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A new life.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deja Vu, Jul 10, 2014.

  1. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    I have a very positive Before & After to share, and I owe it all to a 2 year break from all recreational usage of substances, a healthier lifestyle and eating habits, and a positive mental attitude towards life's challenges. This whole thing is typed up very.. well.. Not the most flowing piece of text you will ever read. It is a difficult subjkect for me to explain but I will get it out as best I can, because it is the ending that matters and not so much the past. Please do not judge me. The focus here is on how we can change how we act if we care for ourselves and rreat ourselves kindly and with respect.

    Before: Upon turning 16 and enjoying the freedom of alcohol for a few months, I eventually fell into a state of depression after a miserable breakup. I blame my poor reaction to this breakup on childhood issues, blah blah.. Everyone has their reasons, but regardless; we all take things harder than we should sometimes and are too hard on ourselves. I spiraled into a depressive state where I isolated myself and became a full blown drug addict. Meth & low-grade speed smoked with a crackpipe (sometimes mixed with low-quality heroin), acid tabs atleast once a month and often pure drops of LSD from a vial, cooked my own mescaline from the Peruvian Devil and San Pedro cactus plants stolen from people's backyards, mushrooms whenever they were in season, inhalants such as lighter fluid and nitrous (Nangs) whenever I could get my hands on them.. Also DXM (Robotussin cough syrup) for recreational abuse as a dissociative psychedelic type trip. Smoked obscene amounts of weed. When I could get my hands on it, I would smoke constantly without break. I would sometimes not eat just to smoke more weed, and would go days on end with no food and only alcohol, blunts and other drugs.

    It didn't just happen overnight, but slowly it took over and consumed every aspect of my life. I slept from couch to couch, staying at friends houses for weeks on end destroying myself with substance abuse. This is something that I am ashamed to put into words, but I also committed atrocious crimes to feed my addictions.
    I would go up to 6 days with no sleep, consuming drugs day and night and robbing cars, breaking into people's houses while they slept and stealing items as large as couches and televisions to sell for miniscule amounts of meth.
    Stole from friends, family.. I once withdrew money from my own mother's bank account to buy weed.

    I am in tears writing my memory of the 5 years that I spent in the depths of a binge, but the reality of it for those that would have been on the receiving end of my selfish acts, and those that witnessed the things I was too drug-fucked to even remember; the reality is much worse than what I described here.

    As terrible as all of this sounds, the suffering that I felt, multiple and brutal suicide attempts where I was left with ligaments hanging out of my forearm.. This pain I felt inside was the worst. Nothing I did seemed out of place or 'too far' when I felt that much hate for myself. I hated who I was ashamed of who I was, I had abysmal self-esteem, I would torture myself mentally over every aspect of who I was. I essentially felt no love. I searched for it and I only ended up breaking my own heart repeatedly and setting myself up for failure.
    I lived off nothing. I received $400 a fortnight from Government assistance and would spend every cent of it on drugs as soon as it was in my bank account. I'd wait at the ATM until 6:00AM waiting for it to go into my account, and then I would drown myself in a multitude of hard drugs, pills and bong after bong after bong until I was unconscious. Oh and not to mention I was a 2 pack-a-day chain smoker.



    I have now been clean for 2 years, and finally after all this time I have had a successful drug experience where I showed self control, self-respect and overwhelming positive mental efforts. I have smoked a few times now with a friend, just joints here and there, but every single time it has enhanced my life in a way that I never knew drugs could do. I had to first separate myself from the mental idea that I had created that drugs are strictly for getting fucked up and escaping life. This is not the case. I can now say that MJ is a friend and not a temptress or addiction. It does not torment me, it is simply makeup on a beautiful girl. It accentuates and enhances what is already there in a natural way. I live an organic life now, I am in a loving relationship and I have a gorgeous little daughter. I am finally in control, financially stable, happy with who I am, loved and on a good path!
    and I am not dependent on anything to satisfy me. That was my initial mistake that led me down a dark path.


    It only goes uphill from here.
    Here is my little daughter as well, the highlight of the story. Her name is Emilie Luna



    [​IMG]


    Peace out guys, thanks for answering all my questions about vaporizers over the last few months and giving great advice and insight into the world of using MJ appropriately, responsibly and therapeutically!
     
  2. Seren

    Seren Away with the fairies

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    Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you've found your way and some inner peace. Two years clean is a milestone you should be really very proud of - I'm sure your family are immensely proud of you too. As you say, it's onwards and upwards from here! I wish you all the best on your journey.

