Help Me Reclaim My Life...PLEASE.

Alright FC here's the actual facts and this is a real discussion. I might even print most of your responses from this thread to show my father.

Background info:

I am 21 years old and live at home with my parents. I have severe anxiety and mild OCD and due to everything else I get hit with depression pretty hard fairly often. I have been on literally 100+ meds to try to "fix me" and nothing ever works short of benzos (kpins or xanax) but of course they only work for a week tops due to their incredibly addictive nature. Now I take them even though they don't help just because if I miss one, it makes my day seem to go by much slower. I have been to so many Dr.'s and taken so many medicines that I don't have faith in any kind of modern medicine anymore (for my particular situation).

One thing that has always been able to help me was marijuana. I noticed that while some people have anxiety attacks when they use marijuana, I on the other hand, felt calm and like my brain was able to think slowly and CALMLY. Something that simply does not happen for me. I have tried medicine, therapy, meditation...NOTHING has slowed down my racing brain other than marijuana.

Once I used my first vaporizer I instantly knew it was exactly what I needed. Not to get high and have fun, but to use to feel normal which I did for the first time in my whole life. Suddenly it was clear to me that if you want to enjoy marijuana for recreation you can smoke it, but by vaporizing it I stay completely clear headed and just feel relax and right. It's like as soon as I vaporize I feel normal and that's all I've ever wanted.

Now for the problem. I am trying to convince my family that it is a legitimate medical device and not just a way to get high in the house. My father listened to me and is willing to at least consider it and find out more information on them since he knows that smoking does help me calm down quite a bit. The biggest problem, my mother. Her stance can be best summarized with this exact quote "I don't care what it does, I know what goes in it still!!!" followed by a slammed door. Clearly she is not open at all to the idea of marijuana being used as a medicine. Even if it's the only thing that can make me feel ok, she could not possibly care less. Now both parents know I smoke. They both know I can barely make it through my day to day life due to how severe my conditions are at this point in my life.

I don't want to simply buy and hide a vaporizer. I feel like a scumbag for simply trying to feel better and that isn't right. I don't have to hide my lethal and life ruining clonazepam but I'd have to hide a natural flower that almost completely relieves my suffering?


I am going to be searching for info to print out and leave around the house forcing my mother to see it, and I will be printing copies to hand to my dad since he can act like an adult about it. Any information that anyone can find that shows just how helpful they can be in my situation would be amazing. I am already going to be printing tons of info myself I am just asking for an extra hand. I feel like I can barely make it through the day and when I go to bed I know it's going to be another miserable day again tomorrow. I'm 21 and should be enjoying my life but I can't while I am feeling this way. I am scared that my condition is going to cause me to lose my girlfriend, job, car..etc and at that point I feel like I would just give up on everything. I just want to get better.

I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read such a long depressing thread and offer up some links to information supporting my cause.

Thank you very much,
Darkrom

Only you know how your mom's mind ticks, so only you can figure out how to warm her up to the idea, the only thing that those on a forum can do is shorten the leg work you have to do on your own.
Just do a google search on medical marijuana and you will begin to find information to help your cause.

from reading what you wrote, alot of it seems to come down to how you define your marijuana use to yourself. You view it as a negative thing. something illegal. Before you can convince your mom and those around you that MJ is a positive thing and it helps... you gotta convince yourself first.
Once you see everything in a positive light for yourself, it will be much easier to convince those around you to see things the way you see it.

Just know, your not alone, and many people who turn to mj for help sometimes feel what there is doing is wrong... its a small hurdle, but an easy obstacle to get past once you get the momentum

I have suffered with Bipolar Depression (IV) and ADHD most of my life. I started using marijuana in HS recreationally and have continued to use since. I've been on most of the pharmaceuticals (with and without weed) and they usually bettered the depression symptoms, but made me flat. zombie - like and numb, not to mention how much they fucked up my libido and sleep cycles. Oh and I'm convinced that Zoloft made me attempt suicide twice.

I always felt pot made me feel more normal even tempered and slowed down my brain, but i always just assumed that was because i was an addict. I was told this by at least one shrink.
Then, within the last year or so I began doing research and lo and behold, Cannabis is a mood regulator! I'm not some addict, I've been self medicating (small quantities at quasi frequent intervals) all these years! My husband who has been with me since Junior year (95) knows me almost better than myself. He has told me that he feels that marijuana has allowed me to live with my condition. Not masking it, mind you, just evening out the highs and lows that are the norm for manic depressives.

