Feeling the Fear.....

I find that, for the first 20 minutes or so, into a session that I go thru this phase of self introspection and nervous energy. I especially notice this after a T break.

It's not very enjoyable and I can elaborate on it if anyone really wants to hear about it.

However, I also know ahead of time that if I get thru that phase, clear mindedness and calm await on the other side.

The energy is put to good use as it motivates me to get some of the more mundane or even unpleasant things around the house done. I also think that the dark introspection is useful as well, as it allows me to get beyond my ego and maybe honestly look at my life (past, present and future) under the harsh light of reality.

Do these sensations sound familiar to anyone else?

Not sure if i am that self aware. I'm not the guy who gets all paranoid when I vape(smoke in the past).
I will say that when I first started dabbing, I found myself jumping at shadows and looking around at random noises in the night. I caught myself rather quick and chuckled."WTF am I doing!?" I haven't really gotten myself there again...as hard as I try!

basement farmer said:

Do these sensations sound familiar to anyone else?

Click to expand...

Not to me but I totally understand why some may go through this.

I'm not sure I'd catagorize it as paranoia. But like DieHard sez so well, I'm hyper aware.

It is a "WTF?" moment or, more accurately, realization about myself and the path my life has lead and where it is leading. I think the real reason I find it uncomfortable is that it's just me being honest wtih myself, and the truth can hurt.

I do know paranoia and it was always associated with combusting. My hypothesis is that the nasty compounds released by burning adds to the total effect and not in a good way.

And as you all would probably suspect, the sensation is less severe when my tolerence is more robust.

Anyway, I digress. Probably half of my post should be in the off topic forum. I'm just really interested in hearing if this thought path that I go thru is not so rare or if it's somewhat unique.

basement farmer said:

It is a "WTF?" moment or, more accurately, realization about myself and the path my life has lead and where it is leading. I think the real reason I find it uncomfortable is that it's just me being honest wtih myself, and the truth can hurt.

Click to expand...

It can also be a catalyst for change.

I too have moments of introspection, but I do not usually attribute it to vaping or being high in general. Maybe, because, except while working, I like to stay vaked. But guess it is different for me. 10 years ago I made a career change that completely changed my life for the better. I reflect on where I would be if I had not made that move, and I cringe. I am grateful every day for the path that has given me purpose and a damn good living.

Few years ago i was introduced l to anxiety outa nowhere...im SUPER aware of my body when im high and feel little pains and uncomfortable spots and get scared that i have a disease or my body is unhealthy..and then it goes into..."its only a matter of time before some part of my body gets "sick"" its horrible..all started from a groin strain that i immediatley thought was ball cancer (so silly)

Im mostly over it now but i had to start anxiety medication and i have xanax on hand (but i never use it)

Marijuana definitley enhanced my hypochondria but ive gotten over it mostly and concentrate on the good things in like being pleasantly vaked

Funny though last night i was washing some glass pieces and i kept shutting the water and looking behind me cuz j had a feeling i was being watched haha

Funny how this plant effects us all so differently

When I start "feeling the fear," I just say this to myself - or listen to the neighbor's dog saying it to me:

basement farmer,
i have been going through this exact same type of thing latly . even going as far as having googled self introspection through cannabis just in this last week or so . i too experience this for the first maybe 20 minutes after vaping latly.

this isint something that i have always experienced during my long history with weed, but i can say its not tottaly new.
the thing is, im finding that its a very negitive type of introspection as of late. that is really not a nice feeling.

i personally seem to feel this more with vaping then smoking. i have to say though that i do not smoke very much at all. like once every week or two for the last good while [months] i struggle to keep my self strictly vaping and always seem to long for the smoke of joints.

anyway i have axcess to some very good tested cannabis, so i know the levels of thc and cbd in the strains i use. i just had a vape of some very high thc over 27 % and 0 %cbd and went through this unpleasant feeling.
just ended actually, just before i started to read your post.

anyway i also recently have been using another strain with a very high cbd over 13% and thc under 9 % . and can honestly say that i think the high thc is what is doing it to me . the high cbd stuff was very nice, i didnt feel this negitive self introspection at all with the cbd strains.

anyway after reading your post i just wanted to share my experience

chris 71 said:

anyway i also recently have been using another strain with a very high cbd over 13% and thc under 9 % . and can honestly say that i think the high thc is what is doing it to me . the high cbd stuff was very nice, i didnt feel this negitive self introspection at all with the cbd strains.

Click to expand...

