Girlfriend doesn't know I smoke

kevintech said:

qbit...thanks for your post. its not that easy to get rid of an 8 year relationship though. we've been through way too much, and shes already forgiven me for cheating on her and she has done so much for me that the least i could do is give up "vaping" for her you know?


but then again its so hard to give up the good 'ole greeeeen

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Yeah fair enough. I guess you have to decide whether it's really love here, or if it's more attatchment and fear of the unknown. An eight year relationship at your age means you've been together since school, I guess. That's a third of your life so far. People change a lot in that time. And if you don't even really socialize together, I wonder if you really see eye to eye on much at all any more.

kevintech said:

qbit...thanks for your post. its not that easy to get rid of an 8 year relationship though. we've been through way too much, and shes already forgiven me for cheating on her and she has done so much for me that the least i could do is give up "vaping" for her you know?


but then again its so hard to give up the good 'ole greeeeen

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Dude, I can totally relate to you and where you are coming from. And being in a similar boat as you, I will tell you now that you have some serious decisions you need to make. I know 8 years is a long time, but whats even longer is when you are stuck in a bad (marriage) and you are counting the days until your 18 year obligation(s) have been fulfilled. Ima tell you now - you are still relatively young and about the age that I was when I married as well. Im not telling you what you should do either way with your relationships, but I will tell you that you better fucking listen to these warning signs NOW! Chances are they wont 'get better' regardless of how good your intentions are/were and you may find yourself in the same situation (i.e. infidelity, half truths about MJ etc) with qutie a few more complicating circumstances (i.e. KIDS, lots of time vested in a marriage, inlaws etc)

Relationships are about give and take and not ultimatums. There are some definite 'deal breakers' in relationships, I think being a 'pot head' wouldnt rate or rate in the minor scale of things.

CHOOSE which hill you are going to die on. (Ive lost count of how many times Ive told her that)

I dunno
eight years and she really doesn't sound like a keeper. Respect and understanding
have to go both ways. I guess she is just perfect. Qbit is harsh in his analysis, but
accurate. In years to come she could get really dominant. 24 is still way young to
tie your self to someone else.

kevintech said:

shes already iffy about my drinking alcohol socially. and since im pretty much a B- student in gradschool, she thinks i need all the brain cells i can keep.

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if she thinks that then she should be FOR you using cannabis.

not only does cannabis not cause any brain cell damage, new studies show that it may even stimulate brain cell growth. how about that shit?

do your homework and then show it to her. tell her its unfair for her to make you choose between her or cannabis. tell her to find proof of how exactly cannabis is harming you in any way. she wont find any. she needs to understand that her beliefs of cannabis are dead wrong.

if she still refuses to at least listen to you then you have a decision to make. at this point she is the selfish party in the matter.

AGBeer and vapirtoo, thanks for the posts.

I understand everything you both are saying. And trust me, the last thing I want is to be in a horrible marriage. The thing is, this girl is really really easy to get along with. She would never cheat on me, relatively good looking, thin and I can't complain about the sex lol. She isn't high maintenance, very respectful and has helped me a great deal throughout life.

She only has a few things that really bother her....that's doing illegal drugs and cheating. All she is asking is that I don't "vape" and I can have pretty much everything else.

Am I brainwashed? I know there are other girls out there, but the ones are worth dating are taken and the rest are really just good for playing around with (no offense to any females reading this).

What I'm really trying to say is that I don't think I can find another girl that will take care of my ass as well as my gf now. That's why I'm willing to fight to keep her.

There is nothing wrong with fighting to keep her, and from what it sounds like she is 'da shit' Hopefully further educating her will help put her at ease as far as the MJ is concerned.

Whats right for you isnt necessarily right for everyone. (And the same would apply to her as well) I think that you need to do what you are comfortable with.
TRY educating her about the plant. If she still doesnt accept it (or at a minimum tolerate it) then you will have to choose which path you take. (i.e. behind her back or not at all)

In my house, its kind of like a 'dont ask dont tell' - I dont flaunt it, its done when they are away or in bed, and very rarely if ever does she know if I am medicated or not

Hey KT,
when you say that kind of stuff, then maybe she IS worth it in the long run.
Vaping is not the be all and end all, if you really love her then what the hell throw
the herbs away. ......... for now.

kevintech said:

All she is asking is that I don't "vape" and I can have pretty much everything else.

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What else is there? Bringing another girl into the mix?

Seriously though, if it bothers you enough that you are posting about this to total strangers online then you WILL want to do it again in the future, so I still think my advice about trying to convince her of the medical benefits or harmlessness of marijuana.

Hrm. Dishonesty about a hobby of yours that you obviously enjoy...sounds like a great basis for a relationship! On a positive note, your well-practiced duplicity should come in handy when you have to prevent the discovery of your mistress, your business failure, and the emptying of your bank account after you develop a crippling addiction to scotch, blow, and cheap hookers in a futile attempt to hide from the depressing reality of your situation... and it all started because of marijuana, the gateway drug! :/

mudstar said:

Hrm. Dishonesty about a hobby of yours that you obviously enjoy...sounds like a great basis for a relationship! On a positive note, your well-practiced duplicity should come in handy when you have to prevent the discovery of your mistress, your business failure, and the emptying of your bank account after you develop a crippling addiction to scotch, blow, and cheap hookers in a futile attempt to hide from the depressing reality of your situation... and it all started because of marijuana, the gateway drug! :/

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Dun Dun Dun

Quality post

mudstar said:

Hrm. Dishonesty about a hobby of yours that you obviously enjoy...sounds like a great basis for a relationship! On a positive note, your well-practiced duplicity should come in handy when you have to prevent the discovery of your mistress, your business failure, and the emptying of your bank account after you develop a crippling addiction to scotch, blow, and cheap hookers in a futile attempt to hide from the depressing reality of your situation... and it all started because of marijuana, the gateway drug! :/

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hahaha

mudstar said:

Hrm. Dishonesty about a hobby of yours that you obviously enjoy...sounds like a great basis for a relationship! On a positive note, your well-practiced duplicity should come in handy when you have to prevent the discovery of your mistress, your business failure, and the emptying of your bank account after you develop a crippling addiction to scotch, blow, and cheap hookers in a futile attempt to hide from the depressing reality of your situation... and it all started because of marijuana, the gateway drug! :/

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basically the most epic post I have ever seen, and I'm not even high right now lol



Yeah dude just educate her, tell her to watch "the union: business of getting high" documentary. it will hopefully change her perspective. Tell her its no different than coffee (caffeine is a drug) or alcohol...