    :peace:
     
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  3. Vicki

    Vicki The Bionic Woman

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    I agree with Seren, nice job! Your daughter is beautiful too! :nod:
     
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  4. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Thank you so much, and yes she is :) If she could say thank you i'm sure she would!
     
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  5. Abysmal Vapor

    Abysmal Vapor Shaman of The Pyramid of Orlin'Malah

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    :) Drugs are not for everyone ,glad you come over your problem ! I've done numerous tabs of Acid bout 200+ and about 50 times from the dropper.. Had periods of eating shrooms more than once a month , Had 10 ayahuasca trips and did a whole lot of DMT crystals on a crack pipe.. Touched meth only twice, amphetamines and ketamine once each and will never again, benzos - never , alcohol 3 years (worst time in my life althoug was kind of stupid fun, no damage done),Also i often at least once a week trip on home grown salvia.. Once ate 40 fresh leaves and experienced strongest trip in my life.. Had a lot of fun with 2c-family and 4-aco-dmt but was always scared of overdosing so i stay away from such sharp blades.. :) Never stole a car or money.. just some weed from someones backyard once.. :D Have two university degrees which are fucked cause of my pot offence.. looool... but anyway... Always have good times with chicks often ended in dramas but life is more fun that way.. Drugs for sure enchance feelings in life and make you re-create , but you just have to stay away from the dark side..
    Stick to nature and tiny chemical wonder :D .. Don't go messing with pills, heroin and pharmacy puke-a-rama.. Stay away from stuff made in garages mixed with battery acid.. and you will be fine.. Stopping caring is what ruins our lifes , and sadly most of the bad drugs can make you forget where you are and where you have been :).
    I have most fun with ETNOBOTANICalS ,they are cheap ,affordable and aways am becoming THE GOOD GUY in the end.. so i no longer worry and accept how things are.. also don't leave an empty void of need inside your soul.. !
     
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  6. RUDE BOY

    RUDE BOY Space is the Place

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    :tup::tup: As a former drunk and Junkie (Garbage Head) i say GOOD DEAL @Deja Vu, keep it up.

    I pretty much stayed loaded for 25 years or so and pissed away way too much for one lifetime, Had to give up even MJ for a few years in order to get my head back half right.

    No more Drugs or Alcohol for this guy, Lord willing !

    :peace:
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2014
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  7. lwien

    lwien Well-Known Member

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    Happy to hear that ya made it to the other side, DV.
     
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  8. caliwisp

    caliwisp Cali Dreamin'

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    What a wonderful story; thanks so much for sharing. Folks can really heal, at any age or stage, I believe. Especially with love and support. And we do cheer and support you!!

    I have been reading a lot lately about cannabis as an "exit drug" and bet a lot of people will find that despite its poor press in the past it can be a friend instead of an enemy, even for a person who tends to overdo things.

    Yes it can be used to go blotto and block out the thoughts and feelings we don't want to acknowledge, but it can also hold up a mirror and help us to see those more clearly and ultimately come to terms with them.

    I think it can be a friend in healing our (U.S.) culture as well, one that is extremely adolescent and self-centered and fixated on escapism (thus SO much alcohol and drug use gone mad). Recently read a great book, "Marijuana is Safer: So Why Are We Driving People to Drink?" Made me think about these issues a lot.

    http://www.amazon.com/Marijuana-Safer-Driving-People-Edition/dp/1603585109
     
  9. CarolKing

    CarolKing Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur

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    Daja Vu I am proud of you for facing your problems and getting well. Sounds to me you have a lot to live for. So sorry you had to go through something like that. You are a testimonial to others that there is light at the end of a dark tunnel.

    I had tears reading through your story. You have a beautiful daughter. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you health, peace of mind and happiness.
     
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  10. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Those comments were lovely, thanks everyone. and thanks for sharing as well AbysmalVapor, it means a lot.
     
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  11. herbivore21

    herbivore21 Well-Known Member

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    Glad to hear you're able to enjoy the herb without going overboard my friend :)

    I too have had poly-substance issues since 11-12 years of age (nary a drug I haven't tried, up to and including obscure research chemicals), with various clinically diagnosed mental illnesses from that age. I somehow managed to be very successful in spite of this, but it was bad news for my body and mind. These days, I use the herb only, without tobacco of any kind. I am back on not smoking and only vaping now too! :) Feeling so much better for it!