I think that weed somewhat intensifies all of your feelings/emotions, and even an experienced toker can get worked up into a panicky/doom&gloom state very quickly, over things that normally wouldn't be such a big deal.

As shown in @lwien's post above this one, lack of cbd to counterbalance the THC, can cause uncomfortable effects. That's one of the reasons people prefer herb to thc pills. The high from the plant is much more balanced than a selected few compounds being extracted and isolated in a pill.

I wonder what the timeline is for the activation of each chemical in cannabis vapor once in your system. It would be interesting to see if THC starts being noticed little quicker than CBD and others, because the high tends to smooth out and become more stoney/mellow after the initial rush (usually before 30 minutes).

Each chemical would have to be introduced separately, into the same people, with vitals and such being tested throughout the entire effect cycle for each, on separate days.

It'd be cool to know exactly why a high feels/progresses the way it does. Knowing what information we already have available already makes the experience that much better.

basement farmer said:

I find that, for the first 20 minutes or so, into a session that I go thru this phase of self introspection and nervous energy. I especially notice this after a T break.

It's not very enjoyable and I can elaborate on it if anyone really wants to hear about it.

However, I also know ahead of time that if I get thru that phase, clear mindedness and calm await on the other side.

Click to expand...

Actually, the first 15 minutes or so is the best part of the high IMO. I like the self introspection, nervous energy, time dilation, flight of thought..... I love that soaring head high I get early on. In fact, that's the one thing I miss about combustion. I think the vaping high is longer lasting and smoother while combustion gives you more of an intense high early on(probably due to all the bad stuff released during combustion). That's why I still combust maybe once or twice a month to achieve that intense initial high that's sometimes missing from the vape experience. IMO, combustion is more of an intense roller coaster ride while vaping is a long and steady high. I love vaping and will never go back to combusting on a regular basis. So basically, I vape 95% of the time and smoke 5% of the time. Of course, this is just my experience as everyone reacts differntly to cannabis....

I have extensive experience with Buddhist meditation, and so when I started vaping, I recognized where I was!

For me, I look forward to those initial minutes where I can get a good look at how I'm thinking, reacting, emoting, and what attachments I'm clinging to. It's been so very healing for me, over the couple of years I've been vaping, to get down to those levels without needing to go to (another) meditation retreat and sit for 100 hours to get there (10 days, 10 hours per day. I've done it five times).

A sativa dominant can get me past the good part of it (detachment), and right into "what the hell is wrong with you?" territory. So, I am careful of my meds.

You are not alone, @basement farmer

Great responses everyone.

DieHard said:

I too have moments of introspection, but I do not usually attribute it to vaping or being high in general. Maybe, because, except while working, I like to stay vaked. But guess it is different for me. 10 years ago I made a career change that completely changed my life for the better. I reflect on where I would be if I had not made that move, and I cringe. I am grateful every day for the path that has given me purpose and a damn good living.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I think if I stayed vaked it'd be far less of an issue. However I need to not get vaked constantly, otherwise my tolerance goes thru the roof.

Funny you should mention the career change too. I'm pretty sure my job is a major source of my angst.

Ifeejulah Vapor said:

Few years ago i was introduced l to anxiety outa nowhere...im SUPER aware of my body when im high and feel little pains and uncomfortable spots and get scared that i have a disease or my body is unhealthy..and then it goes into..."its only a matter of time before some part of my body gets "sick"" its horrible..all started from a groin strain that i immediatley thought was ball cancer (so silly)

Im mostly over it now but i had to start anxiety medication and i have xanax on hand (but i never use it)

Marijuana definitley enhanced my hypochondria but ive gotten over it mostly and concentrate on the good things in like being pleasantly vaked

Funny though last night i was washing some glass pieces and i kept shutting the water and looking behind me cuz j had a feeling i was being watched haha

Funny how this plant effects us all so differently

Click to expand...

Hey, I had the groin pain mistaken as ball pain scare myself. Turns out I have a gimpy hip, but at the time I had a co-worker who lost a nad to cancer so my concern wasn't totally unfounded. Strange how your imagination can run away with things, but maybe not a bad thing either if it does turn out to be the real deal. Wasn't partaking at the time either.....l do think cannabis helps me overcome probably my biggest psych issue, ruminating on thoughts. That's a huge plus for me.

chris 71 said:

basement farmer,
i have been going through this exact same type of thing latly . even going as far as having googled self introspection through cannabis just in this last week or so . i too experience this for the first maybe 20 minutes after vaping latly.