Yep, you gotta level with her. If she really loves you she will listen.

Glad I could provide some chuckles with the earlier post, but in all seriousness, if you can't be honest with someone you may spend the rest of your life with about something as benign as your preference for the herb, your marriage is doomed before it even starts. And it will only get worse if this is where it begins.

Imagine how nice it would be to be able to be honest with someone you love and have them still appreciate you and love you. If you can't do that, it's probably not a person you should be with.

Cheers,
J

kevintech said:

AGBeer and vapirtoo, thanks for the posts.

I understand everything you both are saying. And trust me, the last thing I want is to be in a horrible marriage. The thing is, this girl is really really easy to get along with. She would never cheat on me, relatively good looking, thin and I can't complain about the sex lol. She isn't high maintenance, very respectful and has helped me a great deal throughout life.

She only has a few things that really bother her....that's doing illegal drugs and cheating. All she is asking is that I don't "vape" and I can have pretty much everything else.

Am I brainwashed? I know there are other girls out there, but the ones are worth dating are taken and the rest are really just good for playing around with (no offense to any females reading this).

What I'm really trying to say is that I don't think I can find another girl that will take care of my ass as well as my gf now. That's why I'm willing to fight to keep her.

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Seriously dude? She's good at taking care of your ass?

And how about you? Are you good at taking care of people? From what I can see, you are looking at this very one sided. It's all about you and your needs. As stated above, relationships are about give and take, not just take. It sounds to me as if you have some maturing to do before even thinking about getting into a relationship. :/

kevintech, I don't really feel that anyone on this forum can give you a straight-up and honest answer on what to do here. We're not involved in the situation, we don't understand when you two are honestly coming from. Sounds like some of us have had some bad turnouts coming from your situation and some of us (well, a lot less of us though) have had some good ones. Doesn't really mean any of us know where you're coming from though, 8 years of experiences with another person are hard to sum up in an internet post, right?

I do know, if it was me, I'd let her know I care about her. I'd bring her flowers, still keep trying to be with her, but I also wouldn't quit vaping. I wouldn't lie about it, but if she wants to make the decision to end your relationship, that is her deciding it. I would say 8 years is an extremely long commitment to give up on; and thats aimed at both ends. All you can do is be who you are, keep caring for her, and not let go until she makes you. This isn't a case of marijuana vs girl; its a case of the girl trying to change your habits. Just let her know you don't see it as an ultimatum and maybe she'll stop seeing it that way too.

And maybe take a note out of momofthegoon's book. Traits like "thin", "good-looking", "all the other good ones are taken" and "never cheat on me" aren't the things to tote you got out of a long-term relationship (not to say a little mutual play with such traits is wrong, its just obviously past that point). Look for "loves", "commits", "works with me", and "makes me want to be a better person" to really choose a girl to keep around. If its 8 years you should know if you love each other or not. If you really do, then no one would be talking about leaving over such a small thing. If you don't, then it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Sidenote: There might be more personal reasons she wants you to quit. The only time I've felt such an ultimatum was necessary would be situations similar to one of my older best friends. His fiance had been abused as a child by her scum family. They'd get high, and oftentimes force her to get high around the age of 8 too. Something like that happened to me I'd hate weed too.

PerseusStoned said:

kevintech, I don't really feel that anyone on this forum can give you a straight-up and honest answer on what to do here.

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Actually, I believe I can. If you can't be honest with the person you want to marry, or even someone you're dating, then you have no business being in the relationship.

Cheers,
mud

What else is there? Bringing another girl into the mix? .

I like the way you think

Don't tell her!!!!!!! My wife has no idea, and it's gonna stay that way. If you don't care if she leaves, tell her. There are some people, you will never convince. I don't mind hiding it, matter of fact, I prefer it. If she knew, she would be trying to guess when I'm high and shit like that.

I could never be with a girl I had to hide it from........too big a part of my life to hide it. Thankfully my wife smoked/vaped all thru our dating and marriage and stopped when we were trying to have a baby. We now have a beautiful 9 month old baby girl and my wife hasnt touched MJ in about 2 years.....PERFECT.....more for me
She looks at me vaped to the gills sometimes and gets jealous, she cant wait til she is done breastfeeding in 3 more months so she can partake......lucky gal how high she will get after being away for over 2 years....that will make me jealous! :/
On another note my wife is the one who bought me my first vape for my birthday a few years ago......I havent looked back since.

sundaddy said:

Don't tell her!!!!!!! My wife has no idea, and it's gonna stay that way. If you don't care if she leaves, tell her. There are some people, you will never convince. I don't mind hiding it, matter of fact, I prefer it. If she knew, she would be trying to guess when I'm high and shit like that.

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Thats a shitty place to be man. I totally feel for you as I was there not so long ago.
It took some time, but she at least 'knows' now, not necessarily 'when'.

THAT is one thing I have to kind of keep on the DL as I partake more often on some days.