Random thoughts

gaseous_clay

gaseous_clay

Well-Known Member
cloudsosmoke said:
could you ask them (..before they move)
if he/she can introduce you to someone else they know?
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Tried that. My guy isn't actually a dealer, but a cat I know who picks his up when he heads to see his family a couple hours away & is always willing to grab extra. His guy in town is a delivery service that doesn't service my area.

I don't dare call my last guy, as last I communicated with him was over a year ago & was quite odd. He had no trouble delivering before. Then suddenly he needs me to come to him & something just seemed off about the whole thing, like it wasn't him on the other end. No thank you. (edit: oh, and the previous time he was getting sloppy. showed up so high i had to remind him i hadn't paid him yet for the ounce he just brought.)
 
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gaseous_clay

gaseous_clay

Well-Known Member
Speaking of wrecked backs... Mine has a vertebrae that had a compression fracture, so it always lets me know it's there. Occasionally it gets worse & I need to get a massage to work it out. Last night I had one of the best I have ever had. This woman was up on the table kneading me like I was dough! Hot oils. Hot stones. I'm going back there regularly.

Not to be a perv, but I'm definitely sticking with female masseurs from now on. I wasn't turned on or anything, but her legs on the sides of my head felt much better than the last massage I had (different place) where dude didn't give much of a massage, but his semi-hard dick kept rubbing against me (through his pants.)
 
Melting Pot

Melting Pot

Sick & Twisted
There is not a day thst goes by that I don't think about ending my life. Or a night that i go to bed wishing i won't wake.
Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head.
Living like this is really starting to get to me.
I think if you think about it long enough eventually, you probably will.
No need to comment
 
CuckFumbustion

CuckFumbustion

Lo and Behold! The transformative power of Vapor.
Melting Pot said:
No need to comment
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I feel like commenting a little because. Only if this helps those who are afflicted. O.K. maybe that is many of us. :freak: I also have a few friends who have medical issues that make them more susceptible to the different forms of depression. We all each have our own row to hoe and all that. Anyhoooo....

The Critical Inner Voice that Causes Depression | Psychology Today

I've come to understand my "critical inner voice." and sorting out where my depression and inner demons lie. :evil:I was making progress when these voices seem smaller and seem to come from some other source other than myself. :whoa: Then they became even less significant over time. Now I can internally mock some of these voices and correct myself and get back on the horse. So to speak. @momofthegoons had a quote about reprogramming your brain for 27 days to think positively that escapes me. But you get the jist. Reboot your thought process. Don't allow yourself to get too tired and fall into lazier stinking thinking and allow the voices to start to drum their cadence of self doubt. :peace:
Bob Mould - Voices in My Head (Official Music Video)
 
CarolKing

CarolKing

Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur
Melting Pot said:
There is not a day thst goes by that I don't think about ending my life. Or a night that i go to bed wishing i won't wake.
Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head.
Living like this is really starting to get to me.
I think if you think about it long enough eventually, you probably will.
No need to comment
Click to expand...
You need to get some help with your depression. I've heard you talk about a child or children that you have. It would be devasting and something your loved ones would never get over.

A child with a parent that committed suicide is more likely to do the same themselves.:2c:

I am so sorry for your pain that you are going through. I have terrible anxiety that I deal with from time to time. How I wish that I didn't have that demon to deal with. My dad was verbally abusive while I was growing up. We had a lot of tension in the household continually. I'm guessing that's why I have the anxiety, I've always had it since I was a child.
 
M

mephisto

Well-Known Member
@Melting Pot call me man, this negative spiral can be stopped and controlled by you. You know where I am coming from even though our back stories are different. If you want to take the most simple approach, this trick I learned from a high school guidance counselor. Take a fatty rubber band and wear it on your wrist, when you start to get caught in the negative thought process, snap that fucker good and hard! The technique works on 2 different approaches, and at this point, you need to get any forward motion going for yourself as quickly as possible. You know the number here at my place, don't hesitate to call.
 
CuckFumbustion

CuckFumbustion

Lo and Behold! The transformative power of Vapor.
Not relating directly to/at @Melting Pot or those reaching out. But on the topic since we all are seeking answers and want those negatives to diminish and having more of the clarity return.