This makes it much easier for me to function in my everyday life as a homemaker with two young (one special needs) children. I'm sure it also makes it a hell of a lot easier for him to deal with me.

I was fortunate enough that I had a pretty private bedroom, my parents never came in there "never knew" or just chose not to confront the issue.
I hope you can give your Mom some solid facts to reverse the years of propaganda she has been fed.

I found tons of useful information on this website.
http://medicalmarijuana411.com/

http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=000226
this one has both sides of the argument. Perhaps you could check out the physicians that are quoted in the pros section. it's a start.

Best of luck to you. and know that there is at least one other person out there who's depression has been helped tremendously by using marijuana.

That being said, a good, minimally processed diet and exercise also do a great deal to treat depression. I'm an even bitchier bitch than normal when i eat too much junk food and don't make it tot he gym or walk the dog.

I think it's the combo of pot, decent diet, and regular physical activity that have tempered my bipolar tendencies. YMMV

Sorry to hear what you're going through, Darkrom, but I agree with Devo. There's really nothing that we can offer here than what you can uncover by googling medical marijuana along with cannabis/anxiety, cannabis/depression, marijuana/ocd, ect etc etc. Try to find those studies that come from legit psychiatric studies rather than those from pro-marijuana groups to help lend a bit of credibility.

Best of luck to ya.

See if you can find a support group and/or forum for your kind of issues that discusses medical weed. Those people would be better able to assist you as your looking for specific medical reasons where we are vapor enthusiast and not a medical weed board.

Search "medical marijuana forum" and you will find lots of areas of interest. Good luck and I hope you find relief.

Darkrom, I think you should make a copy of your post for your mother and give it to her when you give her the packet of information you accumulate. It's very moving and succinct. Sometimes, we are more articulate in writing, especially when dealing with something we are emotional about.
I am assuming you are not in a state where mj has been legalized yet? There's so much misinformation out there and your mom sounds like she is scared of mj. I think if you can calmly present your information to her she might be persuaded to change her viewpoints. Are you able to live on your own? If not, you have to realize that you are living in her home and will have to at least appear to abide by her wishes. While I'm not an advocate of lying to your parents, if it comes to that, perhaps you can get a log vape which also works as an aroma diffuser and doesn't have the appearance of paraphernalia.
Best of luck to you.

@Darkrom

I have moderate > severe anxiety (was taking lorazepam, diazepam and xanax for it) and moderate OCD (was prescribed paxil, but that lasted 1 tablet and was very violently ill). I only started vaping in December/09, but had been using Cannabis infrequently for 24-26 years. Yes, I did get panic attacks when smoking, but Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis provided enough of a motivation to 'stick' with it, and now panic attacks are a thing of the past

Since using Cannabis daily (4-6 times per day), I've completely quit tranquilizers/sedatives/anti anxiety meds and find my OCD manageable (last time I took any meds of the above type was February of this year). Somehow I've still managed to receive commendations at work.

Is the quality of my life better? Yes.

How? I don't have to take anti anxiety meds during the day time and I am much more productive. Additionally, I have kidney disease and am always worried about drug metabolism adversely affecting renal functioning (cannabis does not adversely affect the kidneys); my creatinine clearance has actually increased by about 7% in 8 months of daily use.

Good luck

Tom

herbgirl said:

That being said, a good, minimally processed diet and exercise also do a great deal to treat depression.

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An excellent point, and both help the mind and body in other ways as well. No matter what else you do, if you don't have a good base/foundation to build on.....

I know you said you didn't want to buy a vape and hide it, but if you do go that route the Magic Flight Launch Box is the way to go.

Never feel like a scumbag for doing right by yourself. It's not like your hurting anyone, and by concealing you are sparing your mother the (self imposed) stress of a pot loving kid.

Classic american dysfunctional family. I'm from one too.

Well, i can attest that this natural herb is much more effective at treating anxiety than xanax. The side-effects i may suffer form it now and then (increased appetite -which is a good thing for me, and occasional short-term memory "loss") pale in comparison to the side effects from xanax, which were much more consistent (loss of coordination, muscle twitching, breathing problems, and worst of all loss of sexual desires).