this isint something that i have always experienced during my long history with weed, but i can say its not tottaly new.
the thing is, im finding that its a very negitive type of introspection as of late. that is really not a nice feeling.

i personally seem to feel this more with vaping then smoking. i have to say though that i do not smoke very much at all. like once every week or two for the last good while [months] i struggle to keep my self strictly vaping and always seem to long for the smoke of joints.

anyway i have axcess to some very good tested cannabis, so i know the levels of thc and cbd in the strains i use. i just had a vape of some very high thc over 27 % and 0 %cbd and went through this unpleasant feeling.
just ended actually, just before i started to read your post.

anyway i also recently have been using another strain with a very high cbd over 13% and thc under 9 % . and can honestly say that i think the high thc is what is doing it to me . the high cbd stuff was very nice, i didnt feel this negitive self introspection at all with the cbd strains.

anyway after reading your post i just wanted to share my experience

Click to expand...

You sound a lot like me. I guess if I had advice to offer from my experience, it would be to not fight it but accept it and learn to use it as a tool. Like lwien sez, it can be a catalyst for change.

I know it's going to happen, so I'm ready to look into the abyss. It educates me on myself everytime it happens and once the feeling passes I feel that I'm actually in a very good emotional state.

Apparently it's not so bad that afterward I want to quit, tho that is one of the thoughts thatt swirls around in my head when it happens.

EverythingsHazy said:

I think that weed somewhat intensifies all of your feelings/emotions, and even an experienced toker can get worked up into a panicky/doom&gloom state very quickly, over things that normally wouldn't be such a big deal.

As shown in @lwien's post above this one, lack of cbd to counterbalance the THC, can cause uncomfortable effects. That's one of the reasons people prefer herb to thc pills. The high from the plant is much more balanced than a selected few compounds being extracted and isolated in a pill.

I wonder what the timeline is for the activation of each chemical in cannabis vapor once in your system. It would be interesting to see if THC starts being noticed little quicker than CBD and others, because the high tends to smooth out and become more stoney/mellow after the initial rush (usually before 30 minutes).

Each chemical would have to be introduced separately, into the same people, with vitals and such being tested throughout the entire effect cycle for each, on separate days.

It'd be cool to know exactly why a high feels/progresses the way it does. Knowing what information we already have available already makes the experience that much better.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I really think this is the kind of study that needs to be performed if cannabis is to be taken seriously.

Like I had previously mentioned, deminishing thought ruminations is one of the positive side effects of using cannabis for me (though it's primarily for pain associated with my C-spine fusion). Years ago I had taken Citalopram for this issue. It worked, very well. But it turned me into an emotional zombie. Not giving a fuck is OK to a point, but I prefer the balance that comes from using marijuana.

Chill Dude said:

Actually, the first 15 minutes or so is the best part of the high IMO. I like the self introspection, nervous energy, time dilation, flight of thought..... I love that soaring head high I get early on. In fact, that's the one thing I miss about combustion. I think the vaping high is longer lasting and smoother while combustion gives you more of an intense high early on(probably due to all the bad stuff released during combustion). That's why I still combust maybe once or twice a month to achieve that intense initial high that's sometimes missing from the vape experience. IMO, combustion is more of an intense roller coaster ride while vaping is a long and steady high. I love vaping and will never go back to combusting on a regular basis. So basically, I vape 95% of the time and smoke 5% of the time. Of course, this is just my experience as everyone reacts differntly to cannabis....

Click to expand...

Sounds like you experience similar effects but have learned to use it to your advantage. I hope to achieve this some day.

Enchantre said:

I have extensive experience with Buddhist meditation, and so when I started vaping, I recognized where I was!

For me, I look forward to those initial minutes where I can get a good look at how I'm thinking, reacting, emoting, and what attachments I'm clinging to. It's been so very healing for me, over the couple of years I've been vaping, to get down to those levels without needing to go to (another) meditation retreat and sit for 100 hours to get there (10 days, 10 hours per day. I've done it five times).

A sativa dominant can get me past the good part of it (detachment), and right into "what the hell is wrong with you?" territory. So, I am careful of my meds.

You are not alone, @basement farmer

Click to expand...

Yep, I think enlightenment for those that manage to achieve it is probably a double edged sword. Ridding yourself of self delusion is both liberating and painful. We don't like criticism, even if it's constructive and being self-aware can feel an aweful lot like self criticism. Feeling that way isn't always pleasant...

basement farmer said:

Sounds like you experience similar effects but have learned to use it to your advantage. I hope to achieve this some day.

Click to expand...

