nice guys...

Being a "nice guy" sucks. I'm intelligent, polite and kind. To the opposite sex however, this translates to: "Not badass enough" and sometimes boring. Women seem to be much more interested in the dangerous, arrogant, cocky douche bags. Even knowing this, I wouldn't change myself for the world. I believe that more nice people would make this a better place. Unfortunately it seems that for the most part, it's the jerks who are breeding faster. so to the women of FC, I say: Give a nice guy a chance!

Wanted to post this somewhere, I figure FC is about the best place for me to do so.

I am getting old now, but some may say I once was one of those 'badasses' you're referring to.

You aren't missing anything mate, the women interested in men like that are mostly just crazy bitches looking for a thrill. They may be fun for a short while, but nothing you want to be around for too long.

Don't envy, just accept the fact that nice girls are hard to find & keep looking

<----- Nice guy here too.

I never understood why some girls love drama so much. I guess if there is no drama then life seems boring.

I consider myself.. a real darksider gone nice guy .. For sure many people fear me or feel uncomfortable of my sadistic irony and that i am obsessed with revealing the truth. My dark side is switched on just when something threatening or unpleasant is on the horizon. Everytime when there is challenge with the dark forces i just fight fire with fire.. and i have become damn good of being evil.. when it is needed..
Well in my teenager years i was like that almost everyday.. I would let noone lie about nothing cuz of my Sherloch logic and hyperactivity (combine with insomnia) , i would also punish every lie.. like i am the judge of the world or smth..
Well in my hometown.. there are still rumors that i am a servant of Satan, who get his powers from the darkness, cannot blame them.. cuz i was wearing many T-shirts of metal bands involving corpses ,goats and pentagrams ...Anyway i just got unfocused .. So i will try to make a timeline on how being a bad and a nice guy have effected my success with women !
It all started when even i didn't wanted to deal with chicks..
I was 12 years old ... Long hair till my ass.. last five years of Athletics got me a well build body . I was talking seldom to people.. I just came from time to time to hit a beer and say a word or two about bands i was listening.. For some reason the other guys hated me.. cuz i wasn't fake like them and actually known my shit in music (also used to play guitar that will get you a lot of chicks i swear) ... I started to mock my fellow metalheads.. cuz they were ignorant of the music they were listening.. and of their poor english.. Also beated the crap out of a 4 years older boy so i was hated even more by the Brotherhood.. but then the Sisterhood showed its interests ..
Well the more bad ass i was giving it.. the more chicks came.. but suddenly i realized that they are all the same.. and need to get something special.. for my romantic needs.. which would be understood by those people who thought of me like i was son of the Dark Lord .
Then she came... 9/10 looks ... 3/10 intelligence + lovely breasts... Well what more does a badass want.. ..
Well she proved herself to be unworthy and untrustful and revealed me all the crap that women got for men. Thank you girl ! She cheated,lied,stole some discs and a mp3 player when she decided to take off..
When thats what you get when you are a badass ..
This one make rethink my attitude towards women. I decided that if i want something really nice i should be nice too ..
Well you might have heard about my last GF ... Being too nice gets u nothing but a victim ..
Now i feel myself in emotional balance .. and honestly i don't need girl/women shit for now..
I also decided never to concentrate on being good or bad... that is what ruining the balance in life..
I imagine my darkness like a warrior who can bring the apocalypse and my brightness as a shaman who will cure the world out of its misery .I feel like if i remove the dark side.. i would be a half man..
Also want to add that from my experience no woman can be judged by the label.. cuz very often then unknowingly or on purpose put the wrong label . I would never be able to tell if a girl is good or bad for me if havent spent enough time with her in order to draw my conclusions .

weedemon said:

Being a "nice guy" sucks. I'm intelligent, polite and kind. To the opposite sex however, this translates to: "Not badass enough" and sometimes boring. Women seem to be much more interested in the dangerous, arrogant, cocky douche bags. Even knowing this, I wouldn't change myself for the world. I believe that more nice people would make this a better place. Unfortunately it seems that for the most part, it's the jerks who are breeding faster. so to the women of FC, I say: Give a nice guy a chance!

Wanted to post this somewhere, I figure FC is about the best place for me to do so.

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I think there is still room in this world for the nice guys..

Women only like douche bags until they break their hearts and abuse them,, deep down they want one of those boring guys who rides a hyrbid bicycle with cruiser attachment.

Just be patient, and don't look for anything, great things will come. The second I ever started "looking" or seeking anything, life has a way of saying NOOO and making it even harder.

