Why is divorce legal?

I have been married, and I am divorced, so I know a little of what I am talking about. Why is it that divorce is legal? It makes no sense.

I mean we know that it can not be because love is lost, because marriage is a commitment till death do you part, and last time I checked, that meant mortal death, not death of the heart.

Now if there is physical abuse then understandable, but then we have many men who are arrested for abuse even when there is none, just so that the woman based on her word, and nothing more now has something to use in court in order to grant a divorce, and now some guy who never abused anyone ever is in jail, with a record, and maybe a conviction, and a divorce, all so that someone who should not have gotten a divorce could get one.

What a joke.

What they should do is make gay marriage legal everywhere but make divorce banned for everyone gay or straight.

Then maybe people can grow up.

EDIT. Sorry messed up on poll. Please ignore poll, or admin please fix.

And if you do support divorce, that is fine by me, all I ask is one favor, that you do not get married in the first place, because what is the point of getting married if your just going to divorce the person? That's all I ask.

Hmm. Kind of makes sense. Don't marry someone unless you are going to be with them for the rest of your life, what a concept.

I have a better idea. Ban marriages......all marriages. That way, divorce becomes a non-issue.

Or you could just not get married if your the kind of person that has no respect for the institution to the point where you are the type of person that ends up divorcing people.

That way everyone wins.

If you love someone and are committed,just stay with them......no rings necessary....your love should be more powerful than any marriage license

Jeremy Driscoll said:

Or you could just not get married if your the kind of person that has no respect for the institution to the point where you are the type of person that ends up divorcing people.

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I have only one comment to your quote above.

You don't know what you don't know.

lwien said:

I have only one comment to your quote above.

You don't know what you don't know.

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Thats not very specific.

Jeremy Driscoll said:

Thats not very specific.

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Let it marinate it for a bit.

Because people can be real pricks.

"Forever" is a long, long time . . . people and circumstances change. Every long term relationship has ups and downs and its easy during the good times, anyone can do that.

t-dub said:

"Forever" is a long, long time . . . people and circumstances change. Every long term relationship has ups and downs and its easy during the good times, anyone can do that.

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Exactly. Which is why people should not be getting married without making sure they are mature enough to make that decision and hold true to it. Instead of taking it lightly and then making up for it by divorcing.

Otherwise leave the vow making to those who are adults. Some of us actually want marriage to stand for something.

Jeremy Driscoll said:

Exactly. Which is why people should not be getting married without making sure they are mature enough to make that decision and hold true to it. Instead of taking it lightly and then making up for it by divorcing.

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Maturity doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.

There are tons of VERY valid reasons why people get divorced, as well as tons of reasons why some people SHOULD have gotten a divorce but didn't.

Its not that easy Jeremy, unless you have a crystal ball. Historically I believe the cultural phenomenon of marriage was to strengthen and celebrate the social/pair bond between parents/families thus raising the offspring's chance of quality survival. So it evolved into a religious ceremony. The government got involved after the civil war requiring "certificates" to prevent race mixing.

Then if that true. Then for those people who it is true for then I advise that you do not get married. For the rest of us at least tell us what kind of person you are so that we can avoid you instead of marrying you.

That way to those of us who take it seriously divorce is never a fear. And to those who think divorce should be legal, then instead of stating all the good reasons for getting divorced, or it legal, instead what you should do is never get married unless your willing to treat marriage responsibly like those who do not get married with divorce ever being an option.

Once again, Everybody wins.

lwien said:

Maturity doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.

There are tons of VERY valid reasons why people get divorced, as well as tons of reasons why some people SHOULD have gotten a divorce but didn't.

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I heartily agree. My divorce, for instance, probably saved my ex's life. Before hitting 30 we both found ourselves chronically ill, me with a degenerative spinal disease her with MS. Her asshole rich parents wouldn't pay for her meds while she was still married to me. So we got divorced.

I then discovered I'd actually been living with a crazy person for the previous few years.

Another example - my sister just caught her husband cheating, for the 2nd time in 6 months. Is she just supposed to keep taking that shit?

