Making new friends after 30 yrs old?
- Thread starter randybishop
- Start date
bellas
Well-Known Member
Randybishop this is a forum or (Club) just by asking your question you have made many members who may never have talked have many different discussions regarding how we all seem similar yet so different to you. Maybe you do belong to a group and by reaching out you can begin to see that although you feel alone maybe your not so alone. We all live in different places yet are able to reach out and help one another the best our own knowledge allows us. Some of us are happy being loners (myself included) yet here I am writing to help understand you.
Loneliness is a prison and should be taken very seriously. It may seem small but look at what you have brought out here in a forum about F.C. (Vaping).
I have noticed you have been silent since you first posted the question. I'm interested in your thoughts.
Loneliness is a prison and should be taken very seriously. It may seem small but look at what you have brought out here in a forum about F.C. (Vaping).
I have noticed you have been silent since you first posted the question. I'm interested in your thoughts.
arf777
No longer dogless
Fuckin A. Awesome if you can do it - I couldn't for 15 years. Took two years to do it, but I been off all the pain killers, muscle relaxants and anti-depressants since last August. And in no more pain, and less depressed, than when on them. Even quit tobacco and nicotine completely about 6 weeks ago. Still hurt like hell, but otherwise feel better than I have in decades. I can taste food again, major thing for a trained chef, so been cooking up a storm (see the Virtual Banquet Thread).
hd_rider
Well-Known Member
I'm in sort of the same situation as the OP.
I'm 52, married 30 years, no children. What family I have left are not close, speaking both emotionally as well as geographically.
I have very few friends. Sounds pretty pathetic, I know.
I work from home full-time so I don't get the opportunity to cultivate relationships with co-workers.
I do belong to a local car club (and maintain their website) but my wife and I both feel out-of-place there at the monthly meetings and drive-n-dines. The club seems to enjoy their little "clicks", but that's probably a natural part of every group.
My wife and I have been life-long friends with a couple we met while I was in the Air Force stationed in England over 20 years ago. They are perhaps our only true friends. I have, on more than one occasion, considered selling the house (I live in the Midwest) and moving to where they are at on the East coast just so that we can be closer. You know, do things, like go out to dinner, enjoy the occasional weekend BBQ, go on vacations together, etc. But selling the house and relocating across the country is a pretty drastic measure and I always talk myself out of it. I think about how lame that sounds, moving back east in hopes that my friends will 'entertain' me....
After driving 2 ½ hours home last night from a business trip, I was vaping after a very long and busy work week and I reflected on the fact that as I continue to get older, time seems to slip away faster and faster. Heck, even the drive itself, one that I've made many times before and always dreaded, seemed to go by in a flash. And being afflicted with the big 'C', I can't help but feel that whatever time I do have left on this big blue ball will go by quickly.
So, I just go through the motions of daily life. I wake up, turn on the PC in preparation for another work day. I sign off at 5, eat my dinner, watch the nightly news, and vape away the evening hours. On the weekends, my wife and I take care of the necessities, do the weekly grocery shopping, go to lunch, wash the cars, etc. Before I know it, Monday rolls around and it's back to the weekday routine.
It is said that a life without friends and family is a life not worth living. As I approach senior citizenship, I've learned there is lot's of truth to that statement.
I'm 52, married 30 years, no children. What family I have left are not close, speaking both emotionally as well as geographically.
I have very few friends. Sounds pretty pathetic, I know.
I work from home full-time so I don't get the opportunity to cultivate relationships with co-workers.
I do belong to a local car club (and maintain their website) but my wife and I both feel out-of-place there at the monthly meetings and drive-n-dines. The club seems to enjoy their little "clicks", but that's probably a natural part of every group.
My wife and I have been life-long friends with a couple we met while I was in the Air Force stationed in England over 20 years ago. They are perhaps our only true friends. I have, on more than one occasion, considered selling the house (I live in the Midwest) and moving to where they are at on the East coast just so that we can be closer. You know, do things, like go out to dinner, enjoy the occasional weekend BBQ, go on vacations together, etc. But selling the house and relocating across the country is a pretty drastic measure and I always talk myself out of it. I think about how lame that sounds, moving back east in hopes that my friends will 'entertain' me....
After driving 2 ½ hours home last night from a business trip, I was vaping after a very long and busy work week and I reflected on the fact that as I continue to get older, time seems to slip away faster and faster. Heck, even the drive itself, one that I've made many times before and always dreaded, seemed to go by in a flash. And being afflicted with the big 'C', I can't help but feel that whatever time I do have left on this big blue ball will go by quickly.