    Also with regard to the depression, shatter has been an absolute game changer for me man. Give it a try sometime! The best part is that it can only really be vaped, so all the better for your body :)

    I have had 16 years of a chronic depressive disorder, as well as an eating disorder for a large part of that time. Both are in remission, thanks to shatter.

    I find it ironic that so many of us manage to abuse cannabis to the point that it is debilitating to our health, especially when it has so much potential to be beneficial for a variety of needs. Still, I managed to do it myself, so it happens!

    Keep up the good work mate, you're family will thank you for it :)
     
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  12. samantabha

    samantabha climbing the mountain of the mind Company Rep

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    Wow, Deja Vu, you speak my own mind. Your writing of your experience in drowning your feelings with drugs was so expressive and real. I didn't try any kind of intoxicant until I was in my twenties, and I never became addicted to anything, but your description of hating and hurting yourself went straight to my heart. I could so totally relate. You have an incredible amount of courage and strength to go through what you did, to continue to feel, on a very deep level, to face your conscience. It makes me feel better about myself; I don't feel so alone.
    Your speaking of using MJ as an organic enhancement rather than an addictive dependency is fascinating to me. It corresponds very closely to something I've been spending a lot of time thinking about too. With the advent of legalization in several states here in the U.S., it's occurred to me that the demand for a tastefully high experience is something that is going to continue to rise and probably by a huge factor. We already have a foodie phenomenon in this country and we love everything body. What happens when we add the multivariable sensory and mental joys/flavors/textures of MJ to it? Exercise + MJ, meditation + MJ, gourmet food + MJ, travel, music, themed social events.. find all the ways to enhance and appreciate, rather than blindly consume and waste. I really do think that we could create for ourselves a beautiful life if we build it right. Loving ourselves means enjoying ourselves (not at the expense of others). Not getting rid of ourselves, but being truly present and exploring full the amazing world we live in.
    ......did I also tell you yet that you have a beautiful daughter?
     
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  13. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Thanks @samantabha , I love her so much haha. And yes you are definately not alone when it comes to infinitely inward feelings of low-self worth. We all go there from time to time, some of us more than others and with more frequency, but we all know that feeling. It's important to remember now that you are aware of it being a considerable normal thing to happen in our lives, that we are amazing an there is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you are on the up & up in regards to your hurting. We are all here for you :) and you are always welcome to message me just to chat!


    @herbivore21 Thanks dude! It's good to be using things in moderation and with respect as opposed to getting messed up on research chems.. haha. I've been there too and it's some whack shit once you get onto 'fake acid' and strange drugs like K2 and legal highs.
     
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  14. herbivore21

    herbivore21 Well-Known Member

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    Oops should clarify I was talking stuff like 2cc/2ce/2cb/mxe various other analogues/isomers. Real serious stuff that is not legal, just obscure lol.

    Still, man so many of those 'legal highs' are much worse than the illegal ones. that kronic stuff or however it was misspelled gave me the only cannabinoid high that ever made me paranoid and uncomfortable, also gave me serious anxiety symptoms and even extrapyramidal side-effects (look them up)! Scary stuff. I only smoked like 2 joints of it mixed 50/50 with tobacco too!

    Good to have those days behind both of us my friend :)
     
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  15. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Absolutely. No regrets that my journey took me to those strange states of consciousness, but very thankful to be in the clear now and have developed the mental skills to avoid being susceptible to the allure of that junk.

    [​IMG]
     
  16. SlinginPaint

    SlinginPaint As Above ∞ So Below

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    Thank you for sharing your path, I am so glad to hear your perspective has evolved and your heart has grown. Glad you are still with us Deja! Your daughter is blessed to have someone like you!
     
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  17. SoulCaptivesAreFree

    SoulCaptivesAreFree Hazemaniac

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    well done on turning it around dejavu!

    reading this thread was strange for me, like a dejavu :D we share a lot despite living completely seperate lifes: my daughter has a very similar name, i have a lot of experience with psychedelics of all kinds, stopped smoking, eat vegan, trying to express myself through painting...

    sending you positive vibrations for your journey! you're not alone :)
     
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  18. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Beautiful replies, and especially nice to read yours @SoulCaptivesAreFree . Always refreshing to speak to another vegan artist! Rock on!
     