I found the girl I had been looking for all my life. It was after a horrible breakup and I wasn't looking for anything new, just living life. I didn't even know she was "the one" at first until a couple months later, but MANNN am I glad that I stuck with her. I'm set for life , and you'll find her too man

In high school and university yes, being a nice guy does suck, but what's worse is being a nice guy who thinks you can't change anything.

There's a difference between being a cocky douchebag, and coming off as one. I'm still in university, and ever since high school I've been a pretty self-confident guy, yes, sometimes even coming up on cocky. But never obnoxious really. And I can honestly say that all that "bad boy" shit is bullshit, it attracts girls and pulls them in, but the girls that are attracted to that persona aren't relationship material almost ever, and if you guys do ever make it to the relationship phase 1 of 2 things will happen: 1. she cheats on you, or 2. one of you gets bored fast as you get to really know each other.

When it comes down to it, what attracts girls is confidence, whether you're a nice guy or not. It just so happens that most nice guys are also passive, introverts, and don't like to speak up for themselves. These are learned skills.

Let girls tease you, TEASE THEM BACK (PLAYFULLY), don't react negatively to any slightly meaner things she says, play em off like it's nothing. You have to build attraction, once you've got that start having real convos with her and see how you guys connect, then start being the nice guy you are.

JUST DON'T FORGET TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF. Be a nice guy, not a pushover, and you won't have any problems with the ladies I promise.

sektr said:

In high school and university yes, being a nice guy does suck, but what's worse is being a nice guy who thinks you can't change anything.

There's a difference between being a cocky douchebag, and coming off as one. I'm still in university, and ever since high school I've been a pretty self-confident guy, yes, sometimes even coming up on cocky. But never obnoxious really. And I can honestly say that all that "bad boy" shit is bullshit, it attracts girls and pulls them in, but the girls that are attracted to that persona aren't relationship material almost ever, and if you guys do ever make it to the relationship phase 1 of 2 things will happen: 1. she cheats on you, or 2. one of you gets bored fast as you get to really know each other.

When it comes down to it, what attracts girls is confidence, whether you're a nice guy or not. It just so happens that most nice guys are also passive, introverts, and don't like to speak up for themselves. These are learned skills.

Let girls tease you, TEASE THEM BACK (PLAYFULLY), don't react negatively to any slightly meaner things she says, play em off like it's nothing. You have to build attraction, once you've got that start having real convos with her and see how you guys connect, then start being the nice guy you are.

JUST DON'T FORGET TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF. Be a nice guy, not a pushover, and you won't have any problems with the ladies I promise.

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You can make money teaching that to rich badass loners dude

Well, as a former chick who loved bad ass guys, I can say that usually girls (notice I did not say women?) who want that are insecure themselves. They are usually young, immature and very needy, even if it isn't apparent.

I just celebrated my 35th wedding anniversary (we've been together for 40) with my "nice guy." I met him when I was 18 and after the other dudes had chewed me up and spit me out. He is the nicest and most giving person I've ever met and pretty much saved me from myself. I'm thankful every day that I have him in my life.

So guys, be patient. Let those little girls grow up a little before you start looking for real, lasting relationships. It starts happening around 19 or 20 for most of them, when their logic neurons mesh.
And the advice from sektr is gold.

hey guys thanks! It's nice to not even get flamed for posting this on a public forum. Only FC.

I appreciate the comments and advice. I think it's the confidence department I need to focus on also. while I'm not model material, I'm not a bad looking guy either...

The hardest thing I had found so far is with most of the girls I have met is lack of substance. I very rarely get that chemical attraction where I naturally feel it. Maybe there is only a small percentage who I am compatible with? I value doing what's right over profitable. I don't understand where people get their values these days. Jersey shore? lmao, it's so alien it's quite entertaining. (A guilty evil pleasure of mine)

what do you folks think about compatibility? Do we even know what we really want? I want a woman who is kind, thoughtful, likes nature and is mature. A woman who is interested in saving her money makes me hot! haha it tells me she thinks about tomorrow not just living for today (Something I am actually trying to do more of... Living in the now and not worrying about the past or future so much.) I want a woman who I can have in depth conversations that can last longer than 10 minutes. If she is outgoing and an extrovert that's all the better! I am introverted, so it's good to pair up with someone who has different strengths. I want a woman who on top of all that I am physically attracted to. A little shallow I know, but I think there has to be physical attraction. That said I think most women are very good looking. I'm not that choosy in that dept. Seems these women are rare or not single