I can also attest that vaporization is SIGNIFICANTLY healthier than smoking. Up until last new years i was smoking herb (and only herb, after having quit cigarettes the previous year), 1 reg size J a day, and had persistent respiratory issues similar to bronchitis. Every time i smoked i coughed so hard it literally hurt in my bones/joints (i'm only in my 20's), I would have a ash/tar tasting post-nasal drip for the rest of the day, and then i would wake up in the morning and cough up dark phlegm. I switched to vaporization-only on the day i got my DBV, and my lungs were clear and other symptoms gone within about 1-2 months. I tried smoking once a couple months ago (only because vaping wasnt an option at the time) and instantly i had the same nasal problems and, sure enough, the next morning i was coughing stuff up again. Fortunately, it only took my significantly healthier lungs a day or two to clear that up. And i'm even more confident that vapor only is the only way to go.

I would say that, whenever you do have said discussions with your folks, be prepared to disprove the accusation that MJ is the cause of your issues, rather than the cure. People who are ignorantly opposed to it's use will often group MJ with other REAL illicit drugs which DO cause people to develop severe physical and mental dependencies. There have been a few (government-funded, no doubt) studies that set out to link MJ use to psychological disorders. On the ones i've read, the testing methods are almost never sound and results are often inconclusive. Still, some people seem to just read the title of the articles and think that the fact that there was a study on the link between the two things, that there must be one.

In my case, I know that it didnt cause my issues because they existed well before i ever used MJ (around the age of 18) and i've also taken multiple month+ long breaks from using it, with no lessening in the symptoms that return shortly after stopping.

Some people just dont want to accept the facts on MJ and its medicinal uses, no matter how much supporting evidence there may be. The anti-MJ campaigns have been going on for decades and decades, across multiple generations, and have been loaded with some of the most outrageous, unproven, and often contradictory claims i've ever heard. Those who want people to believe that MJ is a bad thing have a MUCH bigger head-start on those of us who are trying to educate the ignorant, and a lot of people are just naive and believe everything the government wants them to without question.

If you fail at convincing them you could always get a MFLB or other stealthy vape (maybe PD or other log-style vape) to hold you over and keep you medicated while you seek a residence of your own. I know you dont want the guilty conscience of hiding stuff from them, but you may not have an alternative by the sounds of it. GL

your 21, you are your own person. i know you dont want to hide these things from your parents, but if you feel it improves your quality of life, then so be it. i'd suggest a small personal vape like a vaporgenie, or mflb and vape strictly outside the home. once you feel up to it move out and find your own place. then tell your mom it was all thanks to a vaporizer. if you turn yourself around in a respectable period of time, show an improvement in your daily life, to the point where you are able to go out and be a normal functional person, you will sway her mind alot quicker then showing her a bunch of articals.

show her its the right thing for you by doing it. if she sees a noticable improvement in you, that will sway her opinion faster then having her read some stuff.

^^^
Really good advice Frickr.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP-RHZqTEVs

Tell her that you don't understand all her concerns and all you want to do is understand why she feels how she feels. Ask your mom what her biggest problem with Marijuana is. Is it the horror stories she's heard of kids who fuck up their lives because of it? Is it the mythical long term effects it has on people? Is it the "addictive" nature all drugs have? Ask her if she'd rather have you taking prescription pills for the issues you have. The REALLY addictive pills, the ones that will zombify you and turn your brain to mulch.

Ask her if she'd actually like to see you while you're high. To see what kind of person you are when you're high. Show her the linked youtube video, and other documentaries videos you can find. Afterwards, again ask her what her problem is. If she shuts you out of the conversation, call her out on it. Tell her that everything she's been told about Marijuana in her lifetime is a lie and if she'd rather see her son struggling to contain his problems because she thinks a certain medicine is unconventional or taking something that alleviates his problems and makes his life BETTER.

If she still won't crack do it anyways. Do the dirty deed in secret, but be around her when you're high. Do this for a while, keep everything else about your life normal. After maybe 3 weeks or a month fill her in, tell her that you've been high around her already and that you're life is better this way.

Though MJ helps my anxiety when it is active in my system, it is impossible for me to stay on all day and still keep full function during work and other important matters which require your sharpest mind.

Benzos destroy peoples lives so I am glad you are trying to stay away from them.