  19. samantabha

    samantabha climbing the mountain of the mind Company Rep

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    Love it! Vegans and Artists and Psychedelics Oh My! I'm right where I should be then. What a happy chance....:)
    It's nice to see all the positive responses to your post, Deja Vu. I wanted to tell you, too, that I very much appreciate your heartfelt sympathy. I'm much better now. But I've gone through so many intense periods of depression, self-hate, anxiety. I just wrote a long post in the welcome thread (Vapor Lounge) explaining a little of my history and spiritual orientation + photo. It speaks of joy but to keep that emphasis I don't recount there much of the mental anguish which accompanied my spiritual quest. It was really tough, which is why I could relate to your post (even if the circumstances were different).
    I have a question for you (also for anyone else here): what was your motivation in choosing drugs? Was it to explore some new consciousness, or to mask some pain? The reason I ask more precisely is because I'm not sure if psychedelics (and even cannabis at certain times/quantities) are really the drug of choice for depression or anxiety. I'm asking myself the same question. Am I trying to alter my consciousness to get outside of myself? I could choose cocaine or morphine or dilaudid or even speed to make myself just "feel better". But maybe I'm just looking to break away from my normal consciousness for a while. I'm curious as to how others see the different applications.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2014
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  20. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Well that's an interesting one.. In retrospect, it is very difficult to say if it was for consciosness expansion of to cover up inner torment. and tension.
    Of course; at first, any teenager feels like they are struggling with one thing or another, and wants to experience the other side of life and do those things that 'adults' do (at least I was, and those around me when I was 15 onwards) so I can't fully say that it was all escape. It definately took some of the pressure off when I first got abysmally fucked up, or had a light drink and let the worries of the world sweep over me.
    What I could not have anticipated though was the inherent feeling I have running through my veins to explore inward infinitely (I still go through week or two long bouts of inward thinking and reflection; sometimes to find a realisation that I had to realise,and sometimes for no reason at all other than to tire myself out mentally). You can not know enough about yourself, but the more you know, the more you realise you know nothing. No psychological study or report or scienticif discovery, and no nonsensical trip into your subconscious mind or a moment spent in a state of consciousness like no other (you know what I mean!) will ever shed light on anything. It is all perceived and only holds temporary meaning that you give it. If I didn't trip extremely frequently and with high intensity of dosage; I wouldnt be who I am so naturally NO REGRETS, so while I believe that it was an important (almost vital!) part of my spiritual life journey, it was also equally futile.

    Don't beat yourself up and overthink it. If you continue to do psychadelics while having on/off recurring depressive thoughts, think about it.. Life is a series of depressive states mixed with wonderful moments and memories. Drugs or not; you will experience the immense ups and downs of life. Drugs just exentuate it, distort it, numb it or help you enjoy it more. I can't talk bad about drugs, only peoples neglect of them.

    Now.. the two topics that send me on a winding path of explanations and confusion mixed with deep knowledge.. The mind and human consciousness, and drugs (specifically psychedelic ones!) sheeshh.. im totally lost now.

    Where was I.. oh yeah

    In the end, it was to mask pain AND enjoy myself, and to begin with it was very much the same but on a much different level. In 5 or 6 years a person changes so much that I couldnt even remember. My recollection does not even exist, it is just a chemical trace of memory in my brain, so who is to say.

    All I can say is; (and again, this is sibjective, biased and totally personal) but MJ is the one drug that I returned to because it works so naturally within the human psyche, physical body and our very soul that it was an unclosed chapter that I needed to revisit with an attitude that it deserved to begin with.
    Psychadelics; although wonderful, are an extreme way of living. You can live while high on weed, but only few civilisations have lived while high on psychadelics. Fucked up aztec motherfuckers who trip balls on frog poison, and native indians who would trip on mescaline 6 months of every year and then live sober. While I agree with 'each to their own' I dont think humans were meant in any way shape or form to do that instinctually. :lol:

    While I respected psychadelics more than any other drug during that stage of my life (and still feel a profound connection to them and could talk for hours about it) they were a toy. It was a play-thing, because all of the amazing realisations that people have, and that I had, are nothing. We have realisations every day. I get pissed off at my girlfriend, go away, calm down, realise that I was a dick and say 'I wont do that again'. That's life.
    You do that same thing on psyahdelics and its like WHOAH, FUCKING REALISED THE MOST INTENSE THING! I NEED TO BE AN AMAZING PERSON!
    It's profound, yeah, but a sober person has just as many realisations with more longevity and with greater probability of remembering to follow through with it, so the only thing left in psychedelics of value is their novelty. It's nice to trip about flying through planets and melting through the floor and feeling like a marshmellow, but we can also dream these things, feel them when we look into our lovers eyes, we can feel it in ourselves when we experience accomplishment and love and stuff.