So, I just go through the motions of daily life. I wake up, turn on the PC in preparation for another work day. I sign off at 5, eat my dinner, watch the nightly news, and vape away the evening hours. On the weekends, my wife and I take care of the necessities, do the weekly grocery shopping, go to lunch, wash the cars, etc. Before I know it, Monday rolls around and it's back to the weekday routine.
It is said that a life without friends and family is a life not worth living. As I approach senior citizenship, I've learned there is lot's of truth to that statement.
lwien
Well-Known Member
I'm not approaching senior citizenship. I entered that fraternity awhile ago and I'm going to say something here that may seem a bit harsh but I'm calling total bullshit on that statement above, for a life can be very much a life worth living without friends and family. There are many who have neither for a variety of reasons, with many of those reasons simply being a matter of choice and to suggest that somehow, their life can't be lived to the fullest within THEIR construct of what makes THEM happy is not only irresponsible, but totally ludicrous as well.
One has to wonder how many suicides occur because of that label of "my life's not worth living because I'm alone". One also has to wonder how many of them could have been prevented with a simple change in perspective.
I'll say this again. You can be alone without being lonely. You can also NOT be alone and be VERY lonely.
A life without friends and family can very much be a life worth living. Who in the hell has the right to make that judgement call for others?
Ok...............off my morning soapbox. Coffee was a bit strong this morning.
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Thank you for your post - it is PROFOUND in many ways, and cuts right to the heart of this very important topic! My ONLY friend of 45 years just died suddenly, just 1 year after retirement. We looked forward to traveling together and continuing with all the great things we used to do. NOW - there is nothing for me to look forward to at the end of a hard days work, nothing at the end of a hard week, nothing for Sunday night dinners, no long stimulating conversations about anything & everything academic & personal, no more holidays, no more ball games, no more concerts, no more community and political volunteerism together, nothing ...it's all gone forever. Joe was the center of all I've really ever done for 45+ years. I now have no friend, no center, no bearing, no light at the end of the tunnel - just emptiness. Like you, I go through the manual motions of the day - like a ghost. YES - I really do feel like a ghost, just waiting for death to take away my body. Then, God only knows what lies beyond - if anything at all, or just dust. Perhaps I can rebuild to some extent, but I know it will never be all that it was with my best friend Joe.
Enchantre
Oil Painter
Maybe it is time for you to become 'Joe' to someone that needs you as a friend.
When you meet up again with Joe - and I know you will - When he asks you "and then what happened" ... you'll want a good life to tell him about. If you don't, then everything he taught you, the person he helped to develop. ... it will have been in vain.
Go for it.
CarolKing
Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur
Hd_rider go visit the area where your friends live. See if it would be doable to make a move. Maybe you have already done that I don't know. It sounds like you are depressed.
As we get holder our lives get busy, some of us have had children. We're going to work and dealing with every day stuff. It's easy to lose touch with friends and family.
It's never too late to turn things around. I choose to live a very simple life. I don't socialize a lot, but I've chose that lifestyle. I get opportunities to go out, but often times I turn them down. I enjoy my time a lone. With my job I deal with people quite a bit. When I'm not working it's me time.
We can choose what we want our lives to be as adults. Sometimes we have to make the best of whatever hand we are dealt. Be the best you can be at whatever you choose in life. Love and care about others but you don't need to be in the middle of it all the time.
If you want friends get out there and get interested in some things you've always wanted to do. When you are around others with the same interests that's how you can find some people to have fun with. Start by going out to lunch.
Sometimes it's just putting yourself out there and I know shyness can get in the way for some folks.
Snappo, I'm so sorry for your loss of your best friend of 45 years. I have a friend like that. We see each other occasionally throughout the year. She lives a couple hours drive away. We talk and text a lot. We've been friends since middle school and i don't know what I would do if I didn't have her anymore, I love her like a sister. We had a bit of a scare this week, the doctor had found a mass in her uterus. They did a biopsy and thankfully it wasn't cancer. I told her that her uterus was my uterus.
As we get holder our lives get busy, some of us have had children. We're going to work and dealing with every day stuff. It's easy to lose touch with friends and family.