I think if you would open up the subject a bit further than just the medicinal value. Maybe throw in some of the lies that wear spread in the 20's during the refer madness years.

Now there are some constants we cant ignore, they are your folks, and regardless of your age, it is their home. I totally understand that you might need the herbs to regulate, but as they say... When in Rome.


But yea, dont just stick to the regular guns, bring out a shotgun here and there, and maybe something different about your story might catch their attention enough to help you get an edge in

good luck yo

No psychologist is ever going to advise using marijuana for anxiety/depression or really any mental. I'm not saying it doesn't help you, but it's almost a fact among mental health professionals that that prolonged marijuana use will eventually worsen anxiety and depression. So don't let her speak to any psychologists about your proposed medicine. Xanax, however (much more addictive and bad for your body than pot) is something they might recommend though. But I'm not shitting on prescription drugs, Xanax is great.

CosmoKramer said:

it's almost a fact among mental health professionals that that prolonged marijuana use will eventually worsen anxiety and depression.

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You mean it's an opinion. It's absolutely not a fact.

No. If you read what I wrote... I didn't say it was a fact, first of all. I said "almost a fact". And furthermore, I said. - "It's almost a fact among mental health professionals". ok..

* No legitimate psychologist is going to recommend weed over anti depressants for treating what the OP has described. That's a fact.

CosmoKramer said:

No legitimate psychologist is going to recommend weed over anti depressants for treating what the OP has described. That's a fact.

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No, it's your opinion. Have you surveyed every "legitimate psychologist" on Earth?

You're making blanket claims while providing zero references. Again, please read the forum rules before posting again.

Again, try to read what I said. I only advised the OP not to have his mother consult a psychologist about his proposed medicine. Because they would advise against it. Because any "LEGITIMATE" psychologist who recommends marijuana for depression is likely to face malpractice. I have OCD. I have asked many doctors about weed for OCD. It's a no go. K?

CosmoKramer said:

Again, try to read what I said. I only advised the OP not to have his mother consult a psychologist about his proposed medicine. Because they would advise against it. Because any "LEGITIMATE" psychologist who recommends marijuana for depression is likely to face malpractice. I have OCD. I have asked many doctors about weed for OCD. It's a no go. K?

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I didn't know the professionals i had seen weren't legitimate, the advice i got was 'you are are self medicating' the doctor said that hopefully with their drugs i wouldn't need to self medicate, but the main problem with doobie was not knowing if i was getting the correct strains for anxiety.

EDIT
my other side note, related to what the doctor said is some strains definitely do not help with my anxiety and may aggravate it / increase racing thoughts.

The psychiatrist I go to even told me that me vaping (I own a launch box and iolite) was fine if it was self medicating. She still does not care.

I know I have the vapes but something about hiding them takes away from the medicinal feeling of it. I wouldn't sneak around about taking my kpins. Why shouldn't I be able to use a more effective desktop vape and not have to hide like a criminal is my overall point I guess.

CosmoKramer said:

I didn't say it was a fact, first of all. I said "almost a fact".

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Is that like "almost" pregnant?

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mean it in the most constructive way.

You are asking for help to reclaim your life. The problem may be that you have yet to claim anything.

You are 21 and living at home. Your mother, in whose house you live, does not want you to use an illegal substance in her house. For whatever reason she dislikes it, it is her house - and if you are an adult, you have to respect her decision.
If I were you, I would find the best job I can. I would save a few bucks and look for some other like-minded folks to live with and start a life on my own. Don't burn your bridges with the folks, just take your first steps out into the world on your own.
Carve out your space in the world and when you have done that, find what works for you.

Much of life is about maintaining a locus of control. You need to see your life as totally within your control, rather than seeing life as happening to you due to the actions of others.
Choose your destiny, rather than feeling that someone else is controlling you.
It is your life, but your mother's life is her's as well.

Whatever you choose to do, I sincerely hope you can come to terms with your difficulties.

Why shouldn't I be able to use a more effective desktop vape

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Why do you think a so called "desktop vape" would be more effective than an LB? It covers the vaping range, from low to high temp. A larger vape is more likely to provide bigger hits, but not more effect. You may gain ease of use, but that's about it.

and not have to hide like a criminal is my overall point I guess.

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As Attack said above, it's not your house. Her house-her rules.