:
    291
    Dear @dorkus_molorkus,

    As per this post, you are bored right now. My question is this, what can we fc members do to help cure your boredom? I'm certain that you have helped others cure hours of boredom, and I think it is only fair that we return the favour.

    Regards,
    Fluff

    PS. STFU is doing great. He has no problems feeding, but he does think you've been delinquent in your godfatherhood. As for your offer to help breastfeed, we'll take it. It will be your job to feed him any time between 12-8am. If you can do this while remaining on Aussie time, that would be ideal for both you and him. Thanks!
  4. dorkus_molorkus

    dorkus_molorkus My member is well known

    Messages:
    1,100
    Location:
    Allens Snackbar
    wow your concern is very touching. especially after that drunken episode with your wife and the emu on your last visit, before shutty was born.

    Your missus can really drink huh? The way she was throwing them down while six months pregnant was epic dude! I spose its too early to tell if shuttys a retard yet?
    I wouldnt worry too much, if your wifes binge drinking didnt do it, then your less than adequate genes will make it a certainty. :tup:

    It turns out life in the Nunnery is a bit boring. I thought that it would be all orgies and gay times racing the disabled down the side of the mountain in shopping carts.

    Sure it was all of that and more for the 1st two weeks or so. But we quickly ran out of disabled kids as the mountain is rather perilous and most didnt make it the first run.
    Turns out I also gave all the nuns the clap as well :clap: ( thats according to 'whatsthatdischarge.com') and now I am not too popular with them either.

    Father Oleary has gone to source some more orphans for our Gucci knockoff sweatshop.
    There has been some staffing issues ever since Father Oleary beat 3 of them to death recently.
    Sure, to be truthful, he only crippled them. But the steepness of the mountain and the velocity of the shopping cart in a racing scenario is a fatal mixture apparently.
    He takes this role very seriously. He says that if he cant find any orphans, then God willing, he will create some.

    Caring for the homeless is not all its cracked up to be either. The convent rents them a fridge sized cardboard box for only 60hrs a week making Gucci handbags & they also get food for an additional 20 hrs per week.

    Fuck me, do these fuckers whinge! 'My cardboard box leaks when it rains',
    'my racing derby stew tastes like Timmy the retarded kid.'
    where does it all fucking end?

    So to answer your question.
    While I am off doing Gods work in the convent, the odd little message in this thread is helpful. Especially if you are detailing whatever pathetic tragedy has plowed its way into the drive thru window that is your life. I find the sadder and more pathetic the tale, the more I am comforted by taking the absolute piss out of you for my own amusement.

    So much love to you all. I gotta go and turn on the CCTV in the confession booth. Its amazing what people will pay to be free of sin.:clap:
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2014
  5. Campers Crumpet

    Campers Crumpet What has been seen can not be unseen :|

    Messages:
    85
    Location:
    Northern NSW, Australia
    Dear Aunty Dorkus,
    I'm going to use a pseudonym just in case the aliens that have laid eggs in my left eye also have got spy dust on my fan. My name is Mhicah Litorus.
    I've had several things going on lately, I'm finding more and more each day I'm fighting the urge to lick my pet bird. But last Wednesday I answered the phone to a man trying sell me a new mobile phone, now I think I'm pregnant with an Indian baby. Then when I was watching some footage of the ladyboys in Thailand, I suddenly felt the urge to to get a race change, I'm so over being white I want some color in my cheeks.
    After trying to go on a short holiday, I really need some me time. I got on the wrong bus and am somewhere out west without my medication, any cash or phone. But I've been getting by on drinking from puddles and raiding bins.
    Someone stole one of my shoes and all my clothes fell off in a dream and I was concreted to the ground in a glass house with everyone pointing and laughing.
    When I left home, I think I left the iron on and the house unlocked and the animals locked safely in my car.
    I was filling out some papers at the doctor because I went swimming last week and in my swimming class was a lady covered in crusty back scabs, well one floated off and I accidentally ate it. So I thought I should get my thyroid function checked in case she was going through menopause.
    Can you please help me, My problem being that I can't find my glasses did I leave them at your house ?
  6. dorkus_molorkus

    dorkus_molorkus My member is well known

    Messages:
    1,100
    Location:
    Allens Snackbar
    OMG- you are a car crash woman. I will try to address as many of your issues as I can, but I am no longer a young man & your ' issues' are many.

    I've had several things going on lately, I'm finding more and more each day I'm fighting the urge to lick my pet bird.

    You dont have a pet bird, the only pet you own is a peruvian blue insanity toad. As for fighting the urge to lick it, well thats sort of negated when you use it to play Richard Gere & the lonely gerbil with my sublimator tube as a sexual aid.

    But it does explain the inane and nonsensical ravings you engaged in above.

    (and some of those farts that smell like death.)
    You do know you are not supposed to let it die up there?

    last Wednesday I answered the phone to a man trying sell me a new mobile phone, now I think I'm pregnant with an Indian baby.

    thats just fucken racist & ignorant shit right there.

    How the fuck are you pregnant with an Indian baby just from talking to him on the phone?

    He was from Bangladesh, therefore you are pregnant with a Bangladeshi baby or ' a banger' I think is the correct term.

    Congratulations!:clap:
    Nike are offering a bag of rice & an egg. Apple are offering a 2010 ipod & Reebok are offering a pair of Nikes, just as soon as he is old enough to make them.:tup:

    Then when I was watching some footage of the ladyboys in Thailand, I suddenly felt the urge to to get a race change, I'm so over being white I want some color in my cheeks.

    WTF?? you are white? are you fucken sure??

    [​IMG]


    Did you know that your heart is located directly under your left boob?
    Wait.......... your heart is in your knee? wow.

    But I can see how you would desire a change. Have you considered any of the asian nationalities?

    You could become a prostitute in Patpong and call your self 'Gobble De-gook'



    I got on the wrong bus and am somewhere out west without my medication, any cash or phone. But I've been getting by on drinking from puddles and raiding bins.


    thats you?? FFS woman, if you want to keep foraging for the crust offa my toast, I suggest you clean up the mess you make. Or just like a raccon, I will set the dogs on you.

    FYI- dont drink outta the puddles. I like to pee outside.:rockon:


    Someone stole one of my shoes and all my clothes fell off in a dream and I was concreted to the ground in a glass house with everyone pointing and laughing.


    so, youve started wearing shoes now? Good on you.:tup: As for everyone laughing at you, I suspect its either the beard or the sublimator tube with the dead toad hanging outta your ass?


    I was filling out some papers at the doctor because I went swimming last week and in my swimming class was a lady covered in crusty back scabs, well one floated off and I accidentally ate it.

    wow, lucky you, I havent had a 'pool truffle' in years. Is she there all the time? does she have a boyfriend? Do you think she would mind if I had a go too?


    Can you please help me,

    No, its too late for you I fear.


    My problem being that I can't find my glasses did I leave them at your house ?

    Yes, but I do admire the lengths in which you looked for them.

    [​IMG]

    I thought the dog had them.

    [​IMG]



    But then I remembered I gave them to Raoul the burro so he would appear more attractive to father Oleary. (he has a thing for asses in glasses)


    [​IMG]

    So, to answer your main question.

    Yes, about 11:30.
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2014

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