It's never too late to turn things around. I choose to live a very simple life. I don't socialize a lot, but I've chose that lifestyle. I get opportunities to go out, but often times I turn them down. I enjoy my time a lone. With my job I deal with people quite a bit. When I'm not working it's me time.
We can choose what we want our lives to be as adults. Sometimes we have to make the best of whatever hand we are dealt. Be the best you can be at whatever you choose in life. Love and care about others but you don't need to be in the middle of it all the time.
If you want friends get out there and get interested in some things you've always wanted to do. When you are around others with the same interests that's how you can find some people to have fun with. Start by going out to lunch.
Sometimes it's just putting yourself out there and I know shyness can get in the way for some folks.
Snappo, I'm so sorry for your loss of your best friend of 45 years. I have a friend like that. We see each other occasionally throughout the year. She lives a couple hours drive away. We talk and text a lot. We've been friends since middle school and i don't know what I would do if I didn't have her anymore, I love her like a sister. We had a bit of a scare this week, the doctor had found a mass in her uterus. They did a biopsy and thankfully it wasn't cancer. I told her that her uterus was my uterus.
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True Friends are like treasure to me. They are very rare and hard to come by. But when I do find one I try my best to keep that friendship alive. When we get together it is like we were never apart. Even if there is a distance between us. Sometimes an inside joke of 3 words sent in a text message are enough to renew the security of a friendship. I have TONS of acquaintences, but a very select few True Friends.
@Snappo you have more friends than you can know in THIS community!
Although there may never be another Joe, you will honor his memory by actively being a friend to another. How did you and Joe meet?
For the rest, Get out and do what you enjoy doing and it will happen.
@Snappo you have more friends than you can know in THIS community!
Although there may never be another Joe, you will honor his memory by actively being a friend to another. How did you and Joe meet?
For the rest, Get out and do what you enjoy doing and it will happen.
@CarolKing, @Enchantre, @DieHard, all - Thank you so much for being here and contributing your hearts and souls for the benefit of all of us! Per your suggestion, I have always tried to be a gift to others that never stops giving - I always give folks my all with the best heartfelt intentions and with a sense of urgency even that lets them know I mean what I say & do for them in the deepest sense possible. BUT, Joe was my life-blood that sustained and fortified me to carry on, especially during those times of personal crisis when I felt I couldn't go on any further. I know were Joe alive still, I could never give to him all that he gave to me - and I don't imagine that I will ever forge another friendship of that depth and character in which I will be that very center for another human being. Perhaps I will honor Joe in that way, in some sense or another that is as meaningful for someone else - I just don't know - "perhaps" is all I can say without a firm promise. Thank you all for being here NOW - it is YOU that now sustains and fortifies my ghostly days and ghostly nights - and provides substance and meaning like meat on my bones!True Friends are like treasure to me. They are very rare and hard to come by. But when I do find one I try my best to keep that friendship alive. When we get together it is like we were never apart. Even if there is a distance between us. Sometimes an inside joke of 3 words sent in a text message are enough to renew the security of a friendship. I have TONS of acquaintences, but a very select few True Friends.
@Snappo you have more friends than you can know in THIS community!
Although there may never be another Joe, you will honor his memory by actively being a friend to another. How did you and Joe meet?
For the rest, Get out and do what you enjoy doing and it will happen.
grokit
well-worn member
Congrats to both of you, quite an accomplishment for any two humans!
I believe the 30th is the pearl of anniversaries.
It sounds like your "best friendship" is quite intact.
randybishop
Well-Known Member
Just came back here to see replies on this post and I just have to say "WOW!", this became way more thought provoking than I believed it could be. Thank you ALL for your honesty and insights. One of the reasons I vape is to escape boredom, because I do not have friends to fill the time. I have gotten to a great point in my life, now I have plenty of free time but no one to spend it with (besides gf)! It seems that it is the final piece in the puzzle of my life and I have yet to solve it. I appreciate the suggestions like joining a club or meetup.com, but I've looked online and there is nothing that really interests me. I wish there was a meetup for weed vapists, I would join that in a minute!
It's good to hear that you are at a pretty good place in your life right now. Weed should never be an end all be all center point in one's life, but rather, just like a sweater on a brisk night that adds a little extra comfort; a stair case that eases one to the 2nd floor; a little something extra is all. Keep searching for just that special thing that you will look forward to pouring your passion into ...and if that involves on occasion having with it a little vape here and there, so be it - but let that only be a little bird that chirps on your shoulder adding a bit of good cheer to your passionate endeavor.