I had a woman like this. It lasted 3 years before she went back to her first bf ever and is with him now. There is a thread about that on here too actually. I had another girlfriend since her but she was into badass dudes and I knew it was not meant to last.

most girls like badass guys, and most guys like the hot girl. thats life

just live life and have fun. when the time is right everything will click into place.

i think of myself as a nice guy with anger management problems

I feel your pain Weedemon. In my city all there seems to be is arrogant assholes and foolish girls. Half these girls have had their "drunk mistakes" which I still find not to be a valid reason to call it a mistake.
I would consider myself a nice guy, and for some reason I too dont have that "chemical attraction" happen often. And not just for girls even, I only really have one person I can call my good bro. Out of all the people that i know that smoke cannabis, all but few are irresponsible about it. That right there kills it for so many people I can think of on the spot. But then again, thats not the only thing these people are irresponsible about...
But anyway, once I get outta this town of fakes mabye I'll have better experiences. But till then, I just gotta deal with the bullshit, savour the good moments, and keep rollin on. The one think I like to think, is if you're franticly searching for a needle in a haystack, you're eventually gonna (painfully) prick your finger on it when you find it...

Lol! wouldn't you know it, I bitch about this and then the next day... what appears to be a nice girl comes my way! (I'm on an online dating site to help me increase my odds of meeting someone) Too bad she lives 2 hours away, but I'm still totally going to keep talking to her. She's exciting, that chemistry I was talking about, I feel it!. In fact I think she is too good for me, but that may just be insecure me saying that...

I wont hold my breath but who knows. Lets see where it goes!

I bet she's not down with weed though keep that on the DL for now i think. let her like me for me before she possibly judges me because society says to.

weedemon said:

Lol! wouldn't you know it, I bitch about this and then the next day... what appears to be a nice girl comes my way! (I'm on an online dating site to help me increase my odds of meeting someone) Too bad she lives 2 hours away, but I'm still totally going to keep talking to her. She's exciting, that chemistry I was talking about, I feel it!. In fact I think she is too good for me, but that may just be insecure me saying that...

I wont hold my breath but who knows. Lets see where it goes!

I bet she's not down with weed though keep that on the DL for now i think. let her like me for me before she possibly judges me because society says to.

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Wow always thought of online dating as a joke for desperate people WD .. I am glad you got luck.. Makes sure she is not some 40 year old beerbelly transsexual sadomazohist or some 12 year old princess ..
Not being into weed is a good thing in some way.. She'll keep away from your stash for sure .

-the girl i spent 3 years with who i loved was from the same site. she contacted me first online

-the "bad girl" was on the same site. i contacted online also (she was sexy... ) We were friends with benefits for months after we broke up too.

it's how i pull my women haha well not all of em. but the ones I ended up actually dating...

Ha=ha I guess than you need to set the deal first online .. then .. One of my friends met her husband in WoW(World of warcraft ) And they actually first married in the game... WTF ?but i check and u can marry your character to other ... Well half year later.. she went to Norway and got married for him ... he proved himself to be abusive and he lived with his family with 9 siblings ... (lol) so she left him and came back here.. LOL i got carried away..

woah that sounds intense man

You're not alone:
https://groups.google.com/forum/?hl=+en�e25a53520b959c9&fromgroups#!topic/soc.women/25XdoSbpKXY

(note the date of the posting is 1991)

I consider myself a nice guy, altough I'm also selfish, but weed turns that around(sober I only care about my own happiness, altough I wouldn't hurt/steal etc for it, high I still mostly care about my own happiness, but I'm much more helpfull, if I'm high I'll stop to help when seeing someone underway who needs help for example, hold open doors even if I have to wait for it etc)
confidence is something that doesn't really aply to me, since confidence goes out from other people's opinion about me while I don't care so much about that. I'm passive too, I would not aproach someone, all my friends I also met either trough mutual friends, or because they once aproached me. I don't try to blend in either though, I do stand out both by how I look and how I act, since I don't like to surpress myself without a good reason. so for example I wear sandals all summer, and in the fall till the first frost, I don't wear deodorant(I can't smell it myself anyway, and especially on hot days when I sweat more it itches so it only has negative effects, and on top of that sometimes I would have to get new deodorant and make a choice from all the ones in the supermarket), I can be very stubborn, and am not good with authority.