    So now that i've explained that I love psychedelics but also see how pointless they are; why risk having a trip when you have unresolved negative thoughts within yourself? Scary stuff, and can be very rude and disrespectful to your own personal wellbeing.

    Be careful is all im saying, your consciousness is a delicate thing. As with anything; do it out of utter love for yourself! If you are doing it for creativity, it's a bit overkill. If you are doing it to take a trip to the other side, you do that every time you hear music or dream. If you do it to escape, you only get deeper into it. and if you do it just for the hell of it, there are potentially better things you could do. But if you do it out of love for yourself then fuck yeah!

    Knowwhatimsaying? I hope so, because my fingers hurt from typing and my brain is exhausted :drool:
    peace out



    edit: upon rereading your post, a few things I have to add
    psychadelics are not for anxiety, straight up! there are few rare cases where a trip was accompanied by the right combo of friends, good vibes, music, nourishment and fun, and I felt free of anxiety 100%, but when that moment inevitably faded.. being anxious or self-conscious in any way shape or form on a high dosage of mesc, shrooms or lsd is one hell of a trip.

    MJ however for anxiety, it depends where you are at. These days it does wonders (not perfect, but still better than how I used to feel on it) but as with anything there are no guarantees. It's atleast a less intense substance to take the chance on :)


    and edit #2: I re-read my original post. It goes without saying that not every day is wonderful, because we are human after all and there is much to learn and much peace to realise, and we all all on the journey together. I hope nobody that is depressed or upset or going through hard times feels excluded or alone when reading my story. We all need eachother at all stages :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2014
  21. samantabha

    samantabha climbing the mountain of the mind Company Rep

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    Hi Deja Vu! I just woke up (I'm a tech worker who does third shift). I had written something for this site for fun (description of another trip on my beloved Grape God from CO), but didn't check any other alerts. Now my brain is a bit more normal and I can at least read your very detailed (lovingly) and well-written response to my questions. I may not be able to respond fully to you right now - but I will certainly be able to later tonight (after my daughter and I get back from the county fair).
    I agree with you that psychedelics are NOT the best solution for anxiety! I think they may have triggered some panic attacks for me in the past, in fact. I do think they've spurred my creativity though. By that, I mean, that the experiences provides a certain creative fodder for writing. It's not that I can't get inspiration from other sources, but the very internal nature of the trip can be provide a lot of new ideas. It's rather like a dream state.
    Oh, I want to talk to you about so many of the things in your post! But I must get my daughter ready here. I'll write later tonight. :)
     
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  22. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    Oh, it's a lot to respond to! Don't stress haha. Talk later :)
     
  23. samantabha

    samantabha climbing the mountain of the mind Company Rep

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    Hi Deja Vu. I'm back.
    First, I don't agree with you on the thought that your inner experiences were 'futile'. The things you talk about and the way you speak are surely related to your insights. I also think (I approach it for myself like this anyway) that the spiritual experiences that you have while in you are in a place of altered consciousness shouldn't be measured necessarily by how much or what truth you can glean from it. If the experience is lovely, then it's just lovely. If the experience is expansive, it's just expansive. If everything is just as it is, then that itself is Truth. Because the only moment we can possibly live in is now..... I hear you say that you realize you know nothing, but on my side that's not how it looks at all! You expressed yourself articulately and richly. Your words and ideas are like a rushing waterfall. Somewhere there must be a source?
    I am very interested in your reflections on your life. You talk about getting some of the pressure off, as well as wanting to experience "the other side of life". There is a key element in those motivations that I can relate to. It's like this: "being myself is a burden and I don't want the burden anymore". It's how I look at it anyway. Because I've noticed with every trip, insight, enlightenment, whatever, that it always boils down to getting away from the usual me. It's about seeing something new, having a fresh perspective, breaking a habit, changing direction, losing old worries. I'm not talking about drug addiction now. I'm talking more about self-discipline + catalyst (could be mj, music, new scene). My point is that we pretty much live a conditioned existence. We've learned who we are, what we know and don't know, and we have patterns that have come to rule us. Why not take a break and say "I'm not at all this or that"? (which means of course that we can't be unloveable or bad or any of the things that wreck self-esteem and make us want to escape.) Am I making sense? ...trying to find the best way to distill this and clarify succinctly. It's about what you're saying, that you end up not knowing. If we really don't know who we are, then why are we laying ourselves over with the pressures of who we think we are? And if we stop setting up this self that takes the pressure, if we stop thinking that we are such and such (understand thoroughly that we don't know who we are) then isn't the pressure automatically released of its own accord? To me, it's the perfect medicine (and it's why the herbal medicine also works - at least temporarily). To be well, give up the sick self.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
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  24. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