Yeah, it's not like I never experience negative thinking and self criticism and such which can be intensified by cannabis use, however, it is rare for me. Sometimes during the initial onset of the high I sometimes find my mind racing and think of negative things such as my own mortality, health concerns, perceived personal shortcomings, missed opportunities, family and work troubles......in the rare event this happens, I try to quickly shift gears and only think about the positive things in life and happy thoughts about friends, family, work, upcoming vacations etc....I've found that I can usually shift gears to the positive so as to not let negative thinking fuck up my high then soon enough I will forget all the negative things I was previously dwelling on. Sometimes weed induced short term memory loss is a good thing LOL...

So I guess what I'm saying is weed can sometimes put you on an emotional roller coaster with scattered thinking, paranoia and even confusion, but I've found this can be minimized if you take control of your high rather than your high controlling you.

This is an interesting topic as we probably all feel these things, at least occasionally, even if you're the happiest most confident person around.

So, I think we've gotten to the important stuff and I'd like to talk about it for a moment. I call it the important stuff because I believe that it involves crucial societal norms that we really should address going forwards. (Not we here necessarily, but we as a society)

Unlike alcohol, marijuana is much more than just an inebriant. It is medicine for both physical and mental ailments. We here know this to be true and don't need to be convinced. That makes it completely different from alcohol and should require us to treat it completely differently. As a matter of fact, in my view, the only similarities between marijuana and alcohol are that they both change our state of mind. The ways in which they effect us are completely different.

For example, and I will speak for myself, one of the most obvious differences include how imbibing these drugs change my personality and the way I behave. Consuming alcohol has a tendency to exacerbate any emotion that I am feeling. If I am angry, and I get drunk, I get more angry. If I am depressed, and I get drunk, I feel more depressed. If I am happy, and I get drunk, I tend to get elated. Generally speaking, for myself at least, that is not what happens when I consume marijuana. It can actually even be the opposite.

One of the most important effects for me of consuming marijuana is the ability, with the help of the marijuana, to actually and obviously change my mood. If I am depressed about something and I can't stop thinking about it, getting stoned allows me to "change the channel" in a very effective way that alcohol does not and that I may not be able to do if not stoned. It allows me to concentrate on other things that are more productive, interesting, or useful. I can turn on the tube and get involved in a film that I may well not be able to concentrate on were I not stoned.

While I will admit that this might not always be a good thing, there are obviously times when we do need to concentrate on something that is bothering us, the majority of the time this capability is a positive and may even allow us much greater satisfaction with our lives. After all there are many things that we cannot change that we just need to learn how to live with, and the ability to take some of the stress out of those things is a huge positive.

Now I wont be surprised to find that this is not how marijuana affects everyone. We're all different with different sets of experiences and different circumstances in our lives and while more things make us like each other than make us different from one another it is still likely that many of us will behave differently in different circumstances. And medications or drugs that we take will have at least slightly different effects on each of us, I suspect that most of us will get benefits from consuming marijuana that are certainly better than those that we might get from consuming alcohol. And importantly marijuana tends not to fuck with our depth perception, our balance, or our concern for the people around us the way that alcohol does.

So while a significant portion of this post is pointing out why marijuana is better than alcohol I want to make clear that I am also suggesting that marijuana may be better for society, not just in comparison to alcohol but even in terms of helping us deal with it difficulties in our lives that can be overwhelming should we need to deal with them with nothing but our raw nerves. Because the effects of marijuana are so cerebral they tend to flatten us much less than the medications we tend to take to deal with pain and or depression.

I am incredibly hopeful that the legalization of marijuana for medical and recreational use will have lasting positive effects on our society. And this is especially true when comparing the use of marijuana to the use of alcohol.

Sorry for the long post.

Edit: Grammer

For me, I've found anxiety to be a result of the physical effect. I wrote about this in another thread.... I have a heart condition that causes compromised function and while I have not had a heart attack that I know of I've had some scary episodes related to a combination of low blood pressure, dehydration and elevated heart rate. I was sober each time it happened and I had light headedness, chest pain and a feeling of dread which are all symptoms of a heart attack or in my case I believe reduced function. The feeling of dread was pretty much the same as the feeling of anxiety we're discussing in this thread.
This got me to thinking and I realized that if I vaped when I was already dehydrated the dilating effect on my circulatory system caused my already low blood pressure to drop more which caused my heart to race which put me into that fear and dread place. Since I discovered this I always hydrate well before I vape and I have yet to have a bad experience in the last year or so. If anyone tries hydration with success please let me know - I'd like to know if I'm on to something and not just on something.