But if any way of hitting the reset, helps me. Just giving myself pause and wondering if what I'm experiencing is either Physical and/or mental exhaustion. Racing thoughts and getting exhausted from overthinking my problems is a big one. Sometimes being dehydrated or nutrition can affect things enough. When I went GF, I not only lost weight, but I wasn't as brain tired. My recall was better. I even take Ginko Biloba occasionally. But you get the jist.
I don't know if I technically was having seasonal depression, but lighting makes all the difference.

Another thing is magnifying the negatives. Oh that demon.:cuss: People have sicked that demon:evil: on me before and I feel bad when I catch myself in the act.:ugh:
Unlearning is key to discard unnecessary useless self-critical, self-destructive thoughts but don't evangelize it right away. Pearls before swine and all that. Certain types of 'hurt' people will weaponize it and use it against you.
I've made that mistake.:doh:

Affirmation- Don't 'correct' yourself for the affirmation from others. Do it for all the right reasons, of course. If the right people notice the difference in you right away, they will respond and perhaps be more patient with you when you make your transition. So glad I'm not part of the ego competition. I don't think I'm among some ego-tists with their inner voice going Me-Me-Me in a loop. I'll take my self doubt voices over that single drive. :freak: But honestly it takes all types to make a world. I've rambled enough about a few of the trappings of general depression.
58efe4c804a0a2ea518a9c762815b367.jpg

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You can however set reasonable goals for yourself. If you are thinking in future tense, then you aren't as fixated on the negatives, I figure. Like biking hours away from home and enjoying that is finally early spring. Going farther and discovering more and the vistas. The local produce and flavor along the way. :drool: I'm starting to feel a little like Rick Steves on a bicycle. Oh found this.
Rick Steves' Barnstorming Tour
 
M

mephisto

Well-Known Member
Man, @CuckFumbustion you got some good information that you are sharing. To the extent of unplugging from the day, de-coupling the constant internal "SYSTEMS CHECK", attempting to exist and appreciate just exactly right for a tiny span. Mindfulness the sages call it. I sat the hell out of my backyard for a brief moment last evening and just was......."The mind is not meant for constant introspection..."..great quote I forgot the author of. May each of us find and appreciate a microdose of serenity and peace, even if just for a blink. Savor the experience, and it will return to you.
 
CarolKing

CarolKing

Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur
Often times we are more hard on ourselves and more critical than anybody else. Life can be hard at times with all the bullshit that crops up out of nowhere. Try to block out negative thoughts and people that are negative. Cut out people that suck all your energy.

I had a friend once that I had to cut out of my life because she always took and never gave back. It was exhausting keeping up with the friendship. If she thought anybody was criticizing her she would bite their head off. She went through 3 husbands last time I heard. None of them could live up to her expectations. She had 4 children by three husbands. She made more money than any of her ex-husbands with child support and getting maintenance from time to time. Good thing because she liked to spend a lot of money.:lol::peace:
 
CuckFumbustion

CuckFumbustion

Lo and Behold! The transformative power of Vapor.
@mephisto Thanks for elaborating and taking it further. I agree with your "SYSTEMS CHECK" :lol: and feel a little more mindful.
mephisto said:
unplugging from the day
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Some people need to decompress an hour after work as small moment of pause. Allow the thoughts of the day a little cooling off period. Don't overthink or get strung up with the minutia, just contextualize everything and allow the cooler problem solving side to surface. There is a reasonable time to think about a given problem and then there is obsession. :evil: Know what that is before wrapping your head around a stress full thing that needs sorting out.
Well some of you are probably decompressing right now.:D I hope anyway.;)
CarolKing said:
Often times we are more hard on ourselves and more critical than anybody else. Life can be hard at times with all the bullshit that crops up out of nowhere. Try to block out negative thoughts and people that are negative. Cut out people that suck all your energy.
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Amen! and learn to cope with those you can't with a newer understanding of everybody having foibles.

The Secrets of Happiness – in 60 Seconds
 
Enchantre

Enchantre

Oil Painter
Hubby had a job interview yesterday.

Yes, ENERGY IS MOVING! My healing manifesting after 30 years of working for it, him getting off the couch and on a forward trajectory... it's all energy.