And lastly, how is it anyone's business but the people in the marriage? Contrary to myth, divorce in one form or another has existed in most cultures for most of history - like the ancient Jewish get, which goes back to at least the 2nd temple, or the Roman practice of divorcing if a more politically beneficial match comes along. This is not a new thing. It is far more common now than in any previous era, but there are arguably more social pressures to marry now, including, in many countries, serious tax benefits.

Also keep in mind the human life span has gotten dramatically longer in the 20th and 21st centuries. Before 1900, "til death do us part" meant maybe 20 or 30 years, if you were lucky. Now it means 50, 60, 70 years.

EDIT - Forgot to mention, it has to be legal for the protection of women and children. In those times and places where it has not been, women and their abused kids have been trapped with an abuser who had the legal right to come and get them, wherever they went. For a lot of history, being married made a woman property. Divorce was like getting herself back legally.

"Till death do you part" shouldn't be part of the commitment, There are other valid reasons why people should seek divorce, unfaithfulness is a form of betrayal and is ok to divorce, abandonment is another one.

Jeremy Driscoll said:

Once again, Everybody wins.

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Except for the people that dont think like you do, make a mistake, or become sick and disabled like I did. Jeremy, the stuff you are saying here sounds like good parenting material but you have no business, and neither does the government, telling me or anyone else who we can or can not marry/unmarry, and dishing out benefits based on that status, because thats what the fuss is all about.

lwien said:

Maturity doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.

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Exactly. Age and maturity are rarely synonymous.

Then don't get married. Because the whole vow for better or worse, is literal. It is not pretend. As bad as I feel for your sister, she did state for better or worse, which means that even as she is experiencing the worst of it with him cheating, it is under technicality what she vowed to put up with.

I mean the description worst means not only bad, but worse than bad, and worst means as bad as gets. So in a way no matter how bad things are all that means is that the vows promise is already in effect.

As for you being with a crazy person, that is sad, but last time I checked for better or worse till death do you part does not say, oh but if the person is crazy then the rule only applies to those who want it too.

As for life span extensions, oh well, once again, I do not remember any marriage where the rev said oh wait, you might live longer than expected therefore your vows are now invalid.

As for the money. I am sorry if being married is the reason her parents held back. But that is not the sanity of marriages fault, and that is rare. I have never heard of parents who are rich thinking it is ok to not take care of their loved ones because they are married and not single.

Jeremy Driscoll said:

As for life span extensions, oh well, once again, I do not remember any marriage where the rev said oh wait, you might live longer than expected therefore your vows are now invalid.

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I think you are confusing vows made before God to a civil/legal proceeding.

Vicki said:

I think you are confusing vows made before God to a civil/legal proceeding.

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Ok, doesn't have to be a rev. Could be a justice of the piece but a vows a vow, no matter who you chose to pronounce you after the kiss man and wife.

Vicki said:

I think you are confusing vows made before God to a civil/legal proceeding.

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Vows are different now as well, people are writing their own. I admit to doing the whole Catholic wedding, it was the only way, and it looks like we are going to make it but there have been some really close calls that you could never really anticipate or prepare for. Thats why the Catholics have a marriage class you have to take before they will marry you. I think this is a fantastic idea but you don't see me asking the government for everyone to take a class on what I think marriage might be all about.

I don't think the sister signed up for the possibly of getting STDs and such. As far as the gov't looks at it, it is a contract, and a contract can be broken.

When you get married, you enter into a contract, if one of parties violates that contract, the offended party is not obligated to keep it, so it is free from any obligation.

t-dub said:

I think this is a fantastic idea but you don't see me asking the government for everyone to take a class on what I think marriage might be all about.

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Exactly. Separation of church and state.

Well you shouldn't be changing the traditional vows just to get around the meaning of marriage, which in the end is very simple, together forever.

The till death, and or worse parts are for those who needed clarification who confuse forever.

If your going to change the vows so that you can legally divorce someone or morally do it because you don't want to take marriage seriously then just do not get married.