@Phydeaux same here man...now that i always stay hydrated im over that scared body conscious high. I think Dehydration makes your body ache and just feel weak which brings on the "whats wrong with me" thought and then its all down hill. Back in the day id always have a water bottle in hand while smoking and it worked.

I forgot about that...so yeah to any anxious FCers i reccommend staying perfectly hydrated it worked wonders for me too.

Interesting thread, and its nice to read that im not the only one!
I get those feelings and thoughts alot too, but ive learned that i keep it to one toke, 2 at most im usually alright. Often though i like to test my limits anyways

basement farmer said:

I find that, for the first 20 minutes or so, into a session that I go thru this phase of self introspection and nervous energy. I especially notice this after a T break.

Do these sensations sound familiar to anyone else?

Click to expand...

Absolutly. I can relate to this a lot.

But to be honest, one my main reasons of using the herb is this effect. I would even go so far as to say that MJ showed me the key to self-awareness and reflection of my actions, thats why I fell in love with it that much I believe.
Don't exactly can explain the circumstances or reasons of being not able to see myself from a different point of view before using MJ, maybe its a parenthood thing or a psychological barrier.

I agree that these effects of introspection and nervous energy can get uncomfortable but I try to read from it.
What happens for me is that my senses are sharped in nearly every sense and thoughts are storming in immediatly after a certain sense is being alerted. that alert can happen through anything that touches my mind.
A joke and I laugh my ass off, a heartbreaking sentence brings tears to my eyes.
So what happens when I am alone and getting high? Sometimes there are no things that attract my attention, but senses are sharped and thoughts storming wild, then I guess my mind searches for other attractions and sometimes it is my soul/heart/"whatever you call it".
Things which affected you unaware will get aware, shoved truths are being realized and buried emotions breaking through.

So for me this things also happen while not high, but in a more controlled, slower pace, controlable and not overwhelming.

I also have to disagree with @cybrguy , for me MJ is the amplifier of myself, not alcohol. Thats why I like MJ more then alcohol, I love getting high while happy to feel even more sensation. And I like using MJ while being depressed to dig deeper into this depression, trying to notice where it comes from and react on it in a rational way.
Alcohol turns me into the opposite of myself, I can drink away my sadness with it and also I can find myself happy and drinking and getting outraged out of nowhere without a clue.

So I am more attracted to something that amplifies my feelings and thoughts rather than manipulate them as handling situations different while under influence of it. I always want to be me and can't stand substances that alter myself.
But thats just the effect on me, others have other reasons and thats completly fine.

I get anxietyfeelings sometimes too, but I enjoy them. I mostly notice those kind of effects at parties. a big part of the fun of parties(the loud music, danciong and a lot of people packed together kind, not the actually-being-able-to-talk-because-there-is-backgroundmusic-and-couches-kind) is in overwhelmiong my own senses. and since weed makes me more aware, but also focus more on one thing, being stoned makes it easier to be overwhelmed by too much stimulation. and the combination with some alcohol really makes it that perfect blend of overwhelmed senses, going with the flow, dancing in a kind of trance, I can't get into that dance-trance with just alcohol or just weed, I need the right combination.

and paranoia is a way to have more fun on your own, you let your mind wander a bit and it comes up with all these crazy theories 'I can't see what's happening behind me, so what if there is a leprechaun riding a pink unicorn behind me?', wich you can then laugh about. also that initial jolt of paranoia feels so great, suddenly being hyperaware of my surroundings, clear, awake, but I still feel very sily/jokingly at the same time. and I've always had racing thoughts, so that's something I've always viewed as a fundamental part of feeling myself. so when weed makes my thoughts race trough my head, it makes me feel more like myself, comfortable, relaxed. like a 'home' feeling.

horst said:

Absolutly. I can relate to this a lot.

But to be honest, one my main reasons of using the herb is this effect. I would even go so far as to say that MJ showed me the key to self-awareness and reflection of my actions, thats why I fell in love with it that much I believe..

Click to expand...