It's all ENERGY!! @Melting Pot I'd be happy to nudge your energy levels and knock you off stasis (which isn't true, sitting still is moving backwards)... think of it like a tiny meteor just clipping the moon on the way by, and truing up the orbit again.... just feel acceptance, and it will happen.
 
Melting Pot

Melting Pot

Sick & Twisted
Thanks everyone
I can't think of words to describe my life.
Me and the wife are miserable and have been for a long time. We have been trying to divorce for quite some time.
We have a 5 year old and she is both of our worlds. Life and bad luck seem to always fuck our progress up. Most now my story. Now last week wife gets cancer news tomorrow we go for her full body scan fingers crossed ,if all goes well 1st week of june they'll take her kidney and we can put this behind us. And move forward on our happiness.
Thanks again
I'll stay positive for both of us and give her the support I didn't receive from her through all my procedures.
 
Trypsy Summers

Trypsy Summers

Well-Known Member
@Silat; Never let it be said......

I want to go on record to acknowledge your fears re Trump! That I accept that your initial 'fears' (to which I replied) are indeed well founded...

First there was Obama with "Yes we can", then Trump came along with that doozy, "Drain the Swamp -America First" But yet here we are... Again!!

Yeah its the same old - same old! It kinda seems that (to them) WAR is the only peace that matters! It certainly pays dividends, for the Corpocracy!

But then again, I do recall stating that Trump was a business man, i.e. CORPORATE man, so I guess its inevitable that the TPTB were gonna be going all out to cement their position with him (purportedly) at the helm, like fuck he is! President of UNITED STATES? GTFOH!!
More like The PUPPET IN CHIEF!!!

Just saying.....

HellsWindStaff said:
My condolences, I have 1 guy and would be lost without him lol. Maybe not entirely lost but I certainly would pay an arm and a leg more from some street dealer or casual acquaintance than the $25 1/8s I get off my guy.
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Well at least your doing better than me! I paid £30 (English) for an 1/8th the other day, and I'm still screaming about it loudly, whilst sobbing quietly!!! (the scream is for parting with the money, and the sob is cos 'the stuff' has all gone)
I always say I'm gonna wait it out (for a fortnight) for the good things to come, but one day in to the drought, and all that tough thinking has vanished into the ether, and I find myself buying!! And I for one, certainly do not like buying stuff at inflated prices (there, I wrote that in polite English) But alas......
There I am mugging myself off, Yet again, :rolleyes:!!

I guess I'm saying (in a long winded way) that I wish I was paying $25 for an 1/8th, that's about £15 quid (fuck all) in round here money!! Lol

Not saying:|, just saying:hmm:, without saying;),

Peace:leaf:
 
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CuckFumbustion

CuckFumbustion

Lo and Behold! The transformative power of Vapor.
Is beginners luck real? self proclaimed 'Rational' people don't believe in luck.:disgust: But it isn't a fallacy to believe in beginners luck as a phenomenon.:2c: I've 'experienced' it and then go back to the normal failure rate of an average beginner after a second or third go. This seems to happen more with things that require deep concentration or when I apply it more.;)

In some circumstances, being focused and new to a topic will allow that new idea or perception to emerge. And I think that is key if there is any beginner's luck by my definition. Then I grabbed a few more recent articles about the topic.
Beginner's luck - Wikipedia

How Beginner's Luck Works and How You Can Reproduce It Anytime (Even If You're Not a Beginner)

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few. :whoa:There is other things that cause experts to fail over the trial of a first timer like say an over confident sense of familiarity and not identifying something visibly apparent that a first timer is going to catch. That is why I try to remember what it is like to be a first timer and gain their reverse polarity insight and looking at things as if with a fresh pair of eyes. :nod:

I wouldn't say criticize anybody's artwork if it is genuine, just because they don't have a firm or formal concept of 'art'. If it comes from that concentration that I described earlier, something new will emerge from it. Lot's of self taught artists to delve into. Just not sure how I'd feel about a self taught architect? :freak:

Enjoy that well deserved cookies and cream @Bdubbdiblets. Lo and Behold! The transformative power of Vapor.:sherlock:
 
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