I never liked flirting(while, actually I've never tried it, but it doesn't seem fun), and I would never aproach girls/women. decided a long time ago I don't want my happiness be dependant on someone else, so I'm happy alone. I wouldn't want a girlfriend that restricts me/my freedom, but one with a similar lifeview as me and intelligent enough to talk about interesting things and philosophy would be great. but I don't meet many people like that, let alone single girls like that.
most people seem to be more interested in celebrities and fashion than pre-spaniards south american agriculture, germanic/viking/frisian history, permaculture, gardening, plasma cosmology or philosophy.

I've gone from frustration through disappointment regarding this nice guy thing. Frustration because, for the past 5 years, the only 3 girls I've been "in love with" simply moved away towards a douche-bag. At the time I felt... sad... because of that, since I was like the most introverted-socially-awkward guy who treated girls to good, and being turned down 3 times like that makes you feel as if there was something wrong with you...

...but hell no! There is nothing wrong with being a "nice guy", I mean, that's my personality, that's the way I function and people have to get over it. I realized that when I changed my philosophy of life and started living for -and by- myself without caring much about what other people think. Now I don't care that much about being rejected, if someone doesn't like me while I'm being myself, then it's their problem, not mine. That's what leaded to disappointment.

The problem is that I can't seem to find "someone" who is interesting now. The girls I've met lately are simply too shallow, too empty, too focused on things I would consider trivial, I don't know... sometimes I feel as if I'm to mature for my age and all the girls are still living their teenager wet dreams. I'm just hoping to meet someone like weedemon described a few posts ago. Someone whose concept of life and enjoyment are similar to mine, or at least fitting towards our lifestyle, but unfortunately finding someone like that has proven a hard task.

funfact: is the second "nice guy" topic I see today on the forums I visit

Girls are just trouble, trust me, I am one lol

Jenny said:

Girls are just trouble

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So it better be double !

I'd go with 'be sparkly'

I feel you , OP. That was my train of thought before meeting my wife. We met when I had said fucked it to dating and now we are happily married. We have a very balanced relationship and now I am the most fullfiled I've ever been in a relationship with any one , ever.

Time , my good sir , Time.

well I would like to report to you guys I possibly found myself a keeper! so far she seems really amazing. We have tons in common, were able to talk nonstop for 3 hours, and the more we talk the more i like her! she lives 2.5 hours away from me though

*can't edit my last post, but she told me i'm genuine and original. we talked about my "#1 thing to fix the world" thread topic and she was fully on board! she said she probably falls just off from marxist politically.

I'm smitten! ...and I gave her a lil kiss at the end of the evening! (I never do that on a first date)

oneiros. said:

I've gone from frustration through disappointment regarding this nice guy thing. Frustration because, for the past 5 years, the only 3 girls I've been "in love with" simply moved away towards a douche-bag. At the time I felt... sad... because of that, since I was like the most introverted-socially-awkward guy who treated girls to good, and being turned down 3 times like that makes you feel as if there was something wrong with you...

...but hell no! There is nothing wrong with being a "nice guy", I mean, that's my personality, that's the way I function and people have to get over it. I realized that when I changed my philosophy of life and started living for -and by- myself without caring much about what other people think. Now I don't care that much about being rejected, if someone doesn't like me while I'm being myself, then it's their problem, not mine. That's what leaded to disappointment.

The problem is that I can't seem to find "someone" who is interesting now. The girls I've met lately are simply too shallow, too empty, too focused on things I would consider trivial, I don't know... sometimes I feel as if I'm to mature for my age and all the girls are still living their teenager wet dreams. I'm just hoping to meet someone like weedemon described a few posts ago. Someone whose concept of life and enjoyment are similar to mine, or at least fitting towards our lifestyle, but unfortunately finding someone like that has proven a hard task.

funfact: is the second "nice guy" topic I see today on the forums I visit

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I feel for you dude! I have had similar experiences but I feel you an I really are similar! (now you said you were socially awkward. I am too, when I am being genuine. but i also have a "customer service" persona I can put on. It's how I survived interacting with people when I work with the public or customers/patrons etc...) Wedding and events like that fucking KILL me. I'm a one on one kind of person. I don't do crowds well.

With respect to finding a keeper, those "gems" are few and far between! Keep on looking my friend! and don't settle! (sure, have some fun along the way if you can, but keep you eye on the prize!) I totally agree, that the majority of the human race are on a different wavelength than I am. and it makes it hard to find someone of quality when they are turning into "jersey shore".

If you haven't tried it, may i suggest online dating? It's seriously helped me find one woman i spent 3 wonderful years with. and it may have just found me another! (well i found her this time but though the same site) I use POF, but go with whatever people in your area use. pof is free and pretty awesome imo though. but just like the real world. prepare to find a lot of incomparable people too!