With me it's like a highlights reel and I have a long and short version, so I get these waves of insight which is sometimes not pleasant but I've had it so many times I'm at the stage where I can just fast-forward it, let it wash over me and get on with enjoying the high. Oh, and sometimes it's like I forget to breathe and have to make a conscious effort - singing along to Jah music helps (as does muttering insanely to myself)

djonkoman said:

I get anxietyfeelings sometimes too, but I enjoy them. I mostly notice those kind of effects at parties. a big part of the fun of parties(the loud music, danciong and a lot of people packed together kind, not the actually-being-able-to-talk-because-there-is-backgroundmusic-and-couches-kind) is in overwhelmiong my own senses. and since weed makes me more aware, but also focus more on one thing, being stoned makes it easier to be overwhelmed by too much stimulation. and the combination with some alcohol really makes it that perfect blend of overwhelmed senses, going with the flow, dancing in a kind of trance, I can't get into that dance-trance with just alcohol or just weed, I need the right combination.

and paranoia is a way to have more fun on your own, you let your mind wander a bit and it comes up with all these crazy theories 'I can't see what's happening behind me, so what if there is a leprechaun riding a pink unicorn behind me?', wich you can then laugh about. also that initial jolt of paranoia feels so great, suddenly being hyperaware of my surroundings, clear, awake, but I still feel very sily/jokingly at the same time. and I've always had racing thoughts, so that's something I've always viewed as a fundamental part of feeling myself. so when weed makes my thoughts race trough my head, it makes me feel more like myself, comfortable, relaxed. like a 'home' feeling.

Click to expand...

Ive had this conversation before with friends who say "i get anxiety too i just dont mind it"

Is it anxiety if it doesn't bother you? Or is it just another feeling...i dont wanna discredit your feelings or anything but true anxiety is never rele a good thing! If it is it might just be somethin else.

Damn anxiety is so wack...being scared for no reason? I get angry at myself when it happens....anyway bouta go in on the Vapolution2 and thqnk the lord im mostly over that BS

I must really be the odd man out. With all of the psychoactive drugs that I have taken, be it cannabis, acid, peyote, shrooms, etc, I never get introspective. It's always about what's happening out there.

The only times that I will get introspective is when I'm not high on anything, but even then, it happens rarely.

Edit: Just remembered something. The only time, and I vividly remember it as if it happened yesterday (don't know if this could be classified as being introspective) is when I dropped some acid at a friends house on the beach at Malibu. It was at a party and I decided I wanted some alone time, so I went outside with his two labs and as I was standing there looking at a full moon on a clear night, all of sudden, there was like a bright golden thread connecting the moon to the trees on the hills behind us, to each of the dogs, to the stars and then to me and it became crystal clear to me how interconnected everything really is. Kind of mind blowing to say the least.

Same drugs can affect people differently as we're seeing in this thread. Back in the day's of Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd and Aerosmith we'd do psychedelics, drop acid, do mescaline, shrooms, morning glory seeds, etc. Like it was yesterday I can still remember how different everyone's reactions were and how dependable those reactions were. One friend always had bad trips and would go through bouts of things like 'I can't remember how to breath'. Another friend would laugh at the friend who was having the bad trip and make it worse by fucking with him. We'd talk about these things after coming down and I'd ask that they mentally prepare to get a handle on themselves before a trip because it was harshing my trip as I usually ended up taking care of them and their bad trips by directing their trip for them when it went bad....... but each would fall into the same pattern each and every time.... The trip controlled them. I never had an issue because I could control the trip instead of the other way around. Seemed to me the mind/personality of the friend always having the bad trip was wired for it. The other friend who couldn't stop himself from fucking with the friend having the bad trip was wired for it as well since when tripping he had no ability to feel or react with compassion. Eventually we went our separate ways and the only trips we took were to the supermarket. Many decades later the insecurities of the person with the bad trip was more outwardly noticeable in terms of how he arranged his life and the person with the lack of compassion ended up in club-fed for ripping off his investment clients and insider trading. Did the drugs expose a weakness inherent in my two friends? I might say yes but I'd also have to add that the person who went to jail had/has a amazing mind for finance/business and is doing very well although not in his personal life and the person with the bad trip issues runs a successful business where his risk averse nature is key to the help he provides his clients daily. Good with the bad, yin and yang......

I get bouts of anxiety and paranoia sometimes BUT I control them and even put them to use when the mood strikes. My anxiety/paranoia/introspective moments are usually centered around my concern for what other people think about me and whether I am treating them right and I can rid myself of these thoughts by asking myself a simple question just about every time...What would I be thinking about this situation if I weren't high? The 'putting these feelings to use part' comes from acknowledging that I feel differently about a situation because I'm high and leaving my mind open to the 'new' feeling as a different perspective that I wouldn't have considered otherwise.

Oh and as far as alcohol.....I'm one of those really happy drunks who's biggest issue is I love everyone when I'm drunk and my inhibitions drop so I start telling jokes I probably shouldn't.