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    I liked that interpretation of it. You are right, I do recall a very profound, self liberating, carefree (while nervous and excited at the same time) feeling of leaning over the edge when the drop of acid hit my tounge and I thought 'oh well, if you have regrets now then it's a bit too late isn't it?! may we well enjoy the ride!'
    That feeling of breaking the monotonous pattern and delving into your alternate-self, or your true self with all of the ego and bullshit stripped away was amazing. Calling it an escape can be seen as a pessimistic way of looking at it (escapism can be a bad thing if you use it to avoid facing certain things) and escape can also be amazing. A holiday so a beautiful tropical location could be an escape. Nothing wrong with that, is there?
    I love talking about my trips, but I think that to avoid going back to that lifestyle I sometimes tell myself and others that I was desperately escaping from reality, and while I was once or twice, the majority of the time I was having an absolutely wonderful time and doing it just because I fucking felt like it which is the best reason to do things IMO :)
    All I know is; I am going to save myself for a very large and strong DMT trip for when I hit 30 years old just as a little celebration for getting high off sobriety for so long, and see how that goes for me. No doubt it will be nice, and by that stage in my existence I hope to not be such an over-thinker so that I can enjoy the memory and depth of it for the rest of my life purely, and without tainting it with reasoning and analysis like I have done with previous trips.. haha

    The first DMT trip I had was beautiful, but I had such an ego in my group of friends. I overtalked it, explained it and unknowngly ruined my memory of it for myself, and the deeper message and meaning of my 2nd dmt trip was so profound, but I overanalysed it and made a mess of it. 3rd time lucky ;)

    Thanks for your reply also, very enlightened of you to see it in that light :) It has shed some light on my own perceptions which I thank you for

     
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  25. samantabha

    samantabha climbing the mountain of the mind Company Rep

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    Wisconsin
    Wow, that was so well-said. And there a number of things that you mention that would be good jumping off points for some other trains of thought (just as I have not yet exhausted your earlier post, but just wanted to focus on certain things right now).
    Escape. Yes, we do tend to view it in a pessimistic way don't we? That's sort of funny when you actually cut out the element and juxtapose it with a different situation. I liked that you mentioned holiday in a tropical location. I laughed at first because it is SO true. It's ok to "escape" to Mexico in the winter. Why isn't it ok to escape yourself? You DID enjoy yourself, didn't you? And yes, shouldn't we just "enjoy the ride". My old Zen master, a Chinese man from Shanghai who was the last of a venerable lineage of Chinese masters (his teacher's teacher was this amazing Buddhist monk who lived to be 120 years old, traversed China on foot through mountains in winter, bowing down to the ground every 10 steps, burned off one of his fingers in a ritual to show devotion to the Dharma - incredible discipline in search of great enlightenment) used to say to us students "simply enjoy the ride". This afternoon I took a drop of THC elixir, 3 hits of my now favorite bud, Grape God and went outside to enjoy the outdoors. What an absolutely beautiful day! I wrote about it (a little crazy because the narration is directly written while I was really high, but every word is still true) on a thread I started in the Vapor Lounge ("Positively Grokking" - if you're interested in looking at it). The essence was my discovery that all of the world is heaven but we don't see it. Because we don't see it, we create petty (or much bigger) hells for ourselves. I told myself that I would not think of past and future, nor concern myself with thoughts about myself but would "simply enjoy the ride". As a result now I have a gem of a memory to taste when I wish and also a bit of a new path nicely forged. I don't have to take up anyone else's idea of what the world is or what I should do. I'm clean and new. I know it for myself.
    In this same way, this is your precious life. You get to find as much perfection, beauty, freedom, as you're willing to try to uncover. It sounds like you already know what you want to do and where you want to go.

    oh cool! YOu just posted Eckhart Tolle....
     
    Deja Vu likes this.

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