Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
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Tranquility
Well-Known Member
I think imgur doesn't work on the site for some reason. (It was discussed in another thread.) While the linked picture comes up on reply, it does not display (for me) on the site.
Summer
Long Island, NY
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
"Like sitting around the pool and drinking beer isn't a good thing?", I asked. (Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation lately.)
She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.
So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her that I learned about from the fellas at the Senior Center.
So I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're way too old now, you're not going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I sensed that she didn't believe me, so I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"
The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
"Like sitting around the pool and drinking beer isn't a good thing?", I asked. (Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation lately.)
She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.
So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her that I learned about from the fellas at the Senior Center.
So I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're way too old now, you're not going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I sensed that she didn't believe me, so I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"
The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
ClearBlueLou
unbearably light in the being....
“It appears to be some species of penisaurus” - Dr Jerkov, “Flesh Gordon”
Nope, just extinct enough....
HAHAHA what is it? Tyrannocockius Rex? Is he too extinct?
Nun Sense
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Three nuns died in a bus crash and ended up at the Pearly Gates together. St. Peter told them, "Sisters, before you can enter Heaven, you must answer a Scripture question." He asked the first nun, "What was the name of the first man?"
"Adam," she answered.
Bells rang, lights flashed, and the gates of Heaven swung open to let her in.
He then asked the second nun, "What was the name of the first woman?"
"Eve," was the reply.
Bells rang, lights flashed, and the gates of Heaven swung open to let her in.
The third nun approached, and St. Peter asked her, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
"Wow, that's a hard one," said the nun.
Bells rang, lights flashed, and the gates of Heaven swung open to let her in.
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *poof!* she’s gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she’s gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
===========
Three nuns died in a bus crash and ended up at the Pearly Gates together. St. Peter told them, "Sisters, before you can enter Heaven, you must answer a Scripture question." He asked the first nun, "What was the name of the first man?"
"Adam," she answered.
Bells rang, lights flashed, and the gates of Heaven swung open to let her in.
He then asked the second nun, "What was the name of the first woman?"
"Eve," was the reply.
Bells rang, lights flashed, and the gates of Heaven swung open to let her in.
The third nun approached, and St. Peter asked her, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
"Wow, that's a hard one," said the nun.
Bells rang, lights flashed, and the gates of Heaven swung open to let her in.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *poof!* she’s gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she